Yeah I KNOW it's an Apple Watch not an iWatch. I'm just pissing on it.

You know what I love about the Internet and I’m pretty sure that I’ve mentioned this before. You know the love part I tongue in cheek right? Well actually I love it about the Internet but really I really hate about people who use the Internet? Are people who use it as a personal tool to attack someone else’s opinion but do it in such a vague manner that they are having a personal go at something I have written, but do it in such a broad way that they never even mention you personally. Then the serial “must get a shot in guy just has to add in”…. You’re a cute couple. Hey, if you’re going to tell me I’m dumb or stupid, you could at lest use my name or reply on BmB, Vaguebooking is for sissy’s. Seriously I can handle it, or are you afraid of lil’ old me? You really fucking should be, so maybe you;re smart. I really hate being referred to as “people with x opinion”. Because let’s face in the last 12 hours before you posted you’re piss poor rant on MY rant, how many other opinion pieces did you actually read on it? Not many I’m sure, since mine are pretty specific and the timing is more than auspicious. But hey, I just released that means you’re reading, which is something you swore you didn’t do or weren’t interested in… Seems you’re a liar liar pants on fire.

liar pants on fire

I wasn’t the only person yesterday to bash what is the “innovation” of the iWatch. Let’s face it, It’s less innovation and more imitation. Pebble anyone? Which was pointed as close to being as geek porn than I would like to admit I’ve ever trodden in. Smart watch? NOOOOOO! Diamond watches, YES!. See the assumption here is that 1. I have NEVER even tried, no I haven’t been dumb enough to purchase a “smart watch” and that the entire point of my post was lost. 2.That an iWatch is NOT innovation, it REALLY is replication of a device that already exists and not a very good example of an innovative approach on an old concept. So you can forgive me for being a little disappointed at both it’s functionality and it’s looks. Yes, I like pretty things and things that don’t look like I’ve strapped an iPod Nano to my wrist, so fucking sue me! I also think a phone, an app and a well place pedometer can do exactly the same thing. Let’s fee a fucking phone watch (independent of each other), or a phone shoe or something that isn’t a total rip. I wonder if Pebble with take Apple on? Fuck I hope so.

apple watch

The you have the new Apple pay system. I honestly haven’t bothered to try to work out the logistics of this just yet. I read about it, didn’t give a shit and all I though was, meh I’m not giving my finger prints to anyone, I don’t care how “secure” it’s supposed to be. I think we have learned a very important lesson in the past little while that NO matter how safe they tell us, our personal data is, it all needs to be collected and stored and if you get the right hacker, no matter where all the different pieces that are kept, how encrypted it is, someone somewhere will work it all out and fuck us up the ass. I even have issues with just pins for credit cards now, a pin is easy to memorise, a signature takes far more dedication. If they are going to steal from you at least make them work for it. I know I’m over simplifying the whole finger print, vein scan ect technology, but I like to keep it simple, you know why? Because keeping it simple means I’m thinking of all the ways it COULD go wrong, regardless of all the security measures put in place. To me while simple that’s SMART!

apple innovation

Let’s take a look back over Apple’s glorious history and you might understand my disappointment in this latest keynote. This is the company that turned the coloured Mac computer than NOONE wanted, into a device that everyone HAD to have. They pretty much invented, or at lest took over the world with their iPods classic, way back when dinosaurs roamed the earth. They then went on to improve them, colour them, add in touch screen functionality. That was innovative and put them ahead of the pack. Then we had the iPhone, which really was the first of the REAL smart phones and started the whole smart phone era. Anyone who was anyone HAD to have an iPhone, they took on Blackberry and won in epic fashion. I think you find Blackberries in museums now. The we had iMacs, the first of a new generation of all in one computers. Basically it’s all behind you screen, your huge screen (ok LG went there first with their touch smart, but it was shit, so we can’t compare). Again innovation. The we come to the iPad, which I think can be arguably said to be the MOST innovative thing that Apple has EVER done. We went from having to have a laptop to a tablet that was touch screen. Sure it has it’s shortcomings (please dear god get flash capabilities). If you can find me FAMILY  in the country that doesn’t have at least one iPad I will donate a million dollars to charity. Let’s put a proviso on that, a family that has the disposable income to have an iPad, those have the ability to buy one or at least don’t have kids that use them at school. They are EVERYWHERE and I would bet ALL the money that I own that every child has played on one at least once, over the age of 1. THAT is innovation and changing the market, inventing something new and it seems that we can’t live without. THAT”S who Apple is or WAS. Now? It’s sad.

Then we have Apple TV, which I can honestly say I know very little about. It’s not really up my alley not being American and not being a huge TV fan. I get the basic understanding of it and again it was innovative. Yes it was a rip off of a media PC but it also incorporated the ability to access the App store, to purchase music, movies and whatever else your heart desired. So it was innovative. More expensive than torrenting, for sure, but also legal. So good!

Which brings me full circle to the iWatch. It is NOT innovative, it is NOT new and basically it’s a Apple device that has been ripped off from its competitors. So where is the innovation in that? Where is the Apple that we have come to know and love? They seem to have stepped back from doing anything really remarkable to copying their competition. The iPhone 6 Plus is to take on the Galaxy users (and when I say users I say that liberally because Samsung are cunts and whether their items actually work depends on the day), the iWatch is to take on competitors like Pebble and the iPhone 6 is just an upgrade of a preexisting product.

So Apple, I want to know, where has it all gone wrong? Why all this copycat behaviour? Why no more new ideas? You can’t tell me that Steve Jobs alone was responsible for ALL the ideas and they passed with him? Surely you have an innovation team or something? You should get one. You had a YEAR and this is what you give us? Don’t start me on the marketing again…. Fucking terrible.

So for all those people out there, who yesterday or today referred to me as stupid for disssing the iWatch, I ask you. Since you LOVE you’re Pebble So much, will you being an iWatch and if so why? Is it that much better than the Pebble? Is the functionality better? Is it because it has the Apple logo or is it just because you’re an Apple zealot that NEEDS to have all the ‘new” Apple products, because they are Apple? Regardless of the fact it really offers nothing new that it’s overpriced and it really is ugly? Not to mention it’s overpriced and doesn’t have diamonds? Who is REALLY the dumb one? The one who has an opinion on Apple’s flaws or the one who loves a PEBBLE enough to tell me I’m dumb for not recognising the brilliance in the copycat behaviour? Or really wanting or needing ANY type of smart watch? I have a watch, I have a phone, I have a pedometer. I have it covered…. So what’s the point of spending near $400 on a watch without diamonds?

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I’d also like to take the opportunity to mention here I am NOT the only one to slam the iWatch and Apple, yesterday. I was a theme for the day. It seems I’m not the only one that thinks they’ve wandered off the golden brick road and are heading down the drain now. Actually anyone I know who work  IN tech and/or advertising had the same thoughts. Let’s just say there were a lot of people who know their shit really well, that were on tilt over all of this. So I wasn’t the only dumb one and if I’m sitting with them in the ‘dumb’ category, it’s good company!

Oh and FYI I HAVE seen the iWatch in person and had a play. It’s nice to know important people who let me try their shit… Who think it’s shit also 🙂

At best the iWatch is a threat to low end watches. *sigh* . Apple since when did you aspire to be a low end threat? Innovator. Leader. Expensive. That’s Apple. Not bargin bin watches!

happy coffee

Fuck You Further Apple!

Ok so I’ve just seen the new adverts for the iPhone 6. What the fuck were Apple thinking? You weren’t!  They are the worst fucking ads I’ve ever seen. I don’t care who’s doing your voice overs, you just contributed to making society a dumber place. Anyone who likes them should be shot on the spot and we know how I feel about gun laws. Apple. You’ve pissed me off so many ways today that I can’t even start a proper rant because I don’t think I’ll ever stop. Plus your ads gave me the dumbs. So all I have is “what the living fuck” and involuntary dribbling. Thanks for that. My nose even refuses to bleed because you aren’t worth it.

Now that brings me to the watch. Again. What the fuck? Firstly, it’s ugly. Functionality be damned I’m not wearing an ugly watch. I don’t care if you have a gold version or a pure diamond version. It’s U.G.L.Y…. Like so much so it comes under the list of things that once seen can never be unseen and it you could dig into you’re brain and dig it out with a spoon, you would! Fuck you!

Next?! It’s a fucking pedometer dressed up with an apple logo, attached to your arm, seconding as a watch and you need an iPhone to use it. So way to try to boost iPhone sales, through your less than innovative pedometer watch. But fuck you I’m not an idiot. I can download a $2 app for my phone OR but a pedometer for far less money and still wear a pretty watch. See where the fuck you failed? It’s a one hit wonder fad. Idiot apple zealots will get it, just because it’s Apple and I will be able to make an instant IQ assessment. People who buy shit just because it’s Apple? Fucktards with no common sense. The watch is stupid, face the fact and DON’T go there. If you do I’ll judge the fuck out of you.

Oh you can use it as a phone if you link it to your phone that you need on your person at the time? Ok that’s ass backwards too. Just use your fucking phone. What are we back to “Get Smart” with the phone watch? Stop watching old TV reruns. Though the cone of silence for your ads would be appreciated. Argh! So you’ve basically invented a smart watch, of which there are many that exist already. How about an independent watch that’s a phone. Too hard? Try fucking harder!

All I’m going to say to those who say, let’s wait and see how it goes. How are Google Glasses working out for you?

Apple that’s three things you’ve done today to piss me off. I can’t get my phone TODAY, the Plus version of the phone and the stupid watch. Add in not being able to master a wi-fi card that works properly and I’m seeing red.

If I didn’t want the iPhone 6 so bad, not the stupid plus version, I’d break up with you and banish you and purge you from my life. You better hope the iPhone 6 is good and nothing better comes along. Otherwise, we are done.

