Part 2 Of Raising Children – Girls

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Yesterday I highlighted the absolute need for us as parents to raise our boys to treat girls the way we want OUR daughters to be treated. This is a bloody must and if you rolled your eyes at me or thought I was nuts, then you most well piss off now, because we can’t be friends. Fuck, I don’t even like you.

You might be sitting there, especially as a male, rolling your eyes as a man thinking “that’s just boys”, but like I said yesterday that is what WE have allowed boys to become. It is behaviour we have excused and taken as something that must just be put up with far too often. Before that door hits you on the way out, and hopefully hard, I’m going to make this assumption about the ignorant reader that just didn’t get my point, YOU don’t have a daughter. It’s that simple. Maybe one day when you do, you can come visit again. Till then, be on your merry way. See ya!

This is the SECOND step in my multi pronged attack on the way women, especially very young girls are treated by boys and men.

To me this one is just as important as teaching MY son’s to treat girls with respect. Actually this might actually be more important, because let’s face it there is always going tot be some prick out there that isn’t going to take on my sage advice.

This advice is for my DAUGHTER. It should be something we as women, as parents and even extended family teach to our daughters. To the point it is so ingrained it becomes part of who they are. It is the concept of self-worth, more specifically THEIR self-worth and how NO ONE can tell you your worth, you and you alone decide that. That people will treat you, in terms of worth, as you not only believe you are worth but by the way you represent yourself. No one can put a price tag on you, other than yourself and the lesson is, never to devalue yourself. Regardless of what others have to say, what they do or what they want you to think. They know dick. All you need to know, my dear daughter, is that you are worth FAR more than most young boys and men are going to try to treat you, you are worth FAR more than the way you look, you are worth FAR more than the amount of skin you flash. You are more than just a trophy or a bauble to be collected, a notch on a bedpost or even someone who is being devalued in a personal relationship or even professional one.

To my daughter, I say, you are worth the moon, the stars and everything else in between. You cannot be bought, you aren’t that cheap and you certainly shouldn’t settle for someone who doesn’t recognise who you are, what you are worth and treats you like less than you deserve, just because it’s what you have. Just because you have it, doesn’t mean you need to keep it. It doesn’t mean you are stuck with it. It means you should fuck them off!

What you are worth is the world, someone who treats you like the princess you are (well in context) and values you for EVERYTHING you are, warts and all. No one is perfect and while sometimes we need to change to improve ourselves, we should never change to please someone else. Well unless it’s myself or your Dad, but trust me, we are making changes that are in your best interests, not in ours. Though if you could cut back on the tantrums it would be appreciated. But even those show me, that you will be a strong, independent woman who will stand up for herself and not be taken advantage of. So while they drive me batty, my other instinct is to applaud you. Though this I won’t tell you, because dear child, you could scream me into deafness.

Here as some things I ALWAYS want you to remember: Yes I know I’m old, I’ll hopefully be older when you read this. But remember these are they lessons I learned, the hard way and my gift to you, if I can only give you one thing in life (well other than life) is the lessons I learned from MY mistakes. You may think I’m lame, that this advice is old person advice and I have no clue what its like to be a teenager or in my 20’s, but surprise, I was both of those once. I also urge you to keep this for future reference, for when you are my age to reflect back on and perhaps even one day add to it to pass on to your daughter/s.

1. You put the price on yourself. No one else. If you wanted to be treated with value, believe, truly believe, you are worth being treated that way. Do not settle for anything less. Don’t be convinced you have put too high a price on yourself and do not for a second think anyone who tells you anything else is worth listening too. Refer them to your brothers.

2. Dress in a way that conveys your worth. Sexy is NOT showing everything god gave you and ample loads of skin. It is NOT wearing a tonne of makeup to try to make what is already beautiful better. Do not cheapen yourself by pretending to be dumb because boys (not real MEN) are scared of smart women. Be comfortable in your own skin, own it like a boss and NEVER change because you think you need to to impress others.

3. If someone treats you like crap, they are the crap. They are NOT worth your time or effort. They will NOT change and the only thing that will change the situation is kicking their ass to the curb. I don’t care “if you love him” because this is NOT love, this is abuse and victim mentality. There will be others, they will be better and THEN you will know what love REALLY is. Until then love yourself, don’t be afraid to show you love who you are, embrace who you are but remain humble and kind. Be open to love but realise love is a two way street, don’t travel it alone.

4. You are NOT and should never be the proverbial doormat. You are better than that. Do not let people walk all over you. Conversely do not walk all over other people. Treat everyone (well except the douchetards) how you would want to be treated, regardless of how they treat you. Though NEVER forget how they have treated you, don’t take it personally and remember it for the future when they want a favour.

An exception to this is in your professional life, stay true to your ideas, your beliefs and don’t be afraid to be heard, push boundaries and go after what you want. Don’t compromise your professional integrity for money or people who can’t see your vision.

This also applies to any faith you decide to follow if any. But don’t be afraid to question organised religion and recognise that organised religion is as flawed as the humans that run it. Faith is NOT the same thing.

5. You are not a verbal or physical punching bag, EVER! These things don’t change, no matter how much the person “loves” you and that “it will never happen again”. They get ONE shot, they hit you or abuse you in any way, LEAVE. You have the control in this situation. Do not stick around to be bullied, do not become a recurrent victim. If they touch a single hair on your head in a violent way, threaten you or abuse you with words RUN,  file a police report and banish them from your life.

6. Just because all your friends are doing “it” doesn’t mean you have to. This can be sex, drugs, drinking, smoking, whatever. You have free will and free choice. If these people can’t respect your choices then they are NOT your friends and you are better than them. You should also NEVER be the girl who tries to pressure her friends into doing things. Friends support, they don’t bully. Girls are bitches, remember this. It doesn’t mean you have to be too.

7. Sex is NOT obligatory when you are dating/get your first boyfriend or at any other point until YOU are ready. Don’t EVER let anyone pressure you. If they want you for YOU they will stick around until you are ready. Otherwise they will just stick around until they’ve finished having sex.

8. We all make mistakes. Some of those mentioned above. They don’t define you, they aren’t who you are. They are lessons, you can learn from them. Remember what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Be thankful for your mistakes and learning experiences. They will shape you into the wonderful, smart, independent and awesome woman you no doubt will become. Be thankful for them.

9. You can be whatever you want in life. I sort of draw the line at a stripper, because you have more than that in you. But you have every door open to you. It’s ok not to know at 17 what you want to do with the rest of your life, this comes with age and experience. But half the fun is the journey and the victory in finally realising who you are and what you want to be.

