Yeah I'm Judging The Hell Out Of You!


You know some things are minor seeming things, on deeper inspection not so much, but they really piss me off! They don’t need to be anything special or they might be innocuous or seemingly so.

This pet peeve fits the latter category. Those women who feel the need to wear gym attire EVERYWHERE. Like seriously? Did the fashion gods die and leave you unattended? Or you just stopped caring? You think it makes you look cute? (cute and lazy are not interchangeable) Fit? Healthy? Or, I just dunno, I’m stuck on lazy.

Gym attire is FOR the gym. So if you’re wearing it I assume you’re going TO the gym or have come from the gym. The latter is gross. They have showers and changing facilities for s reason. No one wants to be subjected to your post workout stank. NO ONE and how you can walk around and let’s face it it’s more like a strut in your sweat covered, stinky and actually bacteria breeding ground of clothing longer than is absolutely necessary is beyond me. Are you trying to start a plague of super gym related bacteria or fungus? Vaginal mushrooms the new in thing? Ack. My OCD just went into overdrive and not even a bleach bath will fix it. Not even a dozen. It’s all types of fucking gross! Get it together and find personal hygiene, cause you two need to set up a meeting ASAP. Before you start another plague! Please I beg you and so do the rest of the population.


If you are going TO the gym, same principle applies. Change rooms. Conveniently you will also have something clean to change into post workout, after a shower. See how that works? Poetic really! Plus let’s face it if you have the spare time to go to the gym frequently, you can spare 5-10 minutes to put on proper clothes and shower. Hell you might not even have to shower that night if you time things right. You might be time-saving! You’re welcome.


Yeah I hear you all saying “but it’s comfortable” but so are harem pants and a tank, a cute playsuit or even shorts and a tank. In winter jeans and a sweater (not sweat pants, they are for at home only)…. That argument has as many holes in the bucket as the song. So my advice is “fix it dear gym bunny, fix that hole”.

So some of you might be rolling your eyes thinking I’m vain. No not really at all. I’m all about looking decent  (at worst) and good when I need too. I’m not suggesting full makeup (or ever really, I might put on the basics maybe once a week or properly if I’m going out or have a work meeting). A tinted moisturizer, bit of cream blush/eyeshadow/lip combo and MAYBE some mascara and I’m good to go, on a dressed up a bit day. Normally sans makeup, just sunscreen. I’m not suggesting blown out hair, straightened and I use far too much dry shampoo but everyone can rock a ponytail, easily. See it’s simple.

Then I wonder as a Mum, a wife, a housekeeper and student WHO the fuck has the time to go to the gym several times a week? Like chasing toddlers isn’t enough exercise! You try lifting 18kg of pure muscle dozens of times a day! Add in a 11kg baby and a 17kg and 21kg kid. Weights be damned. Squatting to pick up kids, to clean up mess, to tidy ect. Then there is the chasing…. God I get 5 hours workout a day at HOME!

I’d rather spent that time WITH my kids, planning stuff for them, looking after the household chores (ok not rather spending time but it has to be done) with MrBmB and yeah yeah working. No way I have 7-10 hours a week to fit into going to the gym (travel time, exercise, showering ect.) I’m just FAR too busy and my top priority are my family, not my body.

Health sure, I’m diabetic so that’s a must and after 4 kids I’m at my pre pregnancy weight (don’t hate me I have a hard assed endocrinologist who threatened me with lack of kidney function, loss of eye sight, loss of limbs and death…. I’m not sure if he meant from the diabetes or him but you don’t fuck with this endocrinologist he’s as tough as nails, blunt and I have to say I love him lol).

I didn’t document my weight loss cause frankly that’s all types of narcissistic even for me (yeah woah right but I have self-esteem) and the answer “I did it cause I didn’t want to die” gets mixed results. I have metabolic syndrome also (thyroid fine so it gets zero credit). I’m happy to talk about it. It’s really easy, remembering I have 3 spinal fractures so exercise was out. Calories in less than calories expended. No secret. Low GI carbs, not no carbs(hello kidney failure), eat low-fat and take good quality vitamins (Xanax is a vitamin right? It’s a joke people) and no special wonderful diet that’s all kinds of weird, crazy and frankly a fad. I lost 70lbs in 9 months, doing these simple things. No diet pills, no shakes just plain fucking common sense. Spent ZERO time at the gym and taught my kids healthy eating habit. My diabetes is in the non medicated range due to it. (for the time being, it’s autoimmune, so we shall meet again no doubt)


But I digress. Gym wear is gym wear not everyday attire. It never will be and when I see you at drop off/pick up I sure as shit judge the fuck out of you. You can take your kids for bike rides, walks, play in the park, play tag, soccer ect for exercise. Plus all the aforementioned exercise you get just being a parent. You don’t need a fucking gym as a parent . I see it as self-absorbed, narcissistic (and coming from me that’s huge) and vanity and insecurity all mixed into one low self-esteem bundle.

I will add here some women need the kickstart and I don’t begrudge them that. But the ones I know are doing it for their health and not vanity. Back to gastric bypass territory here. You know who you are. I also have no issue with parents exercising at home when kids are napping. You’re still parenting at the same time and not fucked then off for “me” time.

I had a mother of a friend of Master 6’s say she’d never have another baby (they have an only child) cause it changed her body too much. She’s a massive gym bunny. Well fuck me, creating a life of course comes second to skinny jeans. Seriously it took all my willpower not to cut her on the spot. I’m sure she’s an awesome parent too. Actually not, Dad takes the child to birthday parties while Mum goes to the gym.

All I have to say is I hope it’s all worth it, skinny jeans, lack of memories and teaching your children size is everything. When they develop an eating disorder or and obsessive exercise disorder be sure to blame society and not the example you have set. Cunts. Hope it keeps you warm at night and those final moments on earth aren’t these ones I’m telling you you’re going to regret.


For the record I’m not anti healthy at all. I’m as healthy as they come. I’m anti putting your kids in care, leaving them with random relatives, spending large parts of most days in the gym and basically being a total asswipe parent. I even judge Mum’s who leave kids with Dad on weekends so they can have “bonding time with Dad” and they go to the gym. Fucking lame excuse. That’s family time. Hell I won’t even exercise in our HOME gym when the kids are in bed cause I actually like spending time with my husband and without kids that’s few and far between as it is.

So in summary, have a meeting with personal hygiene, get your priorities straight and stop being a douche parent. If I hear “but having ME time makes me a better parent”, yes I will agree. But “ME” time doesn’t equal a full waking day (in hours a week) at the gym and for Christ sakes just have a relaxing bath or go shopping for a few hours or a massage.

You don’t even have to buy anything shopping, just relax kid free. But posting all your fitness, weight loss and other associated diet crap for the rest of us to see? Vanity. Pride and Envy are mortal sins, even I know that and I’m not religious. You might get sycophant pats on the back but for every 1 of those 100 of us are thinking just what I said and rolling our eyes. You might have better self-esteem (it’s not real by the way cause its based on others opinions, psychological fact) but credibility, none. Ouch!

You’re a parent, time to grow up and stop acting like an insecure teenager. Or those of you who will for sure write in and call me jealous I’m a US size 4, have an epic rack and am a 9 on a bad day. I’m not in the least jealous. I’m just honest!