For all if this you go on the Gonzo wall! And no pictures for you either, asshats. You and the Blitz don’t deserve them!

I NEED It NOW!

So I’ve woken up in a foul mood, not only was it at the asscrack of dawn, just randomly but to find that I have to wait a whole 48 hours before I can preorder the new iPhone 6. I don’t know about anyone else, and yes I realise that you used to have to wait, and DO have to wait 10 days until they are in store, that this is tilting me no end. I can SEE it on the website, I can pick all the options, hell I can even pop it in my cart but preorder it? No fucking way….. See that’s the part that shits me, it’s in my damn cart and I can’t fucking have it! I WANT it and I don’t do waiting very well at all. Want an iPhone 6 Plus? You’re asshat and we can’t be friends. Go and get a Samsung or something. Sure the screen is a bit bigger, but the added “features” it has (like pixel something or other) are just to compensate for the bigger screen. It’s actually just a bigger crapper version of the 6. So you’re an idiot.

iphone 6

Yeah yeah yeah I’m having a spoilt first world crisis, but since I think its been a year since the last iPhone came out and it feels like it should have been sooner. In my mind they came out every 6 months. Not sure why, so another fucking disappointment for me for the day, it’s right on schedule. I want a fucking phone and I want it 6 months ago. To add to my woes they say you can preorder on the 9th, which is great but would you please care to give me a specific time? Is it as soon as the clock ticks over to 12am and it’s officially the 9th, is it 2am like it was last time or am I waiting for the damn Americans to wake up? If I am, can someone there, nudge nudge, order a spare and I’ll send you the money. Make it 128GB and it MUST be gold. MUST, MUST, MUST! That is not negotiable and a total deal breaker. Yeah I don’t care that it’s only a phone and the colour doesn’t affect functionality. I just want it to be fucking gold all right?

diamond iphone

It’s not like I’m demanding a diamond encrusted one, which is just so damn pretentious that anyone who wastes money on that type of shit deserves to be mugged for the phone. Lets face it the diamonds are worth more than the phone, just pop the suckers off and ditch the phone. It’s going to have find my iPhone on it and they will lock it, but hey mugger you’re still winning on this one. Fucking diamond encrusted phones, now that’s just bloody tacky. I’m not even sure if it’s tackier than Swarovski crystals or not. Actually I’m going to call it as more tacky, based on the price and the sheer absurdity. So anyone out there who is stupid enough, and I don’t care how much money you have, its JUST a fucking phone and this is coming from me, it’s a complete and utter waste of bloody money in the worst possible way. Sure I like shiny and expensive things, but I’m not tacky. A diamond encrusted phone, tack, tack, tack. My advice is getting a diamond-encrusted watch, WAY more classy.

SI Exif

I’m also on an epic tilt because there were rumors that there would be a pink gold iPhone and this had me in a tizz, because it was a gold iPhone BUT a pink gold iPhone and I WANT. Turns out this are just a rumor and there isn’t it’s just plain gold, like last time. Now I’m fucking disappointed all over again. I wanted a pink phone. A pink gold phone, so while my gold phone will be much better than looking at a grey or white one every time I see the fucker I’ll think “It should have been pink”. So yes I’m thinking of taking it in to get the plating changed, though as sure as shit that would fuck up the warranty and the phone would die within a week, because if I’ve learned anything about Apple products, other than they will make you pay through the nose, it as soon as the warranty or the extended warranty wears out, the very next day something big goes wrong. Or never worked to begin with, if you even start me on the quality that is my Wi-Fi Card that’s in my iMac and the issues I have I WILL cut you. Yeah I know I NEED a dongle, but since it’s a Wi-Fi card and it’s job is to give me reliable Wi-Fi, you can’t blame me for being pissed that it doesn’t work so well and never has. Got it cheeked by Apple. Oh nothing wrong with it, that’s just the way they are. So there is something wrong with it, it’s just it’s crap.

NOT CALM

I’d like to finish this mornings rant by sending a big FUCK YOU to anyone who got an invite to the apple event and got a FREE phone last night/today, depending on you’re time zone. I fucking hate you, that is all.

This Guy Makes My Skin Crawl!

You know what I really really hate? Yeah ok that doesn’t narrow the list down too much, it’s a long list, but this one is right near the top. It’s a person, in the singular form. Whomever I see post some BS post about the number of whores he’s managed to sleep with, get to pose in positions that guarantee they will be working menial jobs for the rest of their lives and needing to own shares in a condom company, I just see pure flaming fucking red. Let’s just call him Blitz by name and nature.

Do you actually do ANYTHING but whore out your services and play poker? Like have a job? Run a company or I dunno think? You don’t seem like the thinking type. So these questions are a bit redundant. Big word I know, dictionary you should be able to afford. Get one.

See said man boy is not super attractive, has money from poker winnings, quite a lot it seems that he WILL manage to blow (no pun intended) in a year or so and is so fucking narcissistic that even my narcissistic streak fails to comprehend it. That’s a whole level of past narcissism into what I’m calling Blitzicism.

In the scheme of “rich” you really don’t even blip on the scale, you’re a wannabe. Best you settle for that cause it’s as good as it’s going to get.

Said person is NOT super attractive, actually his face looks like he’s growing pubes and seems like he hasn’t progressed past 16 where ALL sexual conquests must be public knowledge. All types of classy. It seems money really doesn’t buy class, at all and if it could I suggest he invest real bloody quickly. Cause man you’re the fucking lord of all douches, if ever I’ve seen one.

You want a pat on the back for getting your dick wet? A bigger pat because the girl has a boyfriend. Oh boy, you really are a fucking idiot that tops the list of all idiots. And I know idiots a many. Yeah the bro code gets you likes and followers, or does it? I suggest like the lays, it’s all about your net worth. See without the money and the pile of drugs you and said whores are ingesting, you’re nothing but a nothing really. Trust me when I say this, you’re not fucking good-looking, your personality is disgraceful and the STD’s your bound to catch, well they just actually add to your fucking charm. The STD’s are a bonus, cause you deserve them, in spades. Hopefully your dick will fall off before you lose all your money or spend it being a total load of horseshit or the bacteria living in year old horseshit. Whatever my point remains the same.

I actually hear you’re really not that good at poker anyways, so a gigalo is a good second option. You pay for sex already, most well turn it into a profitable business. Though my guess is there will be no takers. Without money you hold very little appeal. Since I don’t covert money or need it, I’m not impressed by anything you post. Actually the opposite, you instantly make me want to gag. That’s a skill in itself. My gag reflex is near non-existent working in my field but you’re a total clusterfuck of all things a real man isn’t.

You see there will always be dumb or high or dumb and high girls who do stupid shit. You’re paying them in sorts for doing it. So basically you’re using prostitutes, in a round about way. Wow dude you’re so fucking cool that your well revolting. Trust me, I’m right. All your likes, followers and retweets don’t actually respect you, want to be you and if they are smart come within transmittable diseases distance of you. You are the walking, talking cesspool of depravity that is like a car wreck, you know you should look away, you’re going to be visually assaulted by what you see but morbid curiosity prevails and has the 14,year old boy living inside every man watching. Fuck knows why, because you’re actual repulsion factor is so high, there is no scale.

I’ve heard you described as “my kind of asshole” which I assume means that you’re an asshole that they know is going to sink eventually. I’ve never heard a redeeming factor about you and after looking through your twitter feed, before I unfollowed you, I sure as fuck hope it happens sooner rather than later. Or if there is a god, he smites you hard. I’d like to think you’re not going to hell cause some cool people will be there. I hope you go to a place where you can just see hell and the fun it is and just watch enviously. You’d pollute the pool of cool in hell so bad that it really would be hell. Actually I’m pretty sure without your guns, I could take you in a fight, verbal or physical because my behavioural analysis skills. I bet tough guy I could even make you cry. Cause under all that false bravado, you’re an insecure little boy seeking external approval. What a an absolute turn on. To be clear that is sarcasm, you likely missed it.

You’re a total misogynist, with no respect for woman or yourself. That much is self-evident. I’m sure you have some bullshit reasons like your mummy didn’t hug you enough, a woman you loved burned you or something that shifts blame from yourself to someone else. That’s how your kind rolls. I’m call in you on it. It’s none of those things, you’re just a knuckled headed pig man whore that can finance your lifestyle, temporarily. When the money dwindles, you’re going to need an industrial sized tub of lube cause as sure as shit all that wet pussy, will become like the Sahara desert. All that will be left are crack whores or dumb ass girls who think 10k is a lot of money. Good-luck with that.

I will finish this with what is some sage advice, real women don’t like sloppy seconds. They really don’t like sloppy 1000’s. But then again, I don’t think you’re a match for a REAL woman. We wouldn’t touch you with a barge pole soaked in antiseptic and if you had a 10 year bleach bath. So my advice is get better at poker, save some money and just maybe your local meth head might take you in. But my guess is you’ll live the rest of your days staring at picture wondering where it all went wrong. The answer? You, you’re where it went wrong.

Oh and PS this blog gets no pictures, you’re not worth that much of my time.

 

Show Me The Pills.