10. We may be your parents but we are ALWAYS here for you. You can discuss anything with us, however uncomfortable. If you decide at 14 you want to have sex, though I advise against this, please come to us first so we can make sure you are informed and protected. It might be uncomfortable but it’s our job to keep you safe, regardless of your decisions.

Finally I want to remind you you have a Daddy, 3 brothers, an older male cousin and a godparent who is a 6ft something miner and another who is s professional MMA fighter. Your suitors have to get past ALL of them…. AFTER me. I wish them luck!

This also applies to boys (my boys) also…. So feel free to look at it that way too.

Looking for contributors!

Think you can’t BiteMyBark? Them I’m looking for YOU. Since I’m back at work full time and I know I’m not the only crazy rage filled blogger out there short on time I’m looking for regular contributors. You will get full credit for your pieces, full reign (with my final editorial approval) and all topics welcome.

Politics (let’s keep it civilized and educated) I will not tolerate hate speech!
Religion
Immunization
Psychology
Patenting
What peeves you

Or basically anything you can come up with. Think of my anonymous Soave as yours, pseudonyms allowed and give it a shot.

Doesn’t have to be a novel. Just an anecdote that got you riled up. Hell even patenting ones. But since I’m a little time pressed, let’s see what my loyal readers are made of!

Submit to bitemybark@gmail.com.

Part 1 in a 3 Part Series….

good men

Well we all know I love a good rant but we also know that I like to touch on subjects that need to be brought to people’s fucking attention. Like I said I never intended this to be a “Mummy” blog cause let’s face it those things are as boring as shit. I don’t want to see a million pictures of your kid, hear their “cute” stories or basically have to deal with any children that aren’t my own or part of my work. Though sometimes the rant world and that of children collide. So I’m about to embark on a 4 (I think, who keeps count) part blog series about raising children and where the fuck we are all going wrong. Well maybe not everyone, but majority rules.

I have three boys, they are boy’s boy’s and they are a handful. Goes with the territory. What I never expected, is how my view on raising boys would be tainted by also having a daughter. How my views on the males of the species would change the instant my daughter entered the world. Until then thing were as there were, I never questioned it and basically wrote a lot of horrendously terrible behaviour on the part of “boys/men” on the gender difference. I now write it off to a society that has an abhorrent acceptance of a culture where we raise boys to think it’s ok to treat girls and young women as conquests, as prizes and pieces of meat to be had, consumed and spat back out. Well until they met a guy worthy of them.

As soon as MY daughter entered the world, the foundation of this piss poor excuse ridden behaviour hit me full force. NO boy/guy/man was ever going to treat MY daughter that way. I have a two-pronged approach to this.

This is part one.

I will raise MY boys to treat girls, respect women and be MEN that would be worthy of my daughter. Ok, so not technically in real terms cause that’s illegal. But I recognised the fact that EVERY girl out there is someone’s daughter, someone’s sister and deserves to be treated the way I want my daughter treated. (I’ll get into how I approach that with her in part two). If I ever find MY son has treated ANY girl in a way that I would want to cause bodily harm to them, they will have ME to deal with. They should be bloody fucking afraid. That shit won’t fly here. They WILL treat ALL girls with respect, like human beings and there will be NO exception. This is something I have ingrained from birth. Women are not objects, not conquests, are to be treated with respect and if you think about treating a girl a certain way imagine a guy doing that to your sister. Now being the only girl, with 3 brothers and an older male cousin, god help any guy that steps a foot out of line, because if you think I’m scary, then there is Daddy , brothers, cousins and Uncle Pete. My friends know Uncle Pete, he is a miner and I think would kill any boy on sight that treated his daughter to MY daughter wrong, he has my full permission.

I’m a realist I expect they will visit a strip club, out of interest. I would hope they would NOT pay to touch or whatever else. These are women who are obviously doing it hard and trying to learn a living, Interest is ok but dude if you go to pond scum territory I will cut you. Realise these women deserve respect, regardless of profession, because you have NO idea how they ended up where they are an I suggest there is a lot of baggage. Stick to the mags and online porn.

I think as parent’s it’s our responsibility to bring our boys up with a certain moral code, to have a good hard look at the concept of gender inequality and stop this whole “boys will be boys bullshit”. Because at the end of the day, parenting plays a large part in this. I think the macho stereotype is archaic, I think the standard that it’s ok for boys to have sex at 12 (with someones daughter who is likely 12) is appalling. Where are we failing as parents? We are failing due to not challenging these norms and not educating out boys the differences between being a GOOD man and just a man. Or just plain monitoring our kids.

So here are my rules:

1. No boy will have a girl sleep over until he is engaged to married. Sure I sound old and old-fashioned but I DO NOT want to have the conversation that starts with “My daughter x is pregnant to your son, it happened at your house when I thought she was at x friends”….. This will be he same for my daughter. They will not also sleep over at other genders house. You are inviting trouble. Yeah the argument is they will do it anyways, fine, but I’m not making it easy for them. These rules will be EQUAL for both genders.

2. The will be WELL educated in sex, pregnancy, STD’s and all the nasty in’s and outs of it all. The more graphic the better.

3. Porn. help yourself, its natural. But leave girls alone.

4. You will NOT touch your sisters friends, you will treat all girls like you want your sister treated and an REAL MAN does nothing less.

5. You will NEVER hit a woman. I don’t care what she has done. Walk away and be a MAN. Real men don’t hit women.

6. If you see a women being abused/assaulted ect you MUST step in. It’s not ok and you need to do the right thing. You do not just ignore it

7. If a girl treats you like crap, she is not worth your time. No matter how pretty she is. She has an ugly heart and you deserve better than that.

8.You will be a gentlemen. This means paying on first dates, pulling out chairs, opening car doors, not expecting sex and treating her like gold (if she deserves it, if not ditch her)

9. Do not play games. I f you like her tell her, if you want to message her, message her (don’t go crazy) but don’t play games. Do NOT have multiple girls on the the at once, have some self respect. It’s not studly, it’s disgusting.

10, Remember if you break these rules I’m coming after you and likely is daughters Dad.

Tomorrow I will look at educating my daughter in howto be a classy woman and how to have enough respect for herself to make sure she is treated right..

I will delve into sexual stereotypes and how they are NOT ok. Your sone wearing a dress will NOT “give him the gays” for fucks sake.

Finally I will look at how sexualized the media is and how it’s poisoning our youth and their role models are a disgrace.

So stay tuned.

I'm a slacker- Movie loves and Hates

Well truth be told it’s actually the opposite, I’ve been so run off my feet that actually sitting time and having time to write substance in here has been a total fucken clusterfuck of not just going to happen. I apologize. I hate half assed posts, filler posts and basically just words to fill space so you don’t forget me. Ha! Ok that’s unlikely.

