OCD Problems

Ok, so don’t clinically have a proper OCD diagnosis, that’s because I cheated on the test. One of the perks of knowing these tests and having an eidetic memory is I can score tests in my head as I go and I can identify malingering questions. You know the one’s that are used to try to catch you lying. I decided  sub threshold  was good enough for me. What can I say? I hate labels, they are so limiting and confining. I don’t like being boxed, cause I’m claustrophobic and hell I don’t think I fit any real mould. It broke after me. Thankfully, I hear you say.

But I do have what I would call certain idiosyncrasies that I live by. Firstly I must read the last chapter of a book first. I hate surprises and investing time, energy and emotion in something that’s just going to soccer punch me at the end. If I know what’s coming I can invest the right amount. Like TV shows, I don’t like to start watching them until production is finished and I know how it ends. A great example of the is Breaking Bad. I’ve watched all bar the last 3 episodes and have no plans on ever watching them, though I love the series. For the love of God why? I hear you screaming. Well I know HOW it ends but actually knowing and watching it are two different things. I like where I’m at, I have closure cause I know the ending but I avoid the soccer punch (sorry if that’s a spoiler of sorts). Also why I refuse to watch the last season of HIMYM. Noooo thanks!

I saw both The a Hunger Games and Divergent in the cinema before I read the first books. I then bought the books, skipped the first one, and read the last chapters of the third books and then started on the second books. Turns out this was a good move. I then had to read books 1-3 in order for complete closure. Weird yes, but it works for me.

I watched Catching Fire, had to come home and read MJ. Then 1-3 again.  Same things with the movies. See the latest, watch it and then need to read all the movies and those still in book form  again. Yeah it’s crazy. I know and yes it’s OCD no doubt.

Tonight I saw a The Mockingjay Pt1 (I agree this needed to be made into 2 movies, the last book is jam-packed) and segmented up you got a better understanding from the first half of the book than if they had thrown it all at you at once. And I’m sure there is the fact they make a killing out of the second instalment.

Harry Potter is a good example of this, one final movie would have been fine. Maybe Twilight too? I l’ve tried to block that trauma out. I saw the first movie, then HAD to read the books (bloody terrible… I hare it on par with The Notebook and for those of you who know me know I LOATHE it and anything Nicholas Spark or it Sparks? No matter, I don’t care enough to find out) and of course had to see the rest of the movies .Big point here is at NO point did I feel compelled to reread any of the teenage angst love drama again or rewatched it.. Ever. I’m hoping all erased from my memory forever. I must add here the next person who tells me I look like Kristen Stewart will DIE. For real. Dear god I don’t and while yes we both have resting bitch face syndrome, she’s fucking ugly and super untalented at anything but home wrecking.

But I digress, as usual. Now I’ve seen MJ part 1 I HAVE to immediately reread the end of the book for closure. Yes I’ve read it at least three times before and I know the ending  but the can of needing closure was reopened again. This also means I’ll then need to go back and reread all 3 books again when I’m done. Yes it’s exhausting and the same will happen went the next Divergent book comes out. (Though this might fall into twilight teritory cause Theo James IS the reason for watching the movies…. The storyline is meh and predictable)

It also means when the movie is released on wherever you buy movies from, I’ll watch it again and then have to repeat the new movie and then the first, second and third again…. The process will be the same after part 2…. Though the books I’ll read in order, the movies 4, 1, 2, 3 and then 4 again. Because I’ll need CLOSURE. It might seem strange since the last movie is closure but it’s only half closure, the other half was in MJ1.

So yeah that’s today’s issue. I get it’s a first world me issue but it’s exhausting. It’s midnight and I have half a book to read before I can go to sleep. I won’t be able to sleep without closure. I’m going to be one tired Mummy tomorrow but at least I’ll have closure and won’t be all types of itchy.

So I bid you goodnight and hope you get more sleep than I do!

Oh and obviously spelling, grammar and proofreading are not on my conouksions list, sorry folks!

When The Demon's Visit


Ok, hold up before you think I’ve lost my marbles or I’ve finally got what’s coming to me, I’m actually not really being visited by demon’s. This may be in fact because I’M actually a demon or even they are too scared to piss me off. Really, either option could be true. Take your pick dear reader.

I’m actually talking about sleep paralysis. Yep it’s actualky just as much fun as it sounds. The conspiracy theorists will have you believe it really is demonic possession but in that case it could be said demon’s are with me 24/7, so we’d be classed as friends.