Ok I think it’s only fair to warn you that I’m still jobless. Not that I don’t have a job to go to but it seems my direct supervisor is on holidays for the next week and a half, so that leaves me here. I’m actually a lot less ragey, and a little more scientifically minded when I have no real work to do. The part of my brain that I use daily screams to be used, rather than the ragey side. So again today we have another more serious blog. Not that it’s not rant worthy, but my writing style changes dramatically, ok. Little I still curse, as you will notice. Some will find it more readable and others will miss the colourful flair of the really ranty blogs. Let’s just split the difference and call it even because this blog topic is actually a VERY serious one to me. It should be to you too.

important

You know what I should have been a bloody doctor. I know, I know you’re all thinking it’s cause I want to write myself an industrial sized prescription of Xanax. Which would be great, but no doctors can’t write themselves scripts like that. They need another doctor to do that, so Mr BmB would need to be a doctor too. Even then I think there would be ethical issues and some governing body, that would be the only one ever, would notice and act on it. Let’s face it our governing bodies, all but customs (at least here) are ass backwards. It’s a great old game of pass the buck or “that falls outside our jurisdiction” try x branch, to hear the same thing and be referred back to original governing body. Bloody brilliant. I’ve chased my tail so often trying to find which regulatory body does what with complaints, that I’m convinced that they all do nothing. Until they catch the token catch for the month. Great work plebs, stellar!

But back to doctors and the total mindfuck that is pharmaceuticals. No this is not a big pharma rant, I don’t think the government is trying to kill us, inject us with mind controlling substances or even generally trying to make a fuck load of money off us. I don’t believe in Chemtrails, I don’t think HIV and Ebola were created bio weapons and I really don’t think vaccinations cause more harm than good. Actually if you come at me with that I see instant red and am likely to fucken strangle you where you stand. I wit with children who have compromised immune systems and have had whooping cough myself as an adult. I was the walking (and pregnant at the time) dead, Master 1 who was vaccinated got the sniffles. But let’s save that for another day.

conspiracy-theories-everywhere

What I do believe is doctors hand out antidepressants, benzodiazepines and other mind altering substances on a whim. I DO recognise we have a largely depressed, anxious and diagnostic ridden society. Everyone gets a label and a script or 20. No questions asked. You feel sad? Here’s a pill, you feel anxious here’s a pill, usually here’s some Valium (the truth is you’re more likely to get Xanax on the black market here than from a doctor), you can’t sleep, here’s a pill. Actually some sleeping pills are over the counter.

Pills, pills, pills. This is where I feel doctors and big pharma have a lot to answer for. This is where they DO make their money and it’s in the most ethically fucked up way possible. See they are making psychological diagnosis based on a simple face to face meeting, no testing, no REAL questions being asked to actually really define and understand the said condition, how it’s affecting the patient, the factors reinforcing it and with no real understanding of how each of these antidepressants/benzo can affect a certain type of individual. Or any careful decision, see perceiving a last generation antidepressant over the new one? Stupid, think Effexor v Pristiq, which is basically the same drug but the molecular structure reversed. Pristiq is SAID to have less side effects and Effexor (both SNRIs) is said to have the most side effects. Both are as easy to come off as hereon FYI. Though true clinical data will show you Effexor generally does a much better job and Pristiq has the wonderful side effect of producing uncontrollable and near psychotic rage in up to 50% of the population. So which do you prescribe?  The answer is a SSRI (Lexapro is a nice starter) and then go to your SNRI. NEVE take Pristiq is the advice I’d give anyone. I’ve seen it in action and it was horrendous. And I’ve seen some really crazy psychological stuff. The best I can describe it is as a pure drug induced psychological break filled with rage.

I once had a doctor prescribe me BOTH Paxil and Zoloft in the same appointment. What they living fuck? These are both the same type of antidepressant drugs, best for depression and crap for anxiety, which is what I presented with! SSRI’s (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors). Wow, had I taken both of those, as prescribed, I’d likely have ended up with serotonin shock syndrome and in the ER fighting for my life, which is rare but very very bad. Though would have been the outcome had I taken the drugs, especially at the dose he prescribed. I’d also still be anxious and likely now suicidal as well as hallucinating both visually and auditory. Would have made for fun times . He obviously wasn’t for the weaning in period either as both were standard mid range doses. Simultaneously. In short this doctor could have fucked my brain up so bad that god knows what could have happened, just like that, if I wasn’t versed in these drugs. Likely long-term too, fried. Luckily, I am smarter or at least more educated than said doctor in “brain meds”, though I can’t write scripts, oh the bloody irony.

I’ll be frank. I’m a lawyer/psychologist/behavioural analyst. I specialize in children but used to work with adults. Don’t start me on adults. I lost all perspective working in drug rehab, I’m not cut out for it because I don’t have the time or patience for excuses and no sense of personal responsibility. It didn’t end well for anyone. Children on the other hand, I can’t get enough of. Likely cause unlike adults, they don’t come with baggage, well except their parents and boy they can be hard work. But I do it for he kids. So these are things are way up my alley and probably will make me less anonymous than I’d like. I’m willing to take that stand and here is why.

I took Master 2 to the doctor yesterday. Like I said I’m NO doctor but the screaming from ear pain, temperature and history of ear infections, with the added bonus of having 3 other kids makes me an expert on middle ear infections. So yeah, stew on that awhile and any parents out there will agree once you’ve seen it once, you know it immediately the second, third or 100th time.

Now doctors are weirdly conservative when it comes to giving out antibiotics. I get the MRSA and super bug argument. I really do. But to be told, in an under 3-year-old where a burst eardrum can cause hearing loss is a real possibility “let’s just wait and see” made me all kinds of pissed. Come back in 2 days if not better, give ibuprofen for the pain and of for another $70 fee and we will give antibiotics that ARE needed now is fucking ridiculous. The kid had an ear infection. No temperature because the pain relief meds for the pain sure as fuck also covers temperatures. Catch 22. So do I bring my hysterical child into see you fuckwhit doctor unmedicated so he can scream your surgery down tomorrow? Or do you write me a script on the presumption I’m actually a smart parent, qualified to work with kids, you know this (would you believe I have and passed a federal police check?) or wait and see? Door number two seems more responsible. Less profitable for doctor and that’s the point isn’t it? I don’t believe for a second he was afraid of causing a super bug.

In said consultation I mention my anxiety. Yes I have it, yes I own it and it’s the remnants of a misspent youth, some untreated post natal depression and my history of yanking out huge chunks of serotonin and dopamine for recreational pleasure. Great times. I was under 25 so I blame my underdeveloped prefrontal cortex and the fact being fucking high felt good. Sue me. Oh anxiety? Here’s a script for 100 10mg Valium (big script) a repeat and some anti anxiety antidepressants to go with it. Now my file already says I’ve tried these antidepressants (and no they don’t target anxiety really like some better choice woukd) and they didn’t agree with me, like sent me all type of loopy, but “let’s try again”. Plus they are pretty much used for depression alone and anxiety isn’t something they are known to deal with. I’m not fucking depressed, so let’s amp up the already anxious patient, fucking brilliant.  Ok how about we don’t and say we did?

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Truth be told I don’t need antidepressants for my anxiety, been that route WITH therapy and fixed my neural pathways. See I didn’t just go the band-aid drug route, I actually did the hard part of addressing the core issues. But hey, who’s going to do that unless you REALLY understand mental illness or have a doctor that s just not going to hurl pills at you? And Valium, being benzodiazepines are also very addictive pills. So great, lets turn me into a prescription pill junkie to get through life and deal with my occasional bouts of anxiety. Fucking doctor, you need your licence removed ASAP. No antibiotics for an ear infection, but here you go Mum become a prescription pill junkie.

Now I often joke about taking Xanax on here, I really don’t, it’s for funnies. So no I’m not a junkie and I really don’t want to become one because of the over prescription by a stupid doctor! Though I did fill script, it’s likely pills will expire before I use even a quarter of them.

What the living fuck? Let’s sure just fuck with brain chemistry on a whim, but antibiotics? No I’m not a suicide risk and a referral to a psychologist makes FAR more sense than throwing pills at me! Or a psychiatrist, as they specialise in the drugs and what they actually do and which ones are used for what. All SSRI’s are not created equal, then you have SNRI’s and MAO inhibitors. All antidepressants and some anti anxiety, all doing different thing in the brain, trying to receive the same outcome but the mechanisms are WAY different. Side effects are very different individual and a good clinical history will let you know which ones to prescribe. Not a 2 minute consult.

muppet

No fucking way. Pure fucking illogical. Master 2 ended up with a perforated eardrum overnight, hospital visit, large dose non standard antibiotics and the warning that there is  hearing loss possible. Pass me those 100 Valium please, I know where the original doctor lives (not my normal one) and we are sleeping in your couch with the screaming child at your place tonight. If he has hearing loss, you better kiss your ass goodbye because medical negligence is a real term and I’m coming after you with all guns blazing. Its STANDARD practice to give an under 3 antibiotics for a suspected, or even “maybe” ear infection. I know this and I’m not a BLOODY doctor.

Which brings me back to antidepressants and all drugs related to benzodiazepines (think Valium, Xanax and anything that has the “pam” in it, temazapam) and the list goes on and on and on. Handed out like candy and no psychological testing needing. Pills all round! Antibiotics? Good fucking luck. Unless you’re 5 days in and the “it’s viral” just won’t cut it. Oh and of course that bacterial infection we see now? Side effect if original viral infection, regardless for the infected snot, pussing eyes or my favourite ever was “they grey you see on master 4’s tonsils, not puss spit” at the time of initial consultation. It was advanced tonsillitis, confirmed an hour after that consult and a recurring issue for master 4 (now 6) ENT took one look, almost died and they came out a week later after infection had subsided….