Seems I’m down to lists. Top 10 most hate and most loved movies this week. Yeah sorry it’s not riverting stuff but you’ll just have to cope. In no particular order, rather than most hated number 1, cause it’s not negotiable.

HATED:

1. The Notebook- absolute hedonistic drivel. Unlikeable characters and basically left me wanting to punch everyone involved in the face. I just didn’t get it and don’t care too. If you disagree, well I question your choices in life.

2. Matrix followed by any number – bored to death. Stupid and instant insomniac cure. I will NEVER watch all 3. I got halfway through number 1 and wanted to slit my wrists. Not for a billion dollars.

3. Snakes on a plane Samuel L Jackson what were you thinking? I have no words.

4. Magic Mike- hot bods sure. Acting and story line terrible. Not even CT could make up for this travesty.

5. Transformers Of Extinction robots riding robot dinosaurs for what seemed like a million hours. I want to kill someone. Or become extinct myself!

6. Any Star Wars Prequels – rubbish. Utter rubbish. To function I need to pretend you never existed. Gareth Edwards, I’m coming after you.

7. Captain America 1 – worst Marvel movie ever. Says a lot.

8. Twilight, any one – good god teenage angst at its worse crossed with vampires. You should have taken notes from Interview With A Vampire and recast two main roles. P-Putz and Resting Bitch face, leave me cold.

9. Mission impossible 2 through to but not including Ghost Protocol. GP I liked. The rest? Waste of time and energy.

10. Groundhog Day – so damn frustrating I could not stop watching through the hate.

11 & 12 – Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit. Read the books. Way better.

Honourable mentions go to;
To Anchorman/s, or basically anything including Will Farrell. Also most recently Sex Tape and the “classics ” American Beauty and Shakespeare in Love.

I want my money back and the hours spent watching this travesties.

Love. Number 1 & 2 not negotiable.

1. The Usual Suspects – Brilliant. Never to be beaten. Epic ending. God Will Hunting. I can’t seoetste the two. They are are genius on different levels. I can’t even compare to rank!

2. Primal Fear – Edward Norton at his very best. Must watch!

3. Bad Grandpa – Funniest movie in like forever. Acquired taste but I was in hysterics the entire time.

4. Divergent – bad movie. Theo James is a god. I’ll sit through all 4 just to watch him breathe.

5. 21 Jump Street – 1 was better than 2 but still hilarious.

6. Not strictly movies but anything by Louis Theroux  – Amazing journalist and love watching his exposes. Yeah not movie movies but meh, my blog, I can add what I want.

7. Iron Man – RDJ is swag. Second one was a bit weaker than the others but I’ll forgive it.

8. Men In Black – Never fail to entertain nothing more.

9. Fast and furious minus Tokyo Drift – really goes without explaining. RIP Paul Walker.

10. The Transporter series – Jason Stathom at his best and WITH a plot. Winning.

10. Harry Potter – gotta be in there. Though books better.

11. TED – fucking hilarious.

12. Silence of The Lambs classic.

OMG I firgit Goid Will Hinting That’s inexcusable. It ties for no 1!

I also give much credit to Schindler’s List and Saving Private Ryan but for different reasons. Gut wrenching, real life, pure horror.

Honourable mentions to most marvel movies (bar the Toby McGuire Spider-Man or X-men or Wolverine), good Adam Sandler, The Hangover and Oceans (insert number, not original)

I’ll leave the classics for another time!

Feel free to add your own.

We Live In A Terror Filled World.

Well I woke up today in a relatively good mood, of course things are always relative, but today started on all bright and shiny with not a care in the world. Ok I lie, there are always a few cares, so I should say not a real rant in the world. I then open my Facebook and am assaulted with the opinion of a friend’s friend that immediately sends me into rant territory. Now you will have to stick with me on this one, because this is a touchy one, a political/religious one and I am in NO way prejudiced towards or against ANY faith or religion. As far as I’m concerned, you can believe whatever you want, you can tell me about it even, as long as you are tolerant of the fact I may not agree, I might disagree on some points but at every juncture EVERY person involved in the conversation will show some fucking respect and tolerance. As soon as you start spouting anti anything at me, I get stabby and that’s where the friendly conversation ends.

Because, I’m deadly serious here, there is ONE thing I won’t tolerate it’s prejudice of ANY type. Though I am well aware that given the political and religious climates that our world lives in that some religions get a bad wrap and may be treated with a bit more caution than others, Islam for example. I DO NOT blame Muslims for this, I don’t even blame Islam for this. WHO I do blame is the extremists that have utilised religion to make a political stand, committed horrendous crimes against humanity and as a result if you are Muslim/Islamic then yes your life just became a whole lot harder. Is this fair? No not really. But is it understandable? Well actually it really is. Because fear breeds caution, breeds hypersensitivity and it sure as shit breeds extra security checks. Is it fair to the every day Muslim wanting to board a plane? Fuck no, but in context of the world we live in today it is just something that has to happen. I look at the INDIVIDUAL and even the COLLECTIVE, 99% of whom are good, honest and non threatening, who now must actually be victimized by extra security checks, background check ect and the presumption of guilt before innocence is high. But I do propose that this is NOT the populations fault, it is NOT the media’s fault (though the do like to sensationalize) but it IS the fault of the extremists who have utilised Islam (or any other religion) to kill thousands on innocent people. You cannot blame the authorities or the population for being wary, it’s not like extremists wear coloured shirts or announce themselves but I do recognise the frustration that ANY innocent Muslim faces and the prejudice that goes along with it. Is it fair? No? But my question is, is it justified? The answer to this, unfortunately for all involved would have to be yes. Which makes me sick to the stomach.

