Yesterday I highlighted the absolute need for us as parents to raise our boys to treat girls the way we want OUR daughters to be treated. This is a bloody must and if you rolled your eyes at me or thought I was nuts, then you most well piss off now, because we can’t be friends. Fuck, I don’t even like you.
You might be sitting there, especially as a male, rolling your eyes as a man thinking “that’s just boys”, but like I said yesterday that is what WE have allowed boys to become. It is behaviour we have excused and taken as something that must just be put up with far too often. Before that door hits you on the way out, and hopefully hard, I’m going to make this assumption about the ignorant reader that just didn’t get my point, YOU don’t have a daughter. It’s that simple. Maybe one day when you do, you can come visit again. Till then, be on your merry way. See ya!
This is the SECOND step in my multi pronged attack on the way women, especially very young girls are treated by boys and men.
To me this one is just as important as teaching MY son’s to treat girls with respect. Actually this might actually be more important, because let’s face it there is always going tot be some prick out there that isn’t going to take on my sage advice.
This advice is for my DAUGHTER. It should be something we as women, as parents and even extended family teach to our daughters. To the point it is so ingrained it becomes part of who they are. It is the concept of self-worth, more specifically THEIR self-worth and how NO ONE can tell you your worth, you and you alone decide that. That people will treat you, in terms of worth, as you not only believe you are worth but by the way you represent yourself. No one can put a price tag on you, other than yourself and the lesson is, never to devalue yourself. Regardless of what others have to say, what they do or what they want you to think. They know dick. All you need to know, my dear daughter, is that you are worth FAR more than most young boys and men are going to try to treat you, you are worth FAR more than the way you look, you are worth FAR more than the amount of skin you flash. You are more than just a trophy or a bauble to be collected, a notch on a bedpost or even someone who is being devalued in a personal relationship or even professional one.
To my daughter, I say, you are worth the moon, the stars and everything else in between. You cannot be bought, you aren’t that cheap and you certainly shouldn’t settle for someone who doesn’t recognise who you are, what you are worth and treats you like less than you deserve, just because it’s what you have. Just because you have it, doesn’t mean you need to keep it. It doesn’t mean you are stuck with it. It means you should fuck them off!
What you are worth is the world, someone who treats you like the princess you are (well in context) and values you for EVERYTHING you are, warts and all. No one is perfect and while sometimes we need to change to improve ourselves, we should never change to please someone else. Well unless it’s myself or your Dad, but trust me, we are making changes that are in your best interests, not in ours. Though if you could cut back on the tantrums it would be appreciated. But even those show me, that you will be a strong, independent woman who will stand up for herself and not be taken advantage of. So while they drive me batty, my other instinct is to applaud you. Though this I won’t tell you, because dear child, you could scream me into deafness.
Here as some things I ALWAYS want you to remember: Yes I know I’m old, I’ll hopefully be older when you read this. But remember these are they lessons I learned, the hard way and my gift to you, if I can only give you one thing in life (well other than life) is the lessons I learned from MY mistakes. You may think I’m lame, that this advice is old person advice and I have no clue what its like to be a teenager or in my 20’s, but surprise, I was both of those once. I also urge you to keep this for future reference, for when you are my age to reflect back on and perhaps even one day add to it to pass on to your daughter/s.
1. You put the price on yourself. No one else. If you wanted to be treated with value, believe, truly believe, you are worth being treated that way. Do not settle for anything less. Don’t be convinced you have put too high a price on yourself and do not for a second think anyone who tells you anything else is worth listening too. Refer them to your brothers.
2. Dress in a way that conveys your worth. Sexy is NOT showing everything god gave you and ample loads of skin. It is NOT wearing a tonne of makeup to try to make what is already beautiful better. Do not cheapen yourself by pretending to be dumb because boys (not real MEN) are scared of smart women. Be comfortable in your own skin, own it like a boss and NEVER change because you think you need to to impress others.
3. If someone treats you like crap, they are the crap. They are NOT worth your time or effort. They will NOT change and the only thing that will change the situation is kicking their ass to the curb. I don’t care “if you love him” because this is NOT love, this is abuse and victim mentality. There will be others, they will be better and THEN you will know what love REALLY is. Until then love yourself, don’t be afraid to show you love who you are, embrace who you are but remain humble and kind. Be open to love but realise love is a two way street, don’t travel it alone.
4. You are NOT and should never be the proverbial doormat. You are better than that. Do not let people walk all over you. Conversely do not walk all over other people. Treat everyone (well except the douchetards) how you would want to be treated, regardless of how they treat you. Though NEVER forget how they have treated you, don’t take it personally and remember it for the future when they want a favour.
An exception to this is in your professional life, stay true to your ideas, your beliefs and don’t be afraid to be heard, push boundaries and go after what you want. Don’t compromise your professional integrity for money or people who can’t see your vision.
This also applies to any faith you decide to follow if any. But don’t be afraid to question organised religion and recognise that organised religion is as flawed as the humans that run it. Faith is NOT the same thing.
5. You are not a verbal or physical punching bag, EVER! These things don’t change, no matter how much the person “loves” you and that “it will never happen again”. They get ONE shot, they hit you or abuse you in any way, LEAVE. You have the control in this situation. Do not stick around to be bullied, do not become a recurrent victim. If they touch a single hair on your head in a violent way, threaten you or abuse you with words RUN, file a police report and banish them from your life.
6. Just because all your friends are doing “it” doesn’t mean you have to. This can be sex, drugs, drinking, smoking, whatever. You have free will and free choice. If these people can’t respect your choices then they are NOT your friends and you are better than them. You should also NEVER be the girl who tries to pressure her friends into doing things. Friends support, they don’t bully. Girls are bitches, remember this. It doesn’t mean you have to be too.
7. Sex is NOT obligatory when you are dating/get your first boyfriend or at any other point until YOU are ready. Don’t EVER let anyone pressure you. If they want you for YOU they will stick around until you are ready. Otherwise they will just stick around until they’ve finished having sex.
8. We all make mistakes. Some of those mentioned above. They don’t define you, they aren’t who you are. They are lessons, you can learn from them. Remember what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Be thankful for your mistakes and learning experiences. They will shape you into the wonderful, smart, independent and awesome woman you no doubt will become. Be thankful for them.
9. You can be whatever you want in life. I sort of draw the line at a stripper, because you have more than that in you. But you have every door open to you. It’s ok not to know at 17 what you want to do with the rest of your life, this comes with age and experience. But half the fun is the journey and the victory in finally realising who you are and what you want to be.
10. We may be your parents but we are ALWAYS here for you. You can discuss anything with us, however uncomfortable. If you decide at 14 you want to have sex, though I advise against this, please come to us first so we can make sure you are informed and protected. It might be uncomfortable but it’s our job to keep you safe, regardless of your decisions.
Finally I want to remind you you have a Daddy, 3 brothers, an older male cousin and a godparent who is a 6ft something miner and another who is s professional MMA fighter. Your suitors have to get past ALL of them…. AFTER me. I wish them luck!
This also applies to boys (my boys) also…. So feel free to look at it that way too.