I hear the doctor counting his money as we speak! I’m not downplaying the risks of super bugs here, but to the part of negligence when it comes to treating a 2 year olds ear infection or infections of the head, bloody too close to the brain for comfort. Fucking ridiculous. Obviously the risk of perforated eardrum are greater than creating a super bug from an ear infection here…. Perforated eardrum proves my point…. But fuck I have 1000 or so 10mg Valium, that should calm me right?

just breathe

We live in a culture where a lot a lot if anxiety and depression is STATE related or even TRAIT related. It’s a huge debate but what we do know is genetics play a huge part (trait). We all have different thresholds for what we can handle in the moment (state) but it’s highly influenced by trait or basically genetics or now set in stone anxious/depressed neural pathways. Too much anxiety/depression and our brain rewires it as a go to response. The same physiological reaction, say excitement, is interpreted as anxiety, because of pathways. The brain is wonderful and confusing all at the same time. Neural pathway dx interpret physiological responses or lead us too. So you can see if overused and highly developed how excitement is confused for anxiety. It sucks.

A great example of genetic and inherent predisposition to anxiety and depression is prenatal material exposure to cortisol levels (stress hormone) produced by the mothers and then the in utero it changes or damages the babies neural pathways in the brain as they develop. Baby now has high cortisol levels, so guess which pathways develop? So high maternal anxiety/depression in a pregnant mum ups the chance if these disorders in their children  as adults a few measly 1000 percent. Do we prescribe pregnant mothers antidepressant and SAFE anti anxiety meds? Fuck no, we live in a ligation happy society and one that judges the fuck out of pregnant Mum’s and a society where doctors don’t actually keep up to date with specific research like this, unless they are a specialist. Take a drug prescribed like an antidepressant during pregnancy, you get fried by both doctors who have no clue and the community at large. Though not eat food with a real risk of harming your baby and they accuse us of being paranoid and over-cautious. It’s fucked up. I actually know TWO women who lost babies late-term to toxoplasmosis. It’s a real risk, don’t doubt it.

I hear you thinking they are bad for baby. No, most (bar Xanax) fall in category B (A being safest and risk free and X being a total no go zone), like Panadol or Tylenol or amoxicillin I think you Americans call it Tylenol . It’s not like fucking category X drugs like Xanax and lithium. Personally I chose the class B drugs (with nothing to suggest there will be any damage based on animal studies because ethically they can’t test on pregnant women… Though your OB should be informed as baby has a very slight risk of breathing difficulties for the first 48 hours but we are talking like 1: 500 009) for the last two and I can tell you, no harm, no foul and the kid I had the most anxiety with Miss 4, we will walk the same bitch road in life. I went unmedicated due to anxious fear and she coincidently is my high-strung child. Peer reviewed studies have now come out to conclusively prove that an anxious or depressed mother is very likely to produce an anxious or depressed child/adult. But still they don’t medicate mum, because of the fear of litigation and because they don’t EVER explain this to Mum or that meds might long term be better FOR baby. Unless you get a doctor who really KNOWS their prenatal shit. In the words of my neonatal psychiatrist  “this one little pill will give you your life back and it will save that the baby you are carrying from walking the same path. There are just as many risks in taking this as a safe antibiotic”. That’s sure as shit changed my stance on medicating pregnant women on the spot AND I’m trained in this field.

image

This is all related but beside the point. Some sobering stats her 1:3 people are clinically depressed, 1:5 clinically anxious and it’s STATE related the VAST majority of the time. No chemical imbalance, life just sucks hairy balls. Now for some it’s chemical, imbalance of serotonin , norepinephrine, dopamine or a combo. Generally a combo deal. Chemical imbalances NEED antidepressants for a minimum 24 month to rebuild neural pathways and make the ones that fucking make us miserable able to function. This is peer-reviewed at 10% of the population who receive these meds actually NEED them for this. The other 90% (state) need therapy, to learn coping strategies and perhaps short-term anti anxiety/depression drugs to get them to a place where therapy is useful and workable. If a doctor tells you you need them for life, without a brain scan, walk out then and there and don’t look back. If a doctor tells you to stop taking meds, before 18-24 months because you feel better, same principle applies. They are idiots.

But nope throw them a fist full of pills, that will fix it, seems to be the current theory of GPs. You know they aren’t brain specialists right? It shows. Underlying issue be damned and the GPs just throw them at you like they are candy. Very rarely do they refer on to a mental health professional. So this is not a great long-term strategy and will also fuck big time with your brain chemistry and can go all types if bad. Children under 16 are known to have increased risk if suicidal thoughts when medicated with antidepressants (Paxil and Zoloft I’m looking right at you). So I’m left scratching my head at the prescriptions handed out like toilet paper. It’s a fucking travesty. Fucking with the brain chemicals in a developing brain of kids/teenagers, yeah that’s TollPriority type rage territory.  These doctors must be snorting some real good shit to sleep at night!

I do understand the irony of saying antidepressants shouldn’t be handed out like lollies but should be ok for pregnant women. But you see my reasoning is sound.

child dx

This brings me to the over diagnosis part of my rant and working with children I see it all the time. First it was ADD, then ADHD, then Autism Spectrum Disorder and now the more mind-boggling bipolar in children and conduct disorder. They are the “fad” diagnosis of the moment and the diagnostic rates increase far more than the rate if our understanding of these disorders in childhood. Yes they do exist, but in the fad numbers? Nope. Don’t get me wrong, all but ADD I’m convinced exist (peer-reviewed studies recently out if The Netherlands now call it mainly a variation if normal) Though yes there are outliers that fit ADD as a real diagnosis, not knocking that. Some kids really just so do need to move to learn. It’s not an actual mental or medical condition, it’s a personality trait. Hard to manage, but aren’t we all? Plus it’s NOT a disability AT ALL. You find these kids just think outside the box and given free rein they can have the potential that the rest of us only can dream of. Seriously.

Obviously though, you need to work on developing the area’s of weaknesses these strengths can create. Hey no one is perfect right? We all have weaknesses and they aren’t thought of as disabilities, this is NO different!

Fuck a 6 year kid has the average attention span of 6 minutes, this generally goes minutes by age. But diagnostic rates are through the roof and the new DSM-5 have reigned this in or at least attempting to. Let’s see how that pans out. To put this in perspective the latest research out if the USA (peer-reviewed, let’s assume that the quality if the research I state from here on in, it’s tedious to keep writing) shows 70% of diagnosed ASD (did I ever define that, Autism Spectrum Disorder) especially the now defunct Asperger’s and the fall off and the very high functioning individuals (i.e. those like Master 6 who has quirks) are being reeled right back in are misdiagnosis or the new umbrella term Communication Disorder, which exists too I’m sure but to reclassify a quirky child with it cause you got it wrong to start with, I really want to cut you, bad. That’s fucking huge.

Then think about it now, fuck because this spectrum disorder has already been diagnosed it’s on your kids record for LIFE cause it’s impossible to have a diagnosis removed, unless they trade for another… Or you bang really hard on some fucking important doors. But I’m telling you as a professional, it’s as close to impossible as anything gets.

Yes Jenny McCartney you fucking bitch I’m talking to you. Your ASD diagnosis for your then 2-year-old IS Landau–Kleffner Syndrome. No you haven’t beaten science, cured autism but created a whole clusterfuck of parents wondering what they are doing wrong. The answer is NOTHING! LKF mimics ASD, the regression at the same points but has the substantial requisition of skills period between 8 and 12. Sound familiar? As a professional it’s as clear as day. So her whole anti vax, MMR causes autism (recently totally and definitely debunked and her epic back pedal ) is just a plethora of law suites waiting to happen. This is why playboy bunnies are paid to photograph and not talk. She has a whole  generation of unvaccinated children, likely deaths on her hands and her stupidity opens the door for a good old litigation case or a million. She always sticks to the line “he was diagnosed with ASD by professionals at 2 and now he’s better” Two points; ASD average diagnosis is 4.5 (unless very low functioning) before this should NEVER happen (unless very low functioning and then its a preliminary diagnosis to be reviewed AT 4)  and she never actually takes accountability, passes the buck to the doctors. She states he is ASD free now, no shit, he never had it to start with bitch. She has a great legal team obviously. Too bad she didn’t take the moral high ground and actually advocate for better diagnosis, admit they were wrong and inform the public of how it can all go horribly wrong. THAT I would respect, not the avoidance of lawsuits.

JM

So to my next point. What are diagnosis? They are a label of random related symptoms that every child has to some degree, it’s whether it falls within the parameters of “normal for age”. Issues with term normal and the fact age as the yardstick, we all develop at different rates. Labels? They are a box. Pop kid in box and we are good to go, right? Wrong. Children and childhood disorders are not boxale, they are as unique as the child. They serve two main purposes, to appease parents and to get funding. Well fuck that. No one is sticking a label on my kid to make me feel better or unless they absolutely need funding. Given we have a great health care system and these service are bulk billed with a GP referral to a specialist. You know where the funding goes? To the schools OR the parents. Hmmmm.

If under 6 at time if diagnosis they get between 40-60k a year per child, needed or not. So you can see why schools push for assessment in children that might have some quirks. I went through this with master 6. I KNOW he has quirks, don’t we all but to appease his private school we spent crap load of money and wasted a professionals time, which could be better utalised just so we could give them the finger. No funding for you I’m afraid. Suck it. Also a big fat “I told you so, I do this for a fucking living and am getting a PhD in it, I’m not just talking out my ass and I’m WAY more educated than your Learning Services Coordinator in this stuff. Fucking listen to me ok?)

Strengths and weaknesses parents is what SHOULD be looked at. Putting  a label on your child that defines them, they grow into, limits then and stigmatises them. Why? The label means shit all really. That’s my professional standpoint. Your kids are not a label, they are an individual person and need to be viewed and treated as such. I strongly advise parents to avoid getting a label no matter the force they put on you unless ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY! I do admit in 20% if cases it’s necessary. It’s like saying “your kid has a virus”…. Ok great it gives you a general idea of what to expect but not much more than general. That’s what these labels do. The sad part is they come to define the individual and put limitations on them, through others perceptions of the condition or even the child’s own self beliefs. They ise them as a way to identify themselves. A bit of understanding is ok but to identify as a label, no! It’s NOT a good thing, trust me. As a parent yes you might feel some relief at knowing WHAT is going on, but I strongly  urge you to stop at the SUSPECTED part of the conversation and never get the formal diagnosis. You know, they know but your child isn’t boxed, labeled or limited for life. It’s all about working on strengths and weaknesses.