The article I refer to this morning was about a flight being delayed out of JFK for 11 hours while the seating was rearranged to suit Jewish custom, men and women being segregated. The actual poster was informing the world had this been a flight full of Muslims that it would have ended in terror arrests and terrorism would have been splashed all over the news. Do I think he has a point? Maybe a small one, I will concede that. But then my next question is, would that actual reaction have been justified? Unfortunately I have to say yes. I will take the time here to point out that 11 hours seems like a VERY long time to rearrange seating arrangements and that I’m sure that in that time, terror checks were done, all passengers were background checked and there was nothing to be found. Making it a non story, hence the non reporting in the media (well except the anti-Jewish papers). Had it been a plane full of Muslims, I’m sure the same procedures would have been implemented, the same background checks, the same time delay but the substantial difference is this likely would have made mainstream news. Is it a fair double standard? Not by a long shot, but it is also a well-earned one. You cannot fault the media (too much) for reporting on events like this, being treated as possible terror activity, that has been investigated, when we live in an age where international terror threats come from mainly Islamic countries, where the bulk of international terror incidents have come from Islamic countries and where there are still horrific crimes against humanity, ISIS anyone, being committed by Islamic EXTREMISTS. I would argue that the media in this case, is not sensationalising the risk, but showing the population in general that they are acting out on the very real risk, have security measures in place and protocols that are being followed to protect innocent civilians. Innocent civilians include people of all races, religions, creeds and origins. I would think, even while it is unfair, that an Islamic family, traveling with their children on a flight that had extra security while on some level would be a little miffed that also the reverse of this is they would be grateful. Because they are just as big a target as the rest of us. This is NOT Islam’s fault, but the fault of the extremists who use Islam to commit horrendous crimes. If the situation was reversed and I as a “Christian” was tarred with the same brush as Christian extremists, I’d likely be unimpressed. Honestly, it would likely make me seethe. Though my seething would be aimed at the secular group that has made it this way, the extremists, NOT the people trying to protect my family, myself or the general public. I sure as hell would not be comparing it to the way other faiths are treated, just because the plain straight fact is that MY religion HAS these extremists that have earned ALL Christians this label, this fear and I am unfortunately caught in the middle. I wouldn’t be eying other religions and drawing comparisons and comparing apples to oranges, in the way we are treated. The sad fact of the matter, is the minority of MY religion/political origin has made this so and the blame falls directly on them and no one else. So to complain that a plane full of Jewish or Christian, or Hindi or whatever else religion, doesn’t get the same press coverage as an Islamic/Muslim flight, has nothing to do with prejudice but to do with history and the relevance in the terrorism filled world we live in. Last time I checked no other religion was responsible for bombing World Trade Centres, bringing down multiple planes, bombing marathons or beheading reporters. I agree that this is NOT Islam’s fault, it is the fault of political extremists acting in the “name of Islam”, but the fact remains, I cannot tell who is “acting in the name of Islam” and who isn’t, just by looking at them and nether can those who are in charge of protecting us all. This includes the Muslim/Islamic population who are just as horrified as the rest of us, over these terror attacks.

I actually have a very good friend who is Iranian, Muslim, and we had a discussion about this recently. An educated discussion about this. The way that Islam is actually being used to drive a political agenda, that the faith is but a tool for a tyrannical government to commit horrendous crimes and that how Islam exists today has very little to do with the actual faith, but the political landscape in which it lives. In which it grows and the way it is utilised. Unfortunately, like is the cases with most minorities or even majorities, that a large subsection gets tarred with the same brush as the extremist and people are frightened, uneducated and prejudiced due to this.

A great example of this is in a community close to my own there being the potential construction of a Mosque. Now this is causing all kinds of issues, the general population (non-Muslim) are outraged. They have cited everything from too much noise, to too much traffic, to disturbance to their way of life and whatever else BS excuse they can think up. The crux of the matter is that it’s got nothing to do with ANY of this, it’s based purely in fear. Misplaced fear and ignorance. The Mosque, I dare say, poses very little disruption to their day-to-day lives. It poses NO risk on their personal safety FROM the congregation (if that’s the correct term) but it does face disruption and safety risk from ignorant protestors and those who are uneducated enough, ignorant enough and stupid enough to tar every one of the Muslim faith as a “terrorist”. It makes me physically ill, that people go to such lengths to protest a religion, that for the most part, at least here, are harmless. They assimilate into our communities, their children go to school with our children and they are our friends and neighbours. This seems to be fine on a personal level, but if they gather for religious purposes people lose their fucking minds. These are the EXACT SAME people we associate with EVERY day, call our friends, socialize with even but put in the context of practising their religion? That makes people ignorant and frankly fucking disgusting.

So the point for today’s blog is NOT to judge anyone based on colour, religion, creed, political affiliation, ever. It is not fair. But to also recognise that there, when it comes to terror policy there is a justifiable double standard. Sure it’s not fair to the innocent Muslims, it really isn’t, but those who are educated enough and intelligent enough blame the people who ARE responsible, the extremists and not the government or the people in charge of trying to keep us, the general population safe.

My other message is for those of you who ARE ignorant, who ARE judgemental based on faith rather than recognising ALL religions have extremists (history is full of Christian extremists, as well as any other religion you care to learn about) you need a fucking hard smack to the face. A religion or a faith or even a political affiliation does NOT make a person a bad person, a terrorist or even an extremist. You should not tar them all with the same bigoted brush, regardless of fear. Every person should be evaluated on the base of their character and personality, religious and political beliefs aside. My final point is those who are unfortunately targeted unfairly, need to look squarely where the blame lays (outside of uneducated fools) but the extremists that have committed hideous crimes in the name of religion and STOP pointing out double standards. Yes they exist, but they were earned. NO they are NOT fair, but even if you are of Islamic/Muslim heritage, these rules are also put in place to protect YOU too. Yes you have to go through extra checks, you are ignorantly eyed up and down before a flight and yes you do carry an element of fear to the rest of the general public. The fact is you can’t blame the public for this reaction, because it’s not targeted towards you PERSONALLY, it’s targets at the possibility you MAY be an extremeist. Though it’s a bitter pill and it may be hard to take, it’s an unfortunately legacy you have to deal with due to the extremists bastardising your faith and political views to suit their own purposes and commit horrendous crimes.

While it’s horrible to deal with, unfair even, it may be these very precautions that one day save you your lives from a terror attack too. It’s a disgraceful double standard, but it is one that is well-earned, so lay the blame where it REALLY lays. As for the rest of us, time to wake up and realise extremists exist in all shapes and forms and to tar someone as a terrorist or an extremist based purely on faith is unacceptable. You’re Muslim neighbour is likely just as much at risk as you are, but they also have the added “bonus” of all the negativity that surrounds their faith. Think of it this way, imagine living your day-to-day like with everyone looking at you like you are a white supremacist or a member of the KKK, just  because of the colour of your skin. Walk a few steps in their shoes, see how it feels and stop the cycle of fear and ignorance. People are just people. Extremist are extremists and unfortunately extremist can be ANY person. We have the government and authorities to look over these things and monitor them, there is no need for YOU the average person to decide who is what. You’re not qualified. If you think you are you need a fucking kick up the ass and to realised you’re an uneducated bigoted moron who is PART of the problem and NOT the solution. You are ADDING to the terror climate we live in today. Make a conscious decision to step out of that and try acceptance of the individual, rather than tarring an individual with the brush of a very small group of fundamentalist extremists. Otherwise, you might as well become a white supremacist. Your halfway fucking there already.

Not pictures today this is not a “fun” blog but very serious and I expect it to be taken that way.

I also thought this John Oliver piece made for interesting viewing. It’s sort of related and sort of not. But is an example of Terror Laws gone too far and being far too undefined.