Here is a nice little link that explains it and then the more colourful wiki link that’s just so darn entertaining I couldn’t leave it out.


So I’ve suffered from it my entire life, as long as I can remember. So typically 4-5 times a week and 6 or so bouts at a time. No wonder I’m so blasted tried all the time. I get both types but mainly the waking type. I have to admit the going to sleep type was a whole lot more entertaining. Hallucinations, colourful swirls, shaking room, voices (though I hear voices normally,  some people may suggest it’s my conscience, I just call it a massive pain in the ass that needs to learn to shut the hell up cause I’m rarely listening)

I no longer freak out cause basically I’m conscious while my body chemistry try’s to catch up out of REM and I possess a very analytical mind that I’ve trained to recognise this. So I just go with the flow, so to speak. My options are fight it by trying to move a finger or a toe and then as soon as I’m “awake” I slide right back into it or just say fuck it and allow my brain to have some fun with it. Option number 1 isn’t really an option now cause my brain has a work around, I dream I’m moving the finger or toe and frankly if it does work I just slide right back into it as soon as I can move . It’s frustrating and annoying.

This diagram explains the sleep cycle:


So I let the  demon’s  take over. Hell they might have some wisdom to impart or I can mess with them. Yes I taunt my conscious brain while I’m asleep. The fucker should know better. Plus half the time I’m in control. Ever wanted to say punch your husband in the face but bit actually do it, but get to live it out? My  demon’s  can do that for me and it seems as real as can be, but it’s not . See they really ARE my friends. It’s actually oddly satisfying!

I do get visits from dead relatives in my sleep, those are real (Mr BMB has seen me sitting up having a good old natter with my Nan on several occasions.) He was weirded out to start with but just lets us get along with it now. These visits area real and she’s just  passing need to know information to me (hell she told me I was pregnant with a boy before I knew I was even pregnant. Correct on both counts) or just catching up. I have no doubt they are real. I had a death experience when I as 7, I clinically died so ive had a glimpse at the afterlife. The bright light stuff? Bullshit. But again that’s another post.

The horrible thing about SP, other than just getting it which only irks me not scares me, is it’s got a genetic component and Master 6 has just started having it. Fortunately like me he is analytical too and will master it in years to come but the bitch thing is he’s too young to do that yet. It took me 27 (yeah I’m going with I’m 27) years to pretty much master it. So now he sleeps with every light on. That’s 6 in total in his room. It’s expensive electricity wise and his carbon footprint is huge but that comes second to a hysterical child!

So there you have it reader, I bet you learned something today and if not you are likely a sufferer too. You also learned my brain is even more evil than you thought. Didn’t think it was possible did you?

I should add in here I have only one other sleep disorder, insomnia and not narcolepsy which it has a high correlation with.

So I just want to say a giant thanks for nothing Mum who passed this on to me. Oh yeah and I tell Master 6 it’s your fault too.


The Fat Duck Melbourne

This was posted earlier today on www.garethedwards.com (no not the Godzilla and Star Wars)


I mean, Fat Duckrant.

I’m angry, dear reader.

Nope, I’m beyond angry. I’m furious.

I haven’t been this enraged since “Firefly” was axed. *mutters* Fucking Fox Network suits.

Why am I furious?

I didn’t win the ballot to secure a reservation at the “The Fat Duck” pop-up restaurant in Melbourne in 2015. I had over 20 entries into the ballot via family/friends/employees.


I feel like saying, “But, do you know who I am?!”

(Sorry, I have to run off on a small tangent, because that “Do you know who I am?” remark reminded of the brilliant Eddie Izzard “Death Star Canteen” piece that was recreated using Lego characters. I could watch this over and over for hours. I won’t. But I could, if I wanted to…)

But Gaz, I still don’t understand why are you so upset?

I know Heston. I love his work. We’ve gone to some of the same events together (see section 9 here: http://garethedwards.com/2014/08/07/10-reasons-this-planet-is-fucking-awesome/). I’ve dined at The Fat Duck in Berkshire, UK on several occasions, and I was excited to see the new creations he would be introducing in Melbourne.


Now in fairness, I know Heston didn’t personally review all 89,000 booking requests as part of the ballot. If he had, I’d be on the fucking list.

And I realise it was an automated ballot system. But that doesn’t make me any happier. I want my fucking Golden Ticket(s), Wonka!

So where to from here?

Hunger strike? Fuck no. A hunger strike to get a reservation at a restaurant is like fucking for virginity, or fighting for peace.