So this rambling brings me full circle to over medication of addictive drugs, under prescription of antibiotics and handing out brain altering drugs to children (Ritalin/Adderal are now either now off the market for being unsafe or being investigated for safety, imagine that, clean amphetamines being unsafe on a daily basis) and a society that thinks pill cure-all and a diagnosis in children is a good thing. Parents push for diagnosis, trust me I’m not the clinician for you if you come seeking one, you can see the dollar signs in their eyes. Oh there are more if those parents than you would even care to believe. I hate them! A pay check for a diagnosis? All types of disgusting and my door WILL hit you on the ass as fast as I can get you out of there AFTER giving you a piece of my mind and I will NOT hold back! Looking for meds as a first resort and you’ll be lucky if you can walk out of my office. Medication is NOT the answer 99% of the time, behavioural analysis and individulised intervention is. Sure it goes against the pop a pill to cure culture we live in, but guess what? Just because culture is one way doesn’t mean we should accept it. This is a prime example. Medication for children? LAST fucking resort, no exception.

I hate you

Just throw a pill at it, mask the symptoms and lets not recognise that if we had medicated “quirky”  people throughout history some of the greatest minds would have been dulled back into “normal” territory. You think Einstein wasn’t on the spectrum? You think Stephen Hawking isn’t on the spectrum? The list goes on and on. But we didn’t medicate these minds to fit the mould that is “normal” and yes while they struggled, with our better understanding of mental health and greater services available, all those kids out there who might fit a diagnostic label, they will be the ones who achieve great things. Just because they see the world differently and have different struggles is NOT a bad thing, the difficulties can be managed but you don’t do that by medicating the things that make them what they are and stifling their potential also.

See having a diagnosable condition is NOT a curse, it sure as shit hits the parents hard because they all want a “normal” child, what they fail to see is they have an exceptional child. Of course low functioning children and parents of them I’m not taking away from your heartache and struggle. I’m talking to the high functioning, mid range functioning parents. Master 6 could easily have been diagnosed as Asperger’s, just like his Dad had I not been trained enough to implement strategies early, so he didn’t qualify. But this child that would have been labeled as Autistic and ADHD? 4 grades ahead in math, in science, in reading and I swear is brighter than myself and Mr BmB put together. I’m not dumb. Plus giving a 5 year kid a progressive matrices test to test IQ? Stupid and poor clinical practice, but it’s done every day.

I urge parents to be informed, do not ever let anyone label or medicate your child or see them as a diagnosis or a funding ticket. They are way fucking more than that! They are a little being with undefinable potential and it’s your responsibility to make sure no one medicates’ or labels them and takes that away. You owe it to them.

The world is fucking demented and ass backwards!

To Be Human Is to Have One Fundamental Flaw. (at least)

They say that no good deed goes unpunished and unfortunately this is very true, there is always some bastard who is out there looking to take advantage of you. Regardless of what you have done for them in the past or the good deed you have committed. It totally sucks big fat hairy ones, but that is an inherent part of the human condition, we are inherently selfish and manipulative. Religion is a prime example of this, but this is not a religion post, but it’s a great example of a moral code being twisted to try to control the masses through fear. Organised religion, I’m certain, is not how God (if he exists, up to you) is used for the purpose he intended. So many horrific crimes of hate and intolerance have been committed in the name of religion, to justify inhuman acts of man that it’s an absolute atrocity. It still continues as I type. But lets save that ball of fun for another day.

religion war

I started thinking about good deeds last night. Now this is not a new though and I’m sure a lot of people have pondered it in the past, but I couldn’t shake it. Some will say it’s a pessimistic view but I think it’s a realist’s view. There is NO such thing as a selfless act. Not at all. Not now, not ever. Every act committed by a person, gives them something of value back in return, be it intrinsically or physically. If it didn’t then we wouldn’t commit said act. It’s that simple, we all give to gain in some capacity. Now I know dear reader you are sitting there thinking I really am the most miserable, pessimistic and awesome person you have ever come across. But the truth of the matter, it I’m also likely the most honest too and I believe with 100% conviction, there really is no such thing as a selfless act. The self always plays a part and gets a reward for the act. Because like I said, if we got nothing from it, we wouldn’t do it. We are really ego driven creatures, Freud at least had something half right. Well kinda. But again a post for another day.

freud

Lest start with a basic principle of human behaviour, Skinner said that all behaviour serves a purpose. He was spot on this fact is undisputed in the scientific and behavioural community. If there was no purpose, then there would be no behaviour, no motivation for behaviour and the behaviour would not occur. Why? Because it NEVER occurs to us to do something that is purposeless, because as a species, we are motivated by purpose on a biological and physiological basis. Fact.

So then lets look a little broader, since we can all agree that all behaviour serves a purpose. If you’re struggling at this point, it’s best you leave now, because this isn’t a hard or debatable fact and this journey really is going to be far too much for you. I would think if you are innocent enough to think selfless acts occur, it might actually be best to leave now too. Because once you walk this path you’re view on life and humanity will be tainted forever, along with your belief in unicorns, fairies and that Smurf’s really existing. Or you can challenge yourself to step out of naivety and handle the consequences. While your view on life will be more jaded, it will also be much less frustrating.

So all behaviour serves a purpose, meaning we get something from it, either tangible or intrinsically as a direct or indirect consequence of our actions. This is what keeps behavioural patterns and chains firmly in place, they are the reinforcing or reward factor. If we got nothing reinforcing, or reward, no matter how screwed up it is, we wouldn’t continue with the behaviour. This is also another proven behavioural principal, think Pavlov and classical conditioning for a rudimental example on the most basic level. They were trained that producing a certain behaviour, produced a reward, a physical response to a positive indicator. Thus the physiological response became automatic, in expectation of the reward/reinforcer. It’s petty basic, not rocket science.

pavlov

Now obviously people are a little more complicated than animals, because we have greater mental faculties, well at least that is the expectation. Let’s not get too hasty and think this applies to all people, some really are dumber than my Border Collies. A great example of reward for behaviour, no matter how abhorrent are criminals with impulse control issues. They know the consequences of their actions, they just don’t care because the reward is too great, intrinsic value for them. For most of us there would be no reward in this behaviour, so we don’t do it. We actually are deterred from it due to the negative consequences. But still not engaging in the behaviour serves us a personal purpose, the avoidance of a negative outcome. Following? It’s a bit of a psychological trip I know, but try to stick with me.
So we have people out there who do good deeds all the time. I hear you screaming at me that they are doing good things and I don’t dispute that. There are people who donate to charity, who fight wars for a cause, who go into disease-ridden countries to help save others. All wonderful and beautiful acts of kindness but they are always selfishly motivated, at least to a degree. It differs from person to person. But none of that is an example of an unselfish act. I challenge you to find one and send it to me and we can discuss it, but I promise you, you won’t be able to find one after this explanation.

issue challange

Most people who visibly “give” do so in order to gain from the appearance of being charitable. Angelina Jolie is a great example of this. You really don’t think she does these things out of the goodness of her stone cold heart do you? Of course not, she is the worst type of charitable opportunist, because she uses it to up public profile and make money. Welcome back to my celebrity-pissing contest and what is the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Now you might argue that this is just a positive side effect, a coincidence, which comes from the behaviour, not the motivator. Which I doubt, but let’s think for a second it may be true. How do you think she feels about HERSELF when she does charitable acts? Do you think she thinks nothing of it, or on some level she is thinking that she is a good person and patting herself on the back for charitable act? Yes she is, its part of the human condition and the ego. Ergo, the act is now no longer selfless, because she has gotten something from it, intrinsically. She has a more positive view of herself. Does it diminish the actual goodness of the deed? Of course not in most cases, unless like I suspect with her she actually does it for attention and to make more money. Then it’s despicable, regardless of the good she does. To tangibly gain as a direct motivator from charity is disgusting.

aj devil

Now lets look at the more subtle philanthropists. They fly under the radar, they don’t look for public recognition, they shy away from it. They really do want to help for reasons that are less selfishly motivated. Well unless it’s for tax purposes, then we go back to the asshole territory that is Angelina Jolie. So for all of those out there who claim tax deductions on charitable gifts, you fall in this category. Because you have used the act to get a tax break and save some money, regardless of the good you have done and the consequences of your action, under it there is a real monetary gain, so not selfless at all. If you don’t claim for tax purposes, then kudos to you and I’d say there are little to no one who doesn’t claim charitable donations on their tax. Let’s face it a lot of big businesses would be far less charitable, if it didn’t come with the tax incentive. Some even use it as a way of tax avoidance or to lower their tax bills. So overall, it’s a cunt act, dressed up to look really good and likely publicized the shit out of, so you gain from public goodwill and people wanting to support your charitable company. So you’re making more fucking money off it than you are giving. Nice. See the deed might be good; it might save lives but your selfish gain, deliberate selfish gain, disgusting. Your motivation wasn’t to change someone’s life for the better, but to financially gain. Your depth of caring for the cause directly correlates to your personal gain.

money

But back to the silent type, who don’t gain in a tangible way. They gain in an intangible way, intrinsically. It might be public opinion, the opinion of peers of just personal opinion of self. Let’s face it you feel GOOD to help someone else out right? Right then and there it becomes an act that is not selfless, because you have gained from it. Simply by feeling good. You wouldn’t do it if it didn’t make you feel good to help would you? You wouldn’t go and fight diseases in other countries if helping the less fortunate didn’t make you feel good or play on your social conscience? Even Mother Theresa was not selfless, yes she was a saint and likely as close to a selfless person you will ever find, doing gods work because it was her mission in life. But she felt good about it and was winning gods good graces as she went, at least in her mind by fulfilling what she perceived her life’s purpose was as dictated by him. So while she gave up more than most of us would ever dream of, in the end she was also gaining intrinsically. This does NOT diminish her good deeds, she WAS a saint in the true meaning of the word, but she was also human and suffered from the human condition like the rest of us. On some level, to some degree, we are all inherently selfish and motivated by ego. Just some far more than others. The lesson here is humans have a fatal flaw and that’s selfishness, it motivates us all. Even Mother Theresa said it herself.

mother-teresa-quotes-hd-wallpaper-8

So there you have it in a nutshell, regardless of the scale, there is no such thing as a selfless act.