Greatest FB User Hates!

facebook

Being time poor seems to be my new bloody way of life, which means my ranting gets put on the back burner, sorry about that. The more frustrating thing is I still have plenty to rant about, but by 10pm at night I just can’t be assed sitting down to spew it all out onto paper. This makes me all kinds of itchy and with a massive rant backlog! Fun times for those around me. I’ve got an “MSG is a bastard” rant and “Fuck the flexing iPhone 6 screen split” rant in me, just need the time to share my rage sufficiently. No half assed ranting on those topics because they make me positively stabby.

Though today I’ve compiled a top 12 of my most hated FB users. I’m sure you can all relate and have unsubscribed from these feeds or blocked these users. There is no simple defriending in my world. If you find yourself banished it’s a permanent, blocked and cease to exist as far as I’m concerned thing. So if I ever disappear from your life, without announcing the deletion of my FB or at least having me tell you I’m shutting it down, you can suspect one of these two things. 1. I’ve blocked you or 2. I’ve deleted my account and you’re not important enough to have been told directly. Though if it makes you feel better you can pretend that you might have missed the “I’m deleting my FB” post, which of course would disappear with me. You’re welcome!

In no particular order:

1. Vaguebooking: the dramatic grab for attention that insinuates the account owner has something big going on but doesn’t actually say what it is. Resulting in concerned messages or demands for explanation. This is generally met with “I just can’t talk about it” or the even more dramatic “I’ll PM you”. Fuck that shit, I don’t care enough to beg and I outgrew guessing games in primary school. It can’t be that bad or private if you’ve taken the actual fucking time to FB about it. Stop attention whoring!

vague

2. The single-minded agenda: this poster has certain beliefs, political, religious or random that they just ram down your throat continuously. SO much pomp and ceremony to accompany them. Like if they post it enough they will validate their opinion and convert you. Since 99% of people are stupid, you can safely assume I already have MY opinion on whatever you’ve posted and yours? Unless it’s the same as mine, is wrong. Mood dependent I might just point this out for trolling entertainment. Nothing like a good troll to brighten ones day.

3. The inspirational meme poster: OMG if you’re so damn full of inspiration or in need for it, get the fuck off FB and get some. Posting horrendous amounts of positive memes won’t make you positive or inspired. Actually more likely the opposite. Also any sane person is just rolling their eyes at you. You inspire me to want to punch you in the face. So you’re at least inspiring something I guess. Huzzah!

moto meme

4. The passive aggressive poster: generally combined targeted Vaguebooking and horrendous “I’m so superior and love myself” memes. They are trying to piss someone off or send a message to someone. They just don’t have the stones to do it directly. Well fucking done, you really told them. If they realise it’s about them or if they actually see it. Hear that noise? That’s your spine on the floor begging to be used. Man the fuck up and just say it. Though a bonus to this is it’s likely that several of your “friends” actually think you might be actually talking about them and be suitably offended. Nothing like random plebs thinking you are insulting them and a Vaguebooking FB war to ensue. Fun to watch. Me? I just assume you’re not talking to me and if you were I wouldn’t give a fuck anyway.

unicorn shit

5. Look at me: the incessant selfies, progress reports or general commentary on how much they are achieving/ how great their life is / how wonderful they are. Sure your life is great, your partner and relationship perfect and you shit like a unicorn, all sparkled glitter and rainbows. We believe you. Ermmm if this was true you wouldn’t feel the need to tell us all, you’d either be out living your perfect life or would actually have it together enough not to have to validate yourself through others telling you how great you are. Low self-esteem, check. See you really show us the opposite, the sad pathetic side that needs validation. Here I’ll validate that, you’re sad and pathetic!

look at me

6: The children picture/ anecdote overload: it’s ok to share pictures or anecdotes about your kids. Just realise that other than close friends and immediate family the rest of us have zero interest more than a passing one of your crotchfruit spawn. Actually the more you post, the more we dislike them. They are special to you but over all not so special. They’d better get used to it, this is how life rolls. Don’t set them up for failure when they have to grow up and realise they aren’t fucking special, like you’ve been telling them their whole life. Do them a favour!

7. The bragger: look at what I bought. Look at what I did. Look at who I know. This is an extension of the “look at my wonderful life” poster but is generally aimed at showing off how socially or financially important or prosperous one is. It’s normally the reverse. Those who are actually socially important or fiscally affluent don’t go flashing it around because to them it’s just normal, nothing to show off here. So sorry not buying it at all. But thanks for playing.

8. The TMI poster: you get to hear about their latest sexcapades, their bodily functions, their medical history or basically a bunch of totally “I don’t need to know” information. No one cares if you just ovulated, if you just had epic sex or the weird rash you have. Honestly we don’t. Unless it’s funny, to us. But we are laughing at you, not with you. Otherwise you should stop and think before your post “does the world need to hear about this”. The answer is always fucking NO! Learn to regulate yourself please. Though if it’s funny, keep it coming. Nothing like laughing at the whore who’s got a weird rash “down there“.

TMI

9. Try hard: trying too hard to be funny, witty, likeable and basically seeking social approval from a relative bunch of strangers they don’t encounter in their day-to-day lives. We can all see through it, you’re not funny or witty or even smart. You do score highly on the irritability scale though. Don’t even try, you’re more likeable that way. Not actually likeable, but more so.

10. The post/opinion stealer: they like what you’ve posted so much that they try to pass it off as their own. Whether it’s a thought, an opinion or even just a meme. We get it, you have no capacity for free thinking or ability to coherently write your own opinion. It’s funniest when said post stealer has tried to paraphrase an opinion and it makes absolutely no fucking sense, even to the poster. Even more fucking funny if they are questioned about it and just can’t back up opinion or post with anything new. You wonder if they actually comprehend anything about what they’ve posted! Jesus, if you can’t articulate what you believe, I’m not convinced you even understand the topic enough to have an opinion. Best just to remain quiet and have people assume you’re stupid than actually “talk” and confirm it.

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11. The competition poster: they have to try to one up either everyone or certain people on everything that they have posted. It never ends, it’s a constant stream of “look at me” and “look what I have” that has suspicious timing with the “competitor’s” posts. Competitor is usually oblivious to competition until it continues and we step into “single white female” or “keeping up with the Joneses” territory. You’re sloppy seconds, we get it. They are who you want to be, cooler than you and more likeable than you. No wonder you can’t keep up. Stop fucking trying, it’s pathetic!

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12. The feed spammer: must share every damn thing that enters their peon brain as it happens. So many posts, so little time and even smaller shits given. No one needs 15 minute updates on your life or wants them. We don’t need to hear every pathetic thought or weird epiphany as you have it. Really there should be a spam feed folder.