Now my only option is to secure a place on the “Waiting List”. The fucking waiting list. Is there anything worse? Fine, I know you’re going to say “What about the Holocaust”? Well this is a close second.

Failing that, I need to find out which one of my dear acquaintances did chance upon a reservation in the ballot and politely grovel for a seat at their booking. Anyone who knows me, knows how much I hate the notion of even contemplating that.

I hate owing people. *shudders at the thought*


I have to say I completely agree. Though I’m even more pissed than he is. MY rejection email came 48 hours later than anyone else’s. So of course by this stage I’m expecting “the call” and thinking I’ve scored 4 converted reservations at the Chef’s table. Cause hell I wasn’t rejected. Then it arrives. Massive epic fucking tilt. I’d already planned who was coming (Gareth was to have 3 reservations and I’d join him and his posse). The company is just as good as the meal. No owing for this, Gareth I gladly hand over 3 reservations under the mutual friendship and respect banner no owing. It’s how I roll. I’m pissed I’ve let him down, which is fucked up cause I didn’t!

I’m willing to bet some fucktard “celebrity” begged for my seats, called in favours and got MY reservation. And HB SHOULD know who the fuck I am.

What pisses me off even further at near $800ph without drinks the “average” person can’t afford this and the cancellation list is going to be long. Yes I’m on standby and Gareth better be able to get here in 24 hours. I have no doubt he can manage this. What also pisses me off no end is you will have a room full of foodie plebs who won’t understand let alone appreciate the experience and will find themselves stopping at McDonald’s on the way home cause they didn’t “get” the menu. Cunts.

Then there is the dining experience that I KNOW the room Is full of plebs and they won’t get it and that’s enough to make me reach for the Xanax, a good bottle of Grange and drown my sorrows. The heart burn from eating in their company alone gives me rage issues, epic tilt and what I’m hoping is angina and not a full-blown psychotic break. Time will tell.

So I’ve been fobbed off for a random celeb and if I find out its Laura Bingle or Sam Worthington or the the likes of them  I will fucking lose my shit totally. From sociopathic to psychopathic in s split second. Cause she’s s home wrecking slut and he was in fucking Avatar. Enough said.

I hear a rumour that GE will pay $1000 per seat, just for the seat, at the chefs table. All 4 seats at that cost. Anyone out there listening?

Personally I want to know why my rejection letter came in 48 hours late. It’s “suspicious and I will be asking. I’ve been cast aside, so random ballot my ass.

Stay tuned!


Question And Answer Time.

Ok so here some  responses to my post yesterday. Let’s break it down… Just for kicks. Your replies and my answers.

It’s really all a mute point, the law isn’t going to ” jump-start ” a new generation of pot users, it’s simply going to allow us to cash in on what’s already happening.

I assume you mean moot? Though that’s an arguable point, in its strictest meaning. Hence the term “moot court”. Though it has been bastardized to the point of meaning nothing to argue. It however is never a mute point. Mute means silent.

Also a new generation of pot users? Sure it is, it’s legal now. So people are going to try it. Every generation that’s exposed to it is a potential new generation of users. My nose is bleeding.

Ahh cash in. Money talks and bullshit walks. I see. Let’s not forget the costs it will have later down the track. Medical, social, educational, mental health, police enforcement. Money in the coffers now is important right? It’s not like Americans are afraid of debt is it? Can I see the cost analysis please? Did anyone ask to see that before they voted?

Which makes me wonder since voting isn’t compulsory did ONLY users vote to get this law passed?

Do you guys remember having your parents check your Halloween candy before allowing you to eat it, I thought so , well proof positive that candy laced with drugs is defiantly NOT a new concept. This only gives the anti pot users something else to complain about.

Umm no. But we didn’t live in a drug addled community and taking candy from strangers was discouraged. Things were only ever given out in sealed individual bite size packs. It speaks volumes when this actually did have to happen. Magic Mushroom tarts anyone? But since it’s not a new concept don’t be alarmed!

The ” published” literature I’ve read documents finding THC residue in ancient artifacts dating as far back as the age of the pyramids.

Please provide APA style reference. Author, year, which journal it was published in , page and doi. Thanks. I assume this is peer-reviewed but the “literature” part makes me question it.

What do we all think they were smoking in the PEACE pipes around the camp fire back when cowboys and Indians were a thing, they didn’t call it …mind altering, psychosis, pass the gateway pipe. LMAO.