I Wouldn't Even Know What This Is Called….

cat in whwwl

Well I’m going to start this blog with the preamble that it’s likely to be as boring as fuck. Yeah I know, how is that possible right? Cause I’m giving you an insight into 15 minutes that is my mind, in real-time. It’s a hot mess up in there! But my god after one read over, I could shoot myself just to stop the mind numbing pain of dullness. I do try and proof read FYI, I just suck at it cause I’m a skim reader. Yeah the grammar and spelling police hate me and I’m sure it makes other people loopy but not as bloody loopy as I go trying to proof my own writing. I know what I mean and when you skim read, it’s a skill, it all reads the same. So that you will just have to live with.

Now lets face it not every 15 minutes can be rant filled, cursing filled, cunt ridden thoughts. If that was the case, then I’d likely have killed several people by now. Because even those of us who can pretty much find rage in any situation, well we need to chill a little bit too. Otherwise, the ranting and the swearing and the hate wouldn’t really be a gift, just our personality. That personality would suck. Mine is a gift to my personality and not all that I can do. Believe it or not I can actually write like real peer reviewed literature too. Without ranting, cussing and going mental. It’s as dry as fuck but I find the area interesting, so suck it. Though I’m pretty sure this gift of curse filled ranting makes my personality shine like the sun. Or burn like it. A lot depends on who you are and if you’ve pissed me off.

It really doesn’t take much to annoy me but to piss me off, Toll Priority style, it has to be an epic clusterfuck! Though the fact that my internet seems to be wanting to fuck with me today by connecting and disconnecting, is really starting to venture into that territory…. And by venturing, I mean I’m really already there. Is it the internet Apocalypse all over again? Or does life really just hate me that much today? Or do I hate life? It’s 50/50 on that one.

So you just never know what might come. Or it might be WordPress with the issues and not my internet by the looks of things. I think? Oh for fucks sake. Can’t anyone invent something that fucking works when I need it to? Let it screw up on someone else’s time. Especially when it comes to the internet? It seems the answer to this question is NO. So fuck them! How damn hard is it to keep a website running? I’m no computer genius but I’m going to assume someone out there is and they should be in charge of sites like WordPress, rather than dogs playing poker and smoking cigars. There are Monkeys at FacebookCunts and those birds at twitter with their fucking audits, which is still happening and driving me batty, they can fuck themselves too. Yeah I can piss people off, but to be unfollowed by 20k followers in less than a single hour, not even I’m that good. Well at least I don’t think and I never underestimate my ability to piss people off. Since they seem to have audited me weekly in the whole 4 weeks I’ve been on twitter and this happens every single time, to right itself at some random future point. I’m still pointing my finger at a Twitter audit. Again. Tech support is code for “complaints section when we don’t really have” and you can waste your time emailing us to not get a reply. Ever. Bastards. This I have learned applies to Twitter as well.

Don’t even start me on Ebay and the app and the whole types of crazy it has gone over the past 3 days. Since they upgraded it. Yes, I would add in a postage option if you fucking gave me one to choose from other than a blank screen. And no I’m not hauling my ass downstairs to try my luck on the computer, with the internet that has a mind of its own because I just know this is going to be a wasted trip. Then I will have to deal with the stupid buyer who wants me to declare the item as a gift, so they don’t have to pay customs duties. I’m really fucking sorry buyer but customs fraud is not on my list of things to do today. I state this specifically IN my listing. It also means that I’M the one not covered by PayPal (that’s a laugh in itself) if something goes wrong with the transaction and the bag you want to buy for several thousand dollars “disappears” or you decide it’s fake, even though I have the receipt. Meaning you get to destroy (or keep) fake bag and my money, because your country’s version on PayPal actually has customs regulations that mean you can’t post back illegal items. Here we can post illegal things domestically (not internationally) unless they are specifically stated you can’t. Yeah, we are ass backwards. Though try to bring that shit in and you right in a stinking pile of shit. Because sure as shit PayPal is not going to back the person who committed customs fraud and who has had several run in’s with them in the past.

I naively used to think they were great because they offered you as the consumer protection. I was wrong, dead wrong. Acting as a merchant for a site that sells proven, by the fashion houses, fake designer bags and making me chase my tail to get the fucking proof to then just have me turn around and post them back to them to get my refund is an epic clusterfuck and cheers to our postal system which allows it. Which of course they will then resell to the next naive fucker. All because in their land now counterfeit can’t be proven AT ALL and everything is just Significantly Not As Described. Sure as fuck it’s not as described. The fact it’s not actually PRADA was a big hint. I guess they really don’t want to be held accountable for all the consumers buying these fake bags, at a hefty cost, when the company is in liquidation. Means it comes out of THEIR pockets. But it’s fucking ok, I’ll deal with PRADA and Givinchy’s legal teams, who are on my ass about wanting these fake bags, due to me contacting them at YOUR request, while you continue to charge pleb consumers for you fucking useless buyer protection. Though sure as shit if I marked something as gift, you would fry little old me. Fool you, my crusade in life is now to sink you. You’re welcome and the compensation I got out of you will NOT stop me. Fuckers, I owe it to the other consumers you are robbing blind. See I do have a moral compass after all!

givenchy antigona stars

It just gets better, the internet REALLY hates me today, almost as much as the Gun Culture rant days. But this is the internet generally and not American’s so there is a subtle different. Fuck it all to hell now Twitter thinks I’ve been hacked and taken it upon themselves to suspend my account. Fucking brilliant. Only took me several hours to realise, because along with all the hate mail I get (I think of them as love letter by the way or cards of congratulations for a job well done), it has its own separate email account I never bloody check. Because basically I don’t have the inclination or fucking time to deal with hate mail or administrative things. I have people to do that shit for me. But it’s the weekend. Who gives a fuck? They got a call and I demanded that they found out what the fuck was going on, so I could bloody fix it. I don’t care if you’re in the middle of your Father’s Day lunch, I’m having a social media crisis and this damn shit better get fixed pronto. Oh and wish your dad a happy Father’s Day while you’re at it. Yes I’m hard work and you need to spring into action before I cut you, but no one can ever accuse me of being fucking rude! That’s just unacceptable, manners are free, so don’t hoard them. Fucking use them.

internet broken

See this preamble was actually written after the blog, cause even I was having a fucking snooze when I was trying to read back over it. The thoughts that poured out of my brain, while what was pouring out on to the screen while so very random was frankly boring as shit. You know why? There was far too much stuff in there about me, which I normally love to talk about, but not enough ranting. In fact there was no ranting at all. So I’m now all fucking all sorts of disappointed in myself. What kind of rant blog has minimal ranting and just the purging out of random thoughts as they enter my brain? It’s a wild winding journey and an epic insight into how I can’t keep a thought process going for too long without tangenting, but really it’s not that fun to read… Or maybe it is cause it makes you feel a lot more normal? Don’t use me as a yardstick for normal, cause that’s one thing I’m not. Guaranteed. No exception to that damn rule. So what blog reads like the Wizard of Oz on crack when you’re just spewing out whats swirling around? Mine apparently and even I fucking hate myself for that, so you are/would be mighty fucking disappointed too I’d think. Well if you actually like my classless, trying to be whity and curse filled rants. If you find them offensive then why the fuck are you still here? Oh because you are a hater and are addicted to me. Well get in bloody line. I’m well aware I give you the rush like snorting cocaine, off the ass of a hooker. I’m all kinds wrong but in the best possible way. Yes, that is a Wolf On Wall Street reference and I may or may not have eaten something carb heavy, before adding my postamble, preamble. Being diabetic, that would make me officially and legally high as a bloody kite, no harm, no foul. Just don’t tell my endocrinologist cause he is a right prick. Actually I’m demanding you don’t tell him and I can do that you see, cause I really do whatever the fuck I like, the vast majority of the time and hell I’ll even tell you about it, because I’m a narcissist and it just adds fuel to my narcissistic fire. Which already burns bright, so put those sunglasses on and saddle up I guess, if you’re sticking around for the long haul.

Or until the point where I offend you by calling you stupid for believing in something as ass backwards as the second amendment being so fucking important. I was called anti-American over that. What the living fuck? If I was anti-American I’d be all for your second amendment right to blast the shit out of each other. I really wouldn’t have an issue. What I am is anti stupid, anti dumb and anti idiotic. Which the second amendment is in spades. But we covered this and I think anyone that disagreed with me has already fucked off, well for the most part. Except the passive aggressive troll. Yes,I’m fucking perfect, so I will throw stones, fucking deal with it.

Well now this actually just became a little more interesting, so the mind inducing dullness of what is to follow might be able to be excused.