Special mention to “the continual woe is me poster”, the “everything in my life sucks and I’m doing nothing to change it poster”, the poster who just likes but never comments and the poster who only contacts you when they want something…. Bonus points if on any of the aforementioned if they tag people in them specifically.

Dr Past Employer…

screw-keep-calm-and-burn-those-bitches

Well there is nothing like meeting with your new employer and coordinator’s to open your eyes wide to the fact that past employer has just wasted the past 9 months of your fucking life. Dabbling your toes in the wading pool that is their research verses world leading cutting edge type stuff. So all I can say to them is fuck you, the bill is in the mail. I work on billable hours and you owe me around 120k. You better fork it out our we are going to have a world of issues that need to be addressed and me going out of my way to steal all your funding is going to be the least of your problems!

You assclowns had me doing stuff that is so under world standard if you even think of putting my name on the publication, I’m coming to cut you in person and Magnus is on the way to collect shiny eyeballs as we speak. Fuckers. I’ve just been introduced to cutting edge technology that involves monitoring micro expressions via mathematical algorithms, galvanic skin testing, mapping of neural pathways and in real-time measuring of cortisol (stress hormone) levels. You? You had me looking at perceptions of a certain population. You see the difference? This is how your “soft science” becomes “hard science” and cutting edge. It’s how advancements are made and how we don’t all just end up just pissing in the wading pool.

We’ve stepped into the global ocean  and you can kiss my ass from as far behind me as you are. Your “what the fuck you stole her” email was met with many laughs. Really an angry email to my new employer? You have to be kidding me! It comes under the don’t give a fuck banner.

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So today is my second day of my new job and basically I’m going into meetings get to claim my territory and eye off all the other researchers. Of course I’ll have my usual impeccably dressed self and attitude to match. Got to make a lasting impression and that’s I’m not to be fucked with. See the world of research is highly competitive and my field even more so because there are only a few of us in the country. So to them I’m the “newbie” who they will be assessing for potential threat to scholarships, grants and be in their minds right at the bottom of the pecking order.

Well fuck that suckers, pecking order has changed. I’ve paid my dews over the years, so while I’m new, I stomped this territory nearly 10 years ago also. In the interim, I’ve stomped in several other territories. They are going to need to respect this and realise the newbie, not so new. Also the newbie was headhunted and that deserves some fucking respect. They applied, I was handed. The fact I’m choosing my research team should be a clear indicator I’m not to be fucked with and to be taken seriously! So they better take notice. Who am I kidding, they likely hate me already. Good. A taste of dislike will keep them on their toes!

boss

Of course I have my superpower of looking dumb. So initial impressions will confuse them. How did SHE get here?? WHO is she? And of course WHY the fuck is she here? Let them judge and be all kinds of confused. That suits me perfectly. Means I already have an advantage. I’ve been underestimated and that is always people’s downfall. They see a pretty face, a well put together persona who’s immaculately dressed and they immediately coin me as “a dumb blonde”. Awesome, see that assumption will have them think they have the upper hand, rather than really knowing the playing field. Which has just changed dramatically. The fact I have my own office, should be a giveaway, but visual first impressions always overrule rationality. Winning.

So let me grab my best boots and head out to stomp again on this playing field. Perma smile and sweet as pie nature. If they are as good as reading behaviour as they should be, as I am, then they will know the score instantly. But that’s a big IF, because my behaviour will be specifically what I want them to see. Can they see through what I want them to see? How good are they really?

Game on!

*sigh* turns out there is no one to play with. I’m IT as far as researchers go. Employer is very selective and I’m the only selection in past 5 years. So bonus there but also means many a sycophant wanting to join my team. Round 2 of interviews will commence next week. These are the most fun cause I get to ask you negative things like “tell me your weaknesses”, “tell me a time where you failed to reach target” and “tell me where you want to be in 5 years”. The answers to these questions are important. I’m looking for honesty, self admittance and accountability and someone to look me dead in the eye and tell me they expect to be my boss and believe it. Of course they are wrong, but hey if the shoot for the top, they might just hit something close on the way down. If they have it in them. Time will tell.

I also get my own bunch of undergrads to torture next year and as sure as the sun does shine if you don’t turn up, you fail. You will earn every single mark I award you and I won’t be handing them out freely. You wanna swim in MY pool, there is NO floating allowed. So I hope the poor bastards are ready! They will thank me for it one day, if they don’t drown in the process. I might be the boss/lecturer from hell but I’m also the one who will weed out those who are here for real and those who want the P’s for degrees. No for them it really is GAME ON!

The only down side is I have 6 weeks to nail genetics. I have a mediocre understanding at this point, but I need to be better than mediocre. Genetics for dummies’ I hear you say. Nah, that’s for dummies’. So first and second year medical school genetics textbooks are my new best friend. Oh eidetic memory it’s times like this you’re a blessing and not a curse! Just got to be able to comprehend what I can see in my memory. Somehow I feel punnet squares aren’t going to cut it. But I’ll nail it, always do… So challenge accepted!

* The lack of proof trading is brought to you today by a brain absorbed in genetics and nothing more.

** The lack of pictures is brought to you by WordPress being a prick and me being too lazy to go down to my actual computer, rather than my phone to post.

I Expect Too Much….

shit

Well I should have known, since my first day at work yesterday went epically well that to balance things out the universe was going to be a massive pain in the ass today. I SHOULD have expected it, but as usual I expect too much and it comes back to bite me in the ass. *sigh*

government

If I ever needed proof that we live in an ass backwards country, this would prove my point. You’ve already heard me rant about government departments who pass the buck and have you chasing your tail to find out who is responsible for what. The end result being no one is responsible for anything, unless they are chasing you. You try to get them to act on a complaint, around you go. So why should our postal system be any different?

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You all know I purchased and sold several iPhone 6’s to overseas buyers, for a nice little profit. Yay me right? What I didn’t count on was the postal service refusing to carry items due to the fact they have lithium batteries and are classified as a “dangerous good”. You would think since said batteries can be taken on commercial flights, both in cabin and cargo, that there would be no issue. I’m certain several million iPhone’s, iPad’s, iPod’s and laptop’s ect fly each day with no fucking issues at all. You want to send one overseas unaccompanied, like a small child, then they refuse to take it? What the living fuck? It suddenly becomes a “dangerous good”. Oh you can send IF you take the battery out. Yeah Apple and the buyers would love that, goodbye warranty and plus I wouldn’t know how to even start to try to remove a battery. They are called Apple Geniuses for a reason.