They also had opium dens, took peyote and licked poisonous toads for the psychedelic properties. I’m not sure what they called it, but I’d call it stupid. So would the rest of civilized society, that’s why they outlawed it. They also had vomitorium’s and men could talks small boy lovers before they married. They also didn’t call cancer cancer or have the scientific knowledge we have to know on how bad this shit is for you. Ignorance is bliss. Or just plain ignorant at times. Pass me the opium pipe like the Native Americans did it. They also traded Alaska for beads.

Just another subject to get people debating shit on FB. I say everyone needs to chill and hug your children ( or pets) tight because there’s a hell of a lot more dangerous stuff out in the world that they will encounter then a little herb. 

Firstly holy hippy shit batman, the 1960’s called and wants it pot head lingo back. Herb? It’s a plant in its normal state, herb debatable when dried but he’ll that sound innocuous like thyme so let’s go with that.

Can I hug a tree too instead?

Secondly yes there are bigger problems. Failing health care, failing mental heath care, failing social care, mass shooting, increased suicide, poverty, children living in squalor (oh thoughts due to drug use mainly oops), Too low minimum wage ect. But you’re right adding to those isn’t of any consequence when you look at things like terrorism. Let’s remove them from the agenda completely. Consider them gone….. Well till they bite you in the ass later.

Oh and of course the passed the law so we could debate on FB. It’s not like it’s real or anything…. Hang on it is. So are the consequences.

 I’ve never in my almost 20 years of smoking, encountered one single person who laced their weed with another drug. Then again, I’ve never associated with real drug users.

20 years? I’m pretty sure that leaves you open to gaping holes in memory and using pot for 20 years doesn’t make you an associate of real drug users, it makes YOU one. The people around you are your associates.
I had started smoking recreationally, but later got a medical license when I had kids because that was when I needed the protection of the law.

So you smoke recreationally, not for medical reasons but use the medical excuse as a way to get around the law and keep your kids? Speechless. Stellar patenting and abuse of the legal system. 5 gold stars. CPS anyone?

They will still prosecute people growing in excess, but it would be like the medical program where they rely on tips from the public for illegal grows, as opposed to actively searching them out. They never come do random checks on the medical growers for compliance. They only audit the dispensaries.

Oh no they will be hot on the heels of illegal growers cause if one thing is certain it’s the IRS doesn’t like missing out on money it’s owed. Plus the illegal trade will go up because they are going to tax the crap out of the legal stuff. Who’s going to pay 3x the cost for legal stuff when they can get illegal for 1/3 of the price? It’s not like it has a “grown in x plantation” sticker on it. So police will have no idea what’s legal and what’s not, unless they start testing the actual types of marijuana for origin. More cost.

Everyone also knows to keep their edibles away from kids, same as you would medication and alcohol.(and pets) edibles aren’t a new thing, they are already in a lot of people’s house.

We must mix in totally different circles. Mine being not drug related.

I think a large portion of people already smoke weed, but would you consider smoking now that it’s legal? Would many of your friends? That’s the answer.

No that’s a question. There is no answer there. The answer is YES! Though since laws are supposed to act as deterrents and it’s addictive, I’m willing to bet some people who never tried it before or did it irregularly due to fear of being caught stopped them will try it or start again.

I’m not saying pothead’s are perfect or anything, but every issue discussed here is barely applicable as people have already been smoking weed, it’s not going to create this whole mess of new people smoking, you either liked it when you tried it and kept doing it, or you didn’t.

I’m actually not sure what you’re saying that’s different fromabove. See previous comment. I think it will create a whoke new mess of users and then heavier drug users. Though perhaps prescription rates of painkillers and benzodiazepine’s will go down. They need to but not through unregulated self medicating.

By decriminalizing it, we reap the benefits of tax income and stop prosecuting people caught with a small amount, which btw the court system seems to prosecute more minority’s even though rates of use across all races are about the same.

Money, money, money. Of course you’re a capitalist society. Fuck socialism and social reform right?

Assuming it’s all bought legally and the tax covers all the ancillary costs. Like future medical conditions, mental health conditions ect. Now you’ll be prosecuting intoxicated drivers, intoxicated persons in public, people carrying too much, people growing illegally. I haven’t exhausted the list I’m sure.

And the race card? Oh you didn’t even go there. That’s the same across all crimes not just drug crimes. Though I’m sure you mean they prosecute at the same levels but sentencing is different. That’s a judicial issue. But we aren’t looking at those, as state above, as they aren’t big enough to look at, we have bigger issues.