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Oh fuck it reader, I can’t even be assed posting boring as fuck blog today. So all you get is the postamble preamble. Trust me I saved you from the deepest recesses and pondering that was my non rage filled brain this morning. We will save that treat for another day. You’re bloody welcome.

fathers day

To all the fathers out there happy Father’s Day! For all those drop kick dads who pretend they don’t have a kid/kids, get your shit together and pay for your fucking spawn you balless wonder. You’re a total dick! Best you stay away from said child and just pay the fucking bills you helped create. Let’s face it, it’s the best thing you can do for them. Don’t let them become fucking you, ever man-child. There are enough drop kick fathers around, best they don’t have you as a role model!

See I do have a caring side!

bitch

Man, Women Are Bitches!

women bitch meme

Well I woke up this morning to what I assume, given the past 3 times, is a Twitter audit.  You all know I don’t actually care about the actual number of people who like me, just the actual number itself. I’m very ok with being disliked, since you know life is not a popularity contest. Or is it is, and then I missed that part? Whatever. It’s on OCD thing and makes me all kinds of loopy. The numbers, numbers, numbers. It’s a Saturday, so good fun for the whole family. Better than Bullets and Burger though I suppose.

Now what I’m going to say here is going to surprise both women and men alike. No, I’m only fucking kidding, we all know this anyway, and just no one says it. Man, women are BITCHES. Yeah, no I really mean it. You men out there are thinking, only some women and that would likely include you Mrs BmB. Your right I AM a bitch, but I’m actually the good kind cause there is no guessing. What you see here is what you get. Well minus the potty mouth, because in reality I have four small children and if I fucking swore like I do here, there would be some official someone knocking on my door. I can honestly say, in person working with kids and having kids, I pretty much never swear in real life. That’s what makes swearing on here bloody fun and fucking funny, well at least to me. I think if I actually swore in real life one of my very few (we will come back to this) female friends would likely faint. Though my report writing needs FAR better proof reading now.  Can’t have “Billy is a little cunt” sneak past me. Could you imagine that all types of pissed the parent of Billy would be? Id be right, I always am, but parent blinkers.

So anyways, back to women are inherently bitches. This is an absolute truth, you can take it as gospel due to two reasons I AM a woman and I AM writing it. See do you know what I like about men? Well other than the obvious cause I have 4 kids? There is very little to no subtext. They say what they mean, kind of like a really strong woman. Don’t get strong women and men confused though, because there are differences there also. But women speak with a LOT of subtext. Nothing REALLY means what it would on face value. Men, now you are catching on, right? It’s like “Is everything ok honey?” and “It’s fine”. No fucker it’s not fine and you are going to burn, right? But with other women it’s generally is an insult of types dressed up to sound like a compliment. The backhanded compliment.  LIke “Oh that’s a cute” Means “I actually think I’m smarter than you, won’t say it but I’ll call it cute cause that sounds kind of polite and nice”. I’ll take the complement thanks and had you back your backhand, but I’ll do it so you really feel the sting and are in no doubt. Because, I’m not chicken shit about these things. I say what I mean and mean what I say. It’s a blessing or a curse, depending on who you are and which end of the conversation you are on.

backhanded

But let’s go further back; to when women meet other women, that’s where it all starts. Women are by nature, jealous, judgmental and hypercritical of other women. You think we are hard on ourselves? Jesus if you could hear the thoughts we have on OTHER women when we meet them, your head would melt. Seriously we really are that red-hot ball of judgmental crazy. Some women might not be, I can’t speak for all women because there are exceptions to every rule. But I can guarantee you that ALL women dislike any other woman ON SIGHT that they feel threatened by in any way, shape or form. Feeling threatened might be as simple as this person also has a vagina. It’s a simple fact. Yes it may turn out you are both the same kind of bitch and eventually get on really well (Heyya! To my good friends reading this and sniggering cause you all know you hated me initially but bitches we be cool cause we are the same type of no BS bitch) but most of the time its fake, laced with social niceties and then ripping them to shreds when they are out of earshot to either your partner or said group of like bitch like friends. It’s, a bloodbath, don’t be fooled. Every physical trait is torn apart, your outfit disseminated, your intelligence questioned and a few other random insults thrown in there just because you can. The minute you turn around and are just out of earshot. You come back over and nice as pie again….

Sugar-addict

That’s how women work. While we are being nice as pie, we are making mental lists, raising eyebrows at the other bitch friends and starting the process all over again. Fuck it’s exhausting. I estimate you get 2 chances to prove yourself to one of the bitches in the group that you belong; it only takes one before the others will give you a better chance. You have a better chance if its one of the alpha bitches. Yes there are grades of bitches in groups, the alphas (normally 2 closet ones), the accepted ones and the ones that are there by default cause someone at some point decided they belong but they don’t really. They are tolerated but subject to same rules as stranger when they and the bitch that tolerates them is out of earshot. Not that the bitch that tolerates them actually needs to be out of ear shot, she’s low on the chain and knows her position is precarious.

But after 2 failed attempts, we will be nice to your face, though since I’m bluntly honest I’ll just try to avoid you rather than bitch about you behind your back. I really haven’t got the motivation for this. Ironic really, you’d think I’d like to group bitch, not so much, takes up far too much of my time, energy and thoughts. Id rather be doing something fun, like drinking. Though hey no one is perfect, so I’m sure I have bitched about someone behind his or her back before. I honestly now would just tell you to fuck off. Welcome to the world of women.

girls talking

Did I mention this is all based on competition and insecurity? I feel I should have, can’t remember, so I will mention it again as I can’t be assed reading over what I’ve already written. I fell dirty for giving away the woman code. But honestly, there isn’t much honour in this code. Sure as shit it’s ingrained and on some warped level, fun if you are the insecure type it makes you feel better about yourself if you need it but it’s really all kinds of fucked up. Opps, I swore and I have it on good authority that the swearing police are on my case, along with the grammar police. You can all go fuck that mongoose with my mother in law frankly.

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Call it classless if you like, but since its only the internet and I’ve seen the weird and freaky shit that is on here and the dark web, which by the way is a real thing, so classless is a compliment. Even more so when it comes from a class of person who wouldn’t know class if they face planted in it.  It’s like being called cute in a condescending way. Sure as fuck I’m cute, thanks for noticing. I’m also an 8 on a bad day, so if you’re a 5 (on a good day), given the bitch rules we live by, you’re thinking I’m model material and internally hating yourself and need to feel better. I get it. Calling me cute as an attempt to say naïve is just chicken shit and a testament to your intestinal fortitude and the ability to say what you mean, get a set please and thank you, I’d respect you more for it. Otherwise I just think you’re a snarky gutless half bitch. You’re right though I AM cute and more. Thanks for the compliment. Also if “cute” is the most condescending thing you can actually come up with to counter my argument, get a thesaurus and a dictionary first perhaps, there are much better words out there. Or better yet, find a damn counter argument that makes sense rather than just quoting other people and talking in crazy people circles. I don’t do crazy people circles, you get “this discussion is closed”. Continue to rant though, I’m not looking but I’m sure you just can’t let it go. You could even try fucking swearing. I’ll give you one for free “Well that was the biggest load of horse shit I have ever read in my entire life. Did you pay a monkey to write that because no way a person who can breathe without assistance can be that stupid? Maybe if you write in crayon next time you might hit your target audience?” There you go, you’re welcome! ( I will point out here that this reference has NOTHING to do with a person I had a similar conversation with in the past 24 hours, I acknowledge the similarity, but you are FAR smarter than the actual person I’m talking about and I have respect for you, just not them…. You know who you are…. Plus I’d never poke a pregnant woman having been one myself 4 times, I know it can end badly)

I also had someone suggest that I was blogging for popularity. Ok once they hysterical laughter subsided and I swear to god I near passed out from hyperventilating because I really couldn’t breathe for the tears of pure mirth. What the living fuck? Obviously this person has never read said blog. I wrote several pieces (one) and (two) that pissed off about 80% of The United States of America for being Gun Culture gun zealots and I’m sure I’ve managed to piss a whole other lot of people off just randomly, because it’s what I do. I don’t give a shit about popular because that would mean I’d have to give a shit about whether people like me and I think I’ve made it abundantly clear the only person who NEEDS to like me is me. Maybe Me BmB, though he knew who I was when he married me, and my kids at some points. They are fickle at the best of times, they don’t love me, and I’m not their best friend… Until they want something. Again, kind of like women.  Maybe women regress back to children when they hit puberty?

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But anyway, this kind of reminds me of my haters post. Take a look. I’ve linked it in for you. Though in todays social media driven world it means that women get to take veiled pot shots at each other by publishing vague Facebook statuses, twitter statuses or similar. Vaguebooking oh how the attention whores love it…. I’ll be honest, I will never call out a perpetrators of this by name IN my blog, not because I don’t have the stones but it’s unlikely that you know them and also it really pisses them off that they have been mentioned at all, in any detail. The details are also pretty specific, so if you DO know them, there is no doubt who I am talking about. Plus I’d have to add a whole lot of other adjectives to your name that would just piss you off further. We all know I’m not polite and I like to swear. You can add them in yourself if you like…. I like to fuck with people’s brains, just for fun, it’s all in the haters post. A big Holla! To you all, you compulsive readers and people I live in the mind of rent-free. I got a new flat screen the other day. Awesome eh?