So at 8am this morning I get a call from my local post office, “your parcel has been refused by customs, please come and collect”. Oh Jesus fucking Christ, really? The only reason is the battery. So I start to panic as I have 6 phones paid for that have international homes to go to. Hang on a second, how did they get here? They were flown in cause on the side of the box says “assembled in china” and as sure as shit they didn’t come by sea. Ironically they are going back to China.

china

So I do a little bit of digging. Turns out this is POSTAL customs we are talking about, not FEDERAL customs. Federal customs have no fucking issue if you fill out about a gazillion forms and get them sent by DHL. So the post office AND their head office really have no fucking idea when it comes to customs. “It can’t go out of our country and it can’t go into China”. What you REALLY mean, but don’t say “is through our service cause we are a bunch of fucking assclowns and have a stupid dangerous rule in place because we are too lazy to look at paperwork”.

dhl

 

One phone call to DHL, phone is declared, booked, paid for and they will pick up. Great. Three times the price but hell at least it goes to where it’s supposed to. Though I have to treck to the post office and deal with plebs to get item back. No issue on the item but when they wanted to keep my fucking postage fee I lost my shit! What the fuck do you mean you are going to keep my money because you accepted something for post that you KNOW can’t be posted? What it is is written on the customs form. Epic tantrum ensues and for me to epic tantrum it’s like the equivalent of an overtired 3-year-old, coming off a sugar high who is sick and all kinds of pissed cause the iPad has run out of batteries. Major, epic scene. See I’ve learnt in the past the bigger the tantrum, the more likely they are to give you what you what you want just to get rid of you. Absofuckingloutly worked again. It should never have needed to cause me to lose my shit. You don’t provide a service and then why the fuck should I pay you? So at least my loss of total control and ranting and raving got me back my postal fees. Likely burned off a few calories too. I’ll take it.

first class

 

So I sit here and wait, with my gazillion pages of paperwork for the private courier company to come and pick up the phone, to pop it on the SAME plane as the national postage service parcels, for three times the cost. Just because we have a lazy government-owned postal service. Well this fucker better be sitting up there in first class, cause that’s the ticket I paid for. Assbackwards country, you really have some explaining to do. The ONLY country in the world that won’t send phones through the postal service and you need a courier instead. So today you earn the title of Epic Grade A Cunt, for both that and trying to rip me off. Lets just hope the day improves from here on in, but you know if it starts off bad before your feet have even hit the carpet that things are NOT going to go your way today. So breathing deep and just rolling with it. Pass me the Xanax and some wine and let me wash the tilt away!

Apples v Oranges. Or Apples v Apple?

So after today’s birthday party and a conversation with a friend it’s led me to ponder the success of Apple products today and whether their sales are a result of brand loyalty or because of the innovation and quality of their products?

I will give them quality, no competition in my mind, when it comes to smartphones, who has the better quality phone. Though the new Samsung has bridged the gap considerably and may just be the same, but I’ve never looked. Why? Because I’m an Apple lover…. I’ve never had reason to stray.

But innovation? I actually think Apple are letting themselves down. For sure others are in some areas trying to catch up, have caught up and superseded. Overall Apple in comparison to their competitors  seem to have stagnated. The innovation we’ve come to expect from Apple, where is it today? It seems to have passed with Jobs.

I can sit here and ponder this on my shiny iPhone 6, which but for the size, the functionality is much the same as the 5 with an updated iOS. What does this 6 have that the 5 didn’t? Why are people lining up for days to get one? Well it sure as shit isn’t because it’s a better phone than the 5. I’ve had the 6 for 48 hours now and can say that without a doubt. The difference IN the actual phone, when it comes to features is next to nothing. It’s come to the table empty-handed. Which, from what I expect from Apple, is very disappointing.

Yes you get a better processor, a better screen, a better camera and let’s hope to fuck a better batty life. But I EXPECT that with an upgrade. That’s why it’s an upgrade and they are standard things, but not being totally tech obsessed the subtle differences to me aren’t noticeable. No WOW. Just expected. Do I expect too much? If I do Apple you only have yourself to blame!

So that leaves two options. I’ve said Apple still has questionably better quality phones than its competitors, so take that out of the equation. That leaves us with “Apple sheep” in relation to brand loyalty and the show off factor. Everyone wants the latest and “greatest” version of something. I ponder how much of Apples sales fall into these two parts of the spectrum.

Some might argue brand loyalty doesn’t play a part and the consumer buys what it wants. I would argue brand loyalty is what’s keeping Apple afloat in the phone department. It’s not the innovation. Apple, to some, is like a religion. Let’s face it if they were religions you’d have Apple v Android (or windows based) phones. You are either one or the other. Not many flip their side of the coin when it comes to preference. Or walk both lines at the same time, it’s one or the other. You might get the odd dabbler but generally you’re an Apple devout or an Android devout. While sales for the iPhone 6 were record-breaking in the opening day, I ponder will this trajectory last or will they find themselves floundering as the novelty of a new phone wears off?

I actually think the answer to this question is a yes. I am going to go out on a limb here and say that the iPhone 6 (not the plus) won’t sell as well long-term as the iPhone 5. Purely based on lack of innovation. The market is fickle, consumers liked to be wowed and told what we MUST have and they can provide. Apple I’m still waiting to hear why I must have a 6. This from the person who went on a 48 hour mammoth non sleep bender to get a 6. I will be looking more closely at other phones features, because I see nothing new here. What do you have that I didn’t know I needed until you offered it to me? That’s innovstion, being able to give the consumer something new, that they didn’t even know they wanted, that they hit MUST have.

My guess is also a lot of sales are for show. Let’s look at the resale of the 6’s on eBay and people paying 10x what they retail for to have one NOW and not in the next coming months. People love to be seen with new and shiny products. Look what I have. I’ll put my hand up, I love the fact I have a new and shiny 6 and no one else I know does. It’s the narcissist in me. You know when people are willing to pay ridiculous amounts of money to have something immediately, it’s hedonism making the call and not the brain. Hell if you offered me 2k for this shiny new object, I’d sell it to you, after having used it and seen minimal differences between it and the 5. I’d bet someone who’s on a waiting list backlog with Apple would pay me that. Because it’s all new and shiny and they HAVE to have it. Though once played with, the shine wears off and it’s just a phone, like your old 5 was. That’s right *gasp* I said it, it’s just a phone. Apple do you hear me, the 6 is just a phone. Just isn’t good enough with fickle consumers.

So Apple that leaves me to ponder your future and my future with you as a consumer. What are you giving me that I need that until you told me I didn’t know I had to have? You’re going to have to show me something. Brand loyalty got me to get a 5, a 5s and a 6, flying on the coattails of the innovative 4. But when the 6s or 7 roll around I question how compelled will I be to purchase one? Brand loyalty only gets you so far and I think you’ve pretty much gotten as far as you’ll get with that. So I think it’s time to put up or shut up. Show me why I need you, why I want you and why I must have you. My faith is wavering with your lack of innovation. It got me this far but I don’t think I will go a step further without you giving me something I’m wowed about. It’s like the iPad, I’ve lost all interest and they’ve been handed to the kids. Some of those android tabs look very inviting (HP I’m looking at you sideways) and I feel the urge to stray coming. Which says a lot. I’ve been a iPhone person from the 3s till today…. But will I still be here waiting for you to wow me, while others are doing a better job? Likely not.