Oh and a big FYI there are synthetic forms of THC used for medical purposes, that take 30 minutes to kick in rather than the 5 with smoking. So really this law has nothing to do with medical marijuana (the synthetic stuff is way more effective than smoking and cleaner) it’s all about recreational use.

Like it or not pot IS a gateway drug. Ask any hardcore user’s where they started and they will say with marijuana. So from that expect a rise in the use of other illegal mind altering illicit substance’s. More police to chase it down, enforce it, control gang wars, more highly populated prisons, more violent crimes and the list goes on and on. Yep, need to see that cost analysis cause I have a feeling whomever put this bill together, passed it and voted for it was high during all stages.

Anyone wanna add anything else? Please feel free to coment and I’ll reply with my usual level of disdain for stupid.

Screw It Let's Get High!


Since the USA has introduced the legalization of marijuana in a few states now, I feel its time for me to address this total clusterfuck of new laws. Seriously? Whomever wrote the bill, passed it or voted for it must be users because to the rest of educated society it’s a disgrace. Gay couples can’t get married but fuck yeah let’s all get high.

The facts are there are piles of peer-reviewed clinical published works that prove the use of MJ is NOT a good or harmless thing. Anyone who has seen a functional MRI of a chronic users brain will know it literally eats holes in it. They will also know that the prefrontal cortex isn’t fully developed till 25, so making it legal at 21 is only to fit in with states drinking laws. The fun doesn’t stop there as the brain is constantly pruning your entire life and neural pathways forming and making new ones. MJ changes this process, due to its intoxicating effects and altering of brain chemicals. Much the same as alcohol.

So now we have a drug that’s legal akin to alcohol, which of course has been legal forever except during times of contraband. So yes they are comparable, except one has been legal, despite all the negative health outcomes and the other hasn’t. Does society ever learn? Just because it’s legal doesn’t make it safe or innocuous. So comparing the two is similar on effect level but not on a legal level. There is NO WAY a population would vote for delegalizing alcohol, regardless of its negative effects. But we should learn from this example.

There is overwhelming evidence, peer-reviewed, that conclusively proves MJ causes mental health issues. Which is a domain that the U.S. struggle with already. It also causes numerous health issues, again another area the US struggles with. So we’ve just added to that burden.

It causes anxiety, depression, psychotic breaks to mention just a few. There is some evidence to suggest that psychotic breaks only happen in people with a predisposition to it. But you have to wonder, who knows they have that till it happens? It’s a recessive thing, so you could go generations who carry the genetic weakness and not have it manifest till both parents pass on that gene. Who’s up for a game of mental health Russian roulette?

I agree MJ is just as bad as alcohol, no debating that. Though we’ve just established that will never be criminalized. So it’s really an argument that has no legs. Just cause it’s legal, doesn’t make it any less harmful. It just means as a society we are more willing to accept these dangers and let’s face it we live in a drinking culture.

There is also the argument that prescription drugs can be just as bad. Agreed. But they are regulated and prescribed for a medical reason. Getting high isn’t a reason that will get you a prescription. Plus the rates of hardcore painkillers and benzodiazepines prescription in the US are more than in any other developed country. That needs to be addressed also. But it’s not cause it’s easier to throw pills at people and cheaper than treating them and therapy. It’s also the reason you have so many strung out individuals in society. The over prescription issue is a huge one but one that won’t be addressed unless the U.S. health system gets a total overhaul or becomes better regulated. Here, you want Xanax? Never going to happen! Valium or any other benzodiazepine your doctor needs to be able to prove to our governing bodies they are not over prescribing and meeting their duty of care to their patients.

Ok so it’s legal and they are going to tax the crap out of it. Well that sure as shit won’t stop the illegal drug trade. Actually it’s likely to have the reverse effect. Who’s going to pay premium taxed price when you can get it illegally cheaper? Never pay full retail remember. Plus we are making the massive assumption that people want to smoke pure weed, homegrown. Not the supercharged stuff or laced with other drugs. Most people who smoke week want the most potent form and laced, more bang for their buck. Legalizing homegrown pot won’t stop that. It actually might enhance the trade of other drugs, so they can lace their own. Problem right there!

