Insomnia.
Have have to say it you’re a bitch! I’m sure you’re female, cause really no man on th face of this planet would go to so many lengths to torment someone. Ok, maybe they would, but I’m going on a hunch here. There is nothing like being the only one awake into the wee hours of the morning and having none around. At first this was a novelty and I really relished my “spare time”, but now I’m working I have a bit more of that (i.e. kid and husband free time, not that I don’t adore spending time with them). But then add in 4-6 hours at night, in the dead of night, with nothing but random thoughts that fly through my brain at warp speed, it becomes a bit of a crazy and dare I say it lonely place. I really could try to keep all my thoughts written down but guaranteed in my type of shorthand, in the morning they would make little to no sense. Add that in to the 3 hours of sleep I’m averaging a night and it’s just enough to send me that more around the bend and produce another sleepless night.
I honestly wish it would piss right off. I’ve tried cutting out coffee, much to the horror of all those around me,m not to do too much stimulating stuff (get your mind out of the gutters you pervs) and relax before bed and NONE of it is soaking in. I’m trained in this field and I know ALL the tricks, but I swear my brain like to fuck with me just or fun. Almost ALL of my best ideas come to me as I’m drifting off to sleep and I have to get up and write them then and there or they are lost forever. Of course being a verbose writer, this takes a lot of time because while I’m a bit lax with the spelling and grammar, I’m really into detail when it comes to planning. I write it so a 5-year-old can understand it. Cause lets face it at 3 am I have the mental capacities to write with a 5-year-old and my sleep deprived brain thanks for me it in the morning. Hell I’ve been known to have entire text conversations at 3am and not remember a damn word of what I’ve said, though they do seem to make sense. I think I wrote a manifesto once… I’ll need to look that up. God know what it was about. This time last night I was renegotiating my phone contract. Yay for 24 hour call centers.
I’ve had people say “why don’t you go to a sleep laboratory” and the answer to that question is fucking simple, I don’t have a sleeping issue, I have a brin turning off issue. I think if it ever went quiet, my only thought would be “Am I dead or dying”…. Because I really can’t reiterate the speed at which thoughts come into my brain and even get them on to paper in a cohesive a readable manner. You should try listening to me in person!
There are random linkages to the thoughts, I know this, but unless you were to delve into the recesses of my brain, which I don’t recommend, it makes jack all sense as far as logic goes to anyone else.
So here I am stint up at near 1am bitching about not being able to sleep, again, third night in a row. You lucky bastards get to listen… Ok now to something a bit more productive internet shopping. At least its a way to pass the time and what can MrBmB do? At lest I’m not hassling him from the light on my phone while he is trying to sleep. Its funny 4 kids, 1 husband, a cat and this place feels empty…. or boring, which ae interchangeable terms in my life.
I have a few, no related to any post revenge plans to cook up, so that should keep me busy for a while. After the shopping!
May the Sandman find the way to your house, cause he sure as shit can’t find me!! Point him in my direction, pretty please and thank you!