So my salient point is and remains, if you compare Apples to Apples, 5 years ago to today. Today’s Apple looks just as you’d imagine the one from 5 years ago would look if it really was an apple. Out of date, leaves a bad taste in your mouth and sending you on a search to find a new “Apple” and pondering if maybe I’d prefer an Orange? Innovation Apple, find some or like I predict, even the most loyal Apple devout will stray.

So tell me, I beg you, what do I NEED that I didn’t even know about till you told me I needed it?

Love, Hate And Don't Get It Celebs

Ok MrBmB isn’t going to divorce me over second kitten, so sorry fella’s I’m still off the market…. And unhinged. So nothing has changed. Thinking of calling him Zeus. Cause a Zeus and a Magnus seem to be a good name match for a cat and bird! Or Bosco. Just cause. Wondering if walking around yelling out “hey Zeus” is as funny as it seems to be in my head!

I was going to write a bit about the new iPhone 6 but at the moment the best I can come up with is “it’s like Apple built a Samsung sized phone”. Mainly due to size. The plus HAS to be just an iPad mini you can use as a phone. Cause if this fucker seems huge, then I can’t imagine a bigger version! My phone pockets of my designer bags are screaming “you wanna stick that fucking huge thing where?Feature wise? Meh, it’s a little fucken lacking as far as what I expected. It really is just a bigger 5 that has apps that are better suited to your iPad (Pages is an example and a version of PowerPoint. Basically you have Microsoft Office on your phone).

So yeah it’s bigger, that’s the extent of the review. Would I go on another 48 hours no sleep bender if I could have a do over? Absofuckingloutly… It might not have made much of an impression but at least I have an impression. It might have some more handy things I’ve yet to discover yet, will keep you updated.

Ohh I literally just discovered you can answer a text mid doing something else, without having switch screens. That’s cool. So liking more. See need to discover the new features as they pop up, literally, cause I’m far too lazy to look them up.

Anyways because I’m having Master 3’s Birthday Party today and need to prepare for that, this is a list of my top 12 hated, loved and I don’t why they are famous celebrities. In no particular order.

HATED.

1. Taylor Swift – annoying slutty bitch. I wish she’d shake it off the edge of a cliff.

2. Lea Michele – diva, limited talent and profited off milking the death of the “love of her life” and spent anniversary of it with new boyfriend away on holiday. Classy.

3. Shia LaBeouf – Asshat

4. Rhianna – diva, slutty cunt.

5. Mark Zuckerberg and all FB cunts – obvious reasons already mentioned.

6. Tom Cruise – Scientology? Oh please.

7. Brangelina – just fucking irritating and all the selfless charitable acts they make money off. See no such thing as a selfless act post for more detail.

8. Miley Cyrus/ Paris Hilton/ Lindsay Lohan / Any Kardashian / Kendra / Nicole Richie / Kelly Ozbourne and “those” types – they are stupid.

9. Jenny McCarthy – so many fucking levels. Stupid. Immunisation scare mongering and the way she devalues the ASD community by saying she “cured her sons autism”. You mean he was misdiagnosed?!

10. Justin Bieber – complete twat.

11. Kristen Stewart – resting bitch face syndrome and Twilight. She looks like a right miserable bitch!

12. Robert Pattinson – not good-looking, face like a smashed crab, bad actor and Twilight.

Honorable mention’s go to
John Mayer – some of his music is great. He’s a douche bag.

Also Gwyneth Paltrow and Natalie Portman because they are so pretentious.

There are actually loads more I could add but they were the ones who sprang to mind first. It’s mainly women I realise but male celebrities seem to fly under my bitch radar.

LOVED.

1. Zach Braff – Scrubs, hilarious and seems like a good guy. I’m told he is as well.

2. Louis Theroux – love his documentaries and his goofy way.

3. Matt Damon – he helped write Good Will Hunting. Told he’s a good guy. Affleck I pretend had nothing to do with GWH.

4. Russell Brand – don’t agree with a lot of the shit that comes out of his mouth but man that dude is smart! Gotta love the “not stupids”

5. Adam Levine/ Cee Lo / Will.i.Am – great judges on Voice. Also because Adam is hot, Cee Lo cause he’s so random and Will.I.Am all the quirks make him great!

6. Robert Downey Jr – just totally swag.

7. JLaw – ok actress. Silver Linings Playbook she was brilliant and her interviews are ALWAYS crazy and off the wall. Never fails to amuse.

8. Simon Cowell – well cause he’s a bastard and not afraid to show it!

9. The Bloggess – best blogger ever.

10. Zach Galifianakis – between two ferns is fucking brilliant . Hilarious guy.

11. Jim Parsons/Hugh Lawrie – Sheldon Cooper one of the funniest characters ever. House fantastic characters. Both act amazingly.

12. Will Wheaton – all round good guy. The “nerd speech” was epic!

Honorable mention to Peter Capldi for making Dr Who watchable! Also Robbie Willams because I’ve met him when working in a hotel in the UK. Nicest guy and didn’t act like a bastard at all.

Along those lines. Anyone else Remember that shoe “Monkey Magic”…. Everyone remembers it but has no damn clue what it was. Re watched an episode awhile ago. Wow! Totally blew my mind. Made zero sense and I was obsessed with it as a kid!

 

DON’T GET!

1. Beyoncé – she can sing but where is s personality? Yawn. Plus being called out in skinny app’ing her photos? Gold

2. Miranda Kerr – just a pretty face.

3. Orlando Bloom – I don’t think I’ve ever seen a move with him in it and I remember him being in it.

4. Chris Heamsworth – ok actor. I think his popularity is based on his physique in Thor.

5. Cameron Diaz – just don’t get it. I don’t rate her on any level.

6. Jessica Alba – See above

7. Mila Kunis – again see above.

8. Ashton Kutcher – just seems like big kid and nothing more.

9. Jennifer Aniston – nothing to do with Brandgelina. Just dull.

10. Jessica Beil & Justin Timberlake – again just really dull.

11. Kate Middelton – seems ok but don’t get the adoration.

12. Hugh Grant – don’t get it. All I see is floppy hair.

Honourable mentions go to Ryan Gosling, Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Garner, Nicole Kidman and Leonardo DiCaprio. I’m sure I forgot somebody in there that rates highly, the irony.

Jude Law, it’s Jude law.

 

That’s all folks!