That then brings me to associated cost that legalization will provide. Not now, now they are gaining money. But when the laws have been in place a few years to decades the health and mental health industries are going to feel it. Not to mention the fact the effect second and third hand smoke will have on children and non users. Will the tax revenue cover that? Will it cover policing intoxicated driving? Enforcing not being intoxicated in public? The fact children will have easier access to it if it’s in their homes? We are potentially creating a while generation of addicts. THC is addictive both psychologically and physically. So it might be a bit of a leap but a generation with easy access to a drug that makes you lazy and unfocused? Well you can kiss goodbye to an educated society because they won’t be motivated enough to become educated. They will be sitting at home all day watching TV, giggling and eating cookies. Maybe those MBA’s WILL be worth more than the paper they are written on some day. I NEVER thought I’d say that!

That’s not saying all smokers won’t achieve (there are always exceptions), that’s to blanket. My question is will they achieve to the same level? Again you can’t quantify because what’s unaffected potential measured v affected potential when you can’t have individualized baseline unaffected data. It’s impossible to measure but obviously since it affects memory (says the peer-reviewed studies) it becomes a matter of how much an effect it might have/had. We will never know. What we do know is you won’t real FULL potential, even if you gain an education. But he’ll if you’re happy with “as best as I could do given the circumstances” then go for it. But it’s NOT the same as the best you could have done. Simple. Same as if you go out drinking regularly, you can still pass all your classes but your grade will be affected. Nature if the beast. Not only cause it addled the brain but because it cuts into study time, attention span and recollection of what you’ve learned. Each to their own.

I wonder how many users pursue post-graduate studies? Or more than a diploma or bachelors degree? I think you’d find nowhere near as many as who didn’t smoke both due to motivation and grades that don’t reflect true potential.

Then you could argue usage won’t go up. Sure it will, it’s now legal. Current users will use more and people who have never used in the past will try it out. Laws act as to both punish and deter. Gone. So yes usage will go up.

Another point is how will companies drug screen employees? THC stays in your system for literally months. So they won’t be able to tell really if you used today or 3 months ago. Well unless they develop a measure to determine how much of the chemical is present in the body. Though since we all have varying metabolisms, that will be problematic alone.

My next thought then goes to children of users. Here if you fail a drug test pregnant at term, the baby is taken from you and so are the rest of your kids. A high parent isn’t a responsible one. Plus not to mention the effects it might have in a developing baby. Since we have no way of measuring future potential without drug exposure v with drug exposure it’s a question that has no answer. All we can do is look at what it does to an adult brain and make an educated guess. My educated guess is you are altering potential and harming the baby’s brain, just like the user is theirs. It’s not a real leap that one. Same with alcohol, though fetal alcohol syndrome is something we can identify. Smoking when pregnant causes rates of childhood cancer to increase 500 fold. So again my leap is it will have negative effects on a developing brain, again not a large one. Plus when the baby is born it will go through withdrawal, which can be fatal.

Another argument is MJ cannot be OD’ed on. True. So statistically it can be skewed that MJ isn’t deadly like cocaine or heavier  drugs. It causes ZERO deaths. Well that’s directly. What about indirectly? From accidents, from health related issues, to mental health related issues to neglectful parenting. Sure you can’t OD but you cannot say it causes ZERO deaths when it can have a large part to play indirectly through use, it just won’t kill you by using it directly.

Dont get me wrong for medical purposes it can be a wonderful thing. From chronic pain, to inducing appetite in patients undergoing treatment and palliative care. Just like morphine or any other drug used for any of these purposes. The point again is that it’s a legitimate need, you’re not getting high and you have a good medical reason for using it. Not a recreational one.

So that’s my thoughts in the matter. You might disagree and I’d assume you’re a smoker of it anyway or use Dr Google to look up “facts”…. See what that’s done for immunizations and childhood diseases. (The evidence of the non vax movement is horrifying). Look at proper peer-reviewed, clinical trials, studies with sound methodology and scientific merit and then see what door has just been opened. But for the love of God don’t just google cause anyone can put anything on the Internet, regardless of scientific merit.

Fuck, they let me publish stuff on the Internet. Enough said!

I recommend neurobiological journals, neuroscience journals, psychology journals, abnormal psychology journal and anything related to that to see my point.

Yeah I'm Judging The Hell Out Of You!


You know some things are minor seeming things, on deeper inspection not so much, but they really piss me off! They don’t need to be anything special or they might be innocuous or seemingly so.

This pet peeve fits the latter category. Those women who feel the need to wear gym attire EVERYWHERE. Like seriously? Did the fashion gods die and leave you unattended? Or you just stopped caring? You think it makes you look cute? (cute and lazy are not interchangeable) Fit? Healthy? Or, I just dunno, I’m stuck on lazy.

Gym attire is FOR the gym. So if you’re wearing it I assume you’re going TO the gym or have come from the gym. The latter is gross. They have showers and changing facilities for s reason. No one wants to be subjected to your post workout stank. NO ONE and how you can walk around and let’s face it it’s more like a strut in your sweat covered, stinky and actually bacteria breeding ground of clothing longer than is absolutely necessary is beyond me. Are you trying to start a plague of super gym related bacteria or fungus? Vaginal mushrooms the new in thing? Ack. My OCD just went into overdrive and not even a bleach bath will fix it. Not even a dozen. It’s all types of fucking gross! Get it together and find personal hygiene, cause you two need to set up a meeting ASAP. Before you start another plague! Please I beg you and so do the rest of the population.


If you are going TO the gym, same principle applies. Change rooms. Conveniently you will also have something clean to change into post workout, after a shower. See how that works? Poetic really! Plus let’s face it if you have the spare time to go to the gym frequently, you can spare 5-10 minutes to put on proper clothes and shower. Hell you might not even have to shower that night if you time things right. You might be time-saving! You’re welcome.


Yeah I hear you all saying “but it’s comfortable” but so are harem pants and a tank, a cute playsuit or even shorts and a tank. In winter jeans and a sweater (not sweat pants, they are for at home only)…. That argument has as many holes in the bucket as the song. So my advice is “fix it dear gym bunny, fix that hole”.

So some of you might be rolling your eyes thinking I’m vain. No not really at all. I’m all about looking decent  (at worst) and good when I need too. I’m not suggesting full makeup (or ever really, I might put on the basics maybe once a week or properly if I’m going out or have a work meeting). A tinted moisturizer, bit of cream blush/eyeshadow/lip combo and MAYBE some mascara and I’m good to go, on a dressed up a bit day. Normally sans makeup, just sunscreen. I’m not suggesting blown out hair, straightened and I use far too much dry shampoo but everyone can rock a ponytail, easily. See it’s simple.

Then I wonder as a Mum, a wife, a housekeeper and student WHO the fuck has the time to go to the gym several times a week? Like chasing toddlers isn’t enough exercise! You try lifting 18kg of pure muscle dozens of times a day! Add in a 11kg baby and a 17kg and 21kg kid. Weights be damned. Squatting to pick up kids, to clean up mess, to tidy ect. Then there is the chasing…. God I get 5 hours workout a day at HOME!

I’d rather spent that time WITH my kids, planning stuff for them, looking after the household chores (ok not rather spending time but it has to be done) with MrBmB and yeah yeah working. No way I have 7-10 hours a week to fit into going to the gym (travel time, exercise, showering ect.) I’m just FAR too busy and my top priority are my family, not my body.

Health sure, I’m diabetic so that’s a must and after 4 kids I’m at my pre pregnancy weight (don’t hate me I have a hard assed endocrinologist who threatened me with lack of kidney function, loss of eye sight, loss of limbs and death…. I’m not sure if he meant from the diabetes or him but you don’t fuck with this endocrinologist he’s as tough as nails, blunt and I have to say I love him lol).

I didn’t document my weight loss cause frankly that’s all types of narcissistic even for me (yeah woah right but I have self-esteem) and the answer “I did it cause I didn’t want to die” gets mixed results. I have metabolic syndrome also (thyroid fine so it gets zero credit). I’m happy to talk about it. It’s really easy, remembering I have 3 spinal fractures so exercise was out. Calories in less than calories expended. No secret. Low GI carbs, not no carbs(hello kidney failure), eat low-fat and take good quality vitamins (Xanax is a vitamin right? It’s a joke people) and no special wonderful diet that’s all kinds of weird, crazy and frankly a fad. I lost 70lbs in 9 months, doing these simple things. No diet pills, no shakes just plain fucking common sense. Spent ZERO time at the gym and taught my kids healthy eating habit. My diabetes is in the non medicated range due to it. (for the time being, it’s autoimmune, so we shall meet again no doubt)


But I digress. Gym wear is gym wear not everyday attire. It never will be and when I see you at drop off/pick up I sure as shit judge the fuck out of you. You can take your kids for bike rides, walks, play in the park, play tag, soccer ect for exercise. Plus all the aforementioned exercise you get just being a parent. You don’t need a fucking gym as a parent . I see it as self-absorbed, narcissistic (and coming from me that’s huge) and vanity and insecurity all mixed into one low self-esteem bundle.

I will add here some women need the kickstart and I don’t begrudge them that. But the ones I know are doing it for their health and not vanity. Back to gastric bypass territory here. You know who you are. I also have no issue with parents exercising at home when kids are napping. You’re still parenting at the same time and not fucked then off for “me” time.

I had a mother of a friend of Master 6’s say she’d never have another baby (they have an only child) cause it changed her body too much. She’s a massive gym bunny. Well fuck me, creating a life of course comes second to skinny jeans. Seriously it took all my willpower not to cut her on the spot. I’m sure she’s an awesome parent too. Actually not, Dad takes the child to birthday parties while Mum goes to the gym.

All I have to say is I hope it’s all worth it, skinny jeans, lack of memories and teaching your children size is everything. When they develop an eating disorder or and obsessive exercise disorder be sure to blame society and not the example you have set. Cunts. Hope it keeps you warm at night and those final moments on earth aren’t these ones I’m telling you you’re going to regret.


For the record I’m not anti healthy at all. I’m as healthy as they come. I’m anti putting your kids in care, leaving them with random relatives, spending large parts of most days in the gym and basically being a total asswipe parent. I even judge Mum’s who leave kids with Dad on weekends so they can have “bonding time with Dad” and they go to the gym. Fucking lame excuse. That’s family time. Hell I won’t even exercise in our HOME gym when the kids are in bed cause I actually like spending time with my husband and without kids that’s few and far between as it is.

So in summary, have a meeting with personal hygiene, get your priorities straight and stop being a douche parent. If I hear “but having ME time makes me a better parent”, yes I will agree. But “ME” time doesn’t equal a full waking day (in hours a week) at the gym and for Christ sakes just have a relaxing bath or go shopping for a few hours or a massage.

You don’t even have to buy anything shopping, just relax kid free. But posting all your fitness, weight loss and other associated diet crap for the rest of us to see? Vanity. Pride and Envy are mortal sins, even I know that and I’m not religious. You might get sycophant pats on the back but for every 1 of those 100 of us are thinking just what I said and rolling our eyes. You might have better self-esteem (it’s not real by the way cause its based on others opinions, psychological fact) but credibility, none. Ouch!

You’re a parent, time to grow up and stop acting like an insecure teenager. Or those of you who will for sure write in and call me jealous I’m a US size 4, have an epic rack and am a 9 on a bad day. I’m not in the least jealous. I’m just honest!


I Hate Suprises


You know when you get to that’s in life where you think you *might* just have it all together? Yeah no not me really either, but I was so bloody close I could taste it. Plans laid out, visions of where the future was headed and all that jazz. Then Bam! All it takes is one slit second, bot even a bad decision and it all changes in a heartbeat. At this point it’s a hypothetical change, nothing set in stone but it’s looming on the horizon and contingency plans B through X didn’t cover this. Totally blindsided. Well welcome to my last 24 hours. It’s been a turbulent ride and at this point I’m not sure which way is up, though that might be the pharmacy of Valium and Xanax I’ve consumed talking. Ground down, I’ve got that much in perspective at least. Time and the waiting game. I’m not a patient person, especially when I’m not in total control of the situation. Even more neurotic when I have no fucking control.

Now before anyone goes freaking out everyone is in perfect health, nothing doom and gloom looming, just perhaps some unexpected change. Did I ever mention I hate surprises? I do, with a passion. So fuck this.



On a more cheerful bite the latest member of our fur family came to join us on Friday. Bosco/Loki depending on who you ask is settling in like a champ. Elliot The Wonder Cat has turned into all sorts of Grumpy Cat but is coming around.

Turns out this little ball of fluff likes to play. So he’s winning points with her. We’ve gone from growling and hissing from 20 feet to mammoth chase each other around sprees until someone is exhausted. That someone being Elliot mainly! At 5 months she just can’t keep up with her 11 week counterpart. It’s been an interesting ride but they seem to have made friends and that’s all you can hope for in 48 hours, right? The pitter patter of eight teeny cat feet as they race through the bedroom night as we’ll be baby elephants. They don’t play quietly at all.


They have distinctive personalities. Elliot is Alpha female and doesn’t like to be challenged. Bosco is a total fearless adventurer that doesn’t seem to know boundaries. It’s been an interesting mix. Elliot is very independent and Bosco is a total snuggle bunny. That said they both run the house in their own separate ways. So far they agree, though the day they disagree, well I hate to think what will happen. Let’s cross that bridge when we come to it eh?


So that’s the weekend update. Enjoy the rest of yours!