Now by this point all men are sitting here shaking their heads and women are both agreeing and nodding their heads or they think they are above the shit in this post. They are not, they are just deluded enough to think that they are. Maybe it helps them sleep at night but my guess is they are judging me as they read and measuring me up and declaring themselves superior. DON’T do that, no one measures up to my yardstick, fact. You’re wrong. You know why? Cause I fully admit this is how women work, that I have IN THE PAST been this type of woman. Well when I was like 5 or something. Then I made the decision that I just really don’t like other women unless there is a good reason to. So I go into social situations expecting to not like other women, to judge them automatically and never be let down. But do you know what I have found? Now this is the hilarious part, because I have no filter, that bitching ect that goes on, I will say to the persons face. Something like “wow that’s a really revealing dress, are you looking to get laid?”. So they will either snap back and instant respect or they will tirade and huff off and I don’t have to play said game. This also means that other bitch women, who would fall in my circle of “ I will like you” will approach me and laugh their heads off with me. I don’t have an inside voice. Cause really said dress was really inappropriate and looky here I’ve found a new friend. One I don’t have to adjust my personality for, one who like me for the wonderful glory that is me and one that gets me. See I’ve screened friend potential in a room in under 5 minutes.

I don’t feel bad for slutty dress wearer, she really should have known better and someone should have been kind enough to tell her, before she actually got to me. Don’t get me wrong she had a killer body and rocked the dress, almost as good as I could if I was in a strip club as a stripper. She now might question her dress choices more carefully and even evaluate stripper quality of dress before she leaves the house for a black tie event. So really I did her a favour. I’m sure she doesn’t see it that way in the moment but when she sees the pictures of her G-string in the pictures or realises more boob was uncovered than covered, hopefully she will see my point.

So yeah all in all women generally hate other women. Lets blame evolution and the biological need to seek out the best partner possible and the fashion industry for making most of us doubt ourselves. Because “maybe she was born with it, maybe its Maybelline” or “Because you’re worth it” sound great when you have a team of stylists, makeup artists, hairstylist’s ect ect and something called “the skinny app”. I’m not sure what that is, but apparently it’s a way to Photoshop yourself skinnier (Beyoncé I’m looking at you, your leg and that funny looking coke bottle). Let’s face it marketing has a lot to answer for when it comes to body image, unrealistic expectations and pitting women off against each other. Like the bastards we used to date didn’t do that enough anyway. Well they tried with me, but honestly I wasn’t a prolific dater. Most of my boyfriends were friends first, cause I had more guy friends than girl friends. Or I was just too busy having a good time to be worried about boys. Do not infer from this I was a slut and slept around randomly or I couldn’t get a boyfriend, all types of wrong, not the case at all, just really not that many got that lucky. But it came a really low second to taking over the world. Priorities. But back to the media blame.

I don’t have to worry about that, because of the diabetes, my weight HAS to be controlled and yeah pudgy isn’t a word my bastard endocrinologist has in his vocabulary. It’s more, lose weight or lose your eyesight, a limb, have a heart attack or die. No kidding. So I get judged all the time for being skinny (which I am naturally anyways with huge boobs remember, real) after 4 kids. I must have an eating disorder; live on sunshine or some other shit. No I have a medical condition, but judge away if it makes you feel better about having a few extra pounds (no judgment, who cares as long as you are healthy) and the fact I’m WAY prettier and smarter than you are (not boasting my IQ test backs this up). It’s a rough hand in life to be given in comparison to mine and I appreciate that I was given 4 aces. I really do. But if you’re sitting there with a pair of 2’s and don’t even try to change, then fuck off I don’t want to hear your complaints and I will tell you so. Because being this fabulous while coming naturally for the most part, takes looking after myself, educating myself (all on scholarship mind you) and here is the big one accepting and loving myself, regardless of the opinions of others. I’m sure the sociopathy helps, but hey, I got lucky with my hand! Plus we covered this, I really am awesome. Life has been kind.

you addicted to me

Gun Culture Pt 2

So you all got a pretty clear feel for my view on Gun Culture and the 2nd and 14th amendments yesterday.

Big thanks for all the hate mail. MrBmB is still screening head shots. I’ll get back to you soon, I promise. Till then a complementary “Thanks for stopping by gun zealot fucker”. I’ll be more personal individually and address you as (name) gun zealot fucker!

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Here is a late well with a read. It covers ever pro gun argument ever invented and counters them.

So soak that up fuckers!

Yes it’s a comedic piece but it still makes a fuck load of sense.

Enjoy!

Gun Culture. Can You Handle The Real Truth?

Follow me @bitemybark on twitter!

american gun laws

You’ve been warned. If you’re a gun loving American and know me well enough to know I have a strong opinion on the matter and our friendship can survive, read on. If not? Read it anyways cause as much as I like you, I’m not changing my opinion, stance or the way I vocalise it. So it’s you’re hill to climb if we are to remain friends. I’ll leave that one up to you!  If you only know me through BmB, well you’re in for a treat then….

Yeah, today the proverbial cat is out of the bag, I’m FAR more than just a crazy pretty face…..

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Ok so as you all know I’m jobless this week, so I have more free time to blog. I had some nice little rant about something else written, related but not related about imitation being the sincerest form of flattery, it’s coming still but then the thinking began. Then I started thinking and grew so FUCKING MAD at myself for thinking of taking the chickenshit way out of not dealing more with the American gun debate, or as I’m now going to coin it American Gun Culture. I wasn’t going to post again for fear of alienating American friends, my audience or just people in general. Then I realised, that’s not the fuck who I am and this blog hasn’t changed me, it won’t change me and  opinion or the approval or disapproval of others means jack shit to me. That’s how I roll. So fuck it, here it is.

So Gun Culture, I’m not sure if that’s an exact term, but it fucking is now and if it’s new then I invented it. Now be warned people, this is a no holds barred, balls to the wall opinion piece backed up with some solid intelligence and damn it all to fucking hell facts with a nice history lesson also. From here on in, unless specified the term “American” or its derivatives will be utilised in a way that means, “gun zealots”. Now I realise this is not all Americans, so those flapping their arms about right about now that you’re not pro guns and for gun reform, you can calm the fuck down, we are on the same side and I’m separating them from you. You are not who I’m referring to. You’re welcome and likely just as appalled at the state of things as I am. If you’re just objecting to the term “gun zealots”  being used to describe you, then frankly you can kiss my fucking ass and deal with it, because from the objective outside point where I’m sitting that is sure as shit is what you are. Sorry truth hurts and I refer you to the initial warning in this piece.

See what really fucking annoys me about all of this, well aside for the 1000’s of dead innocent people, and the innocent children who if I lived there could easily have been my own, that you all wipe so nicely from your conscience when putting together your “American right to bear arms” speech, is that you still have NO FUCKING idea about the history YOUR  constitution, YOUR amendments and even the legal battle that has been raging over the second and then the 14th amendment for the past fucking 100 years or more. It’s not as clear-cut as you think or you’d like us all to think, or maybe you deluded lot do think. It’s actually so far from clear-cut; if it were a loaf of bread you’d be slicing it yourself. Actually that’s a great metaphor, because you really are slicing the bread yourself and bending words written 100’s of years ago in a society that was much different from today’s, to suit you fucking own purposes. Purposes that have been ingrained and indoctrinated into you since birth, a cult like mentality. I won’t apologise for that phrase because it is a cult like mentality, just on a national scale. Which is basically the right to kill someone if you feel you’re own life is being threatened by another and they DO NOT have to be armed at that. Just an interesting thought to begin with. What the living fuck is wrong with you? If you feel your life is being threatened? My 3-year-old threatens me and my life all the time, the kid has come after me with a huge stick; I’m not fucking blowing him away with a Uzi. Yeah I get it I just pissed all over your argument with a real downplay on it, it was on purpose. Suck it up princess. The principal remains, threatened perception, in the heat of a moment has NO objectivity and the fight or flight instinct is strong. Normally we would choose flight. Thank you evolution. If you have a fucking gun? Then the fight call is a hell of a lot easier to make, in your non objective fear ridden state. That’s where this whole Gun Culture falls apart, objectivity. Living in America, being American and being indoctrinated with the culture, your opinion CAN’T be objective, it’s always going to be subjective and biased. That’s a real good fucking reason to listen from an outside perspective. Open your mind from subjective to the most objective position possible. It’s not an easy thing and total objectivity is impossible, but opening your mind? That’s a conscious decision, so bloody well make it. Step outside what you think you know, the position you think you are in and put yourself in say my shoes, as a non-American, who understands all your arguments, I’ve heard them all and have the mental capacity to understand them. I also have the mental capacity to be objective, based solely on NOT being American. Though I will admit bias coming from a country that sweeping gun reforms saved from being in the position you are in today. I have lived both sides of the coin and let me tell you straight up, this side is the better side. By far, they are not even in the same ballpark or as the head on the NRA declared planet x. Man that guy is a REAL idiot. Ends up arguing against his position. Says a lot.

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I actually had a person call the death of the gun instructor in Arizona with a Uzi called a “minuscule” point to make about Gun Culture. Well I’ll be sure to put that on the sympathy card to his family, that he is a “minuscule” point in the whole scheme of things. That the fact a 9-year-old had access to ANY gun, high-powered or not is a big fucking issue. What is wrong with you? American parents? Do you really live in that much fear for your lives that your 9-year-old needs to learn to fire a gun? Of course you fucking do, cause every second person is carrying a fucking gun. See how that works? I know it’s a total fucking mindtrip right? It’s a sport? It’s for fun? Yeah it’s still a fucking mindtrip that I’m taking my kids for lunch and to fire guns as a Saturday treat. Not much blows my mind so fucking apart that I literally just cannot make any sense of it, but this, no sense. None at all. The parents of said child? Well Let’s hope they have a lot of spare cash for the therapy she is going to need for the rest of her life and that is not said with snark, that is said with pure empathy. Due to their poor parenting and decision-making processes their child, an innocent 9-year-old girl, will have blood on her hands for the rest of her life. She has killed, inadvertently, but ended another’s life. That Saturday lunch and afternoon activity? Well you just damaged your child beyond repair, for THE REST OF HER LIFE! It’s also altered the life of the family of the victim, forever. So no, this is not minuscule at all. This is a prime example of how fucking out of control things are. You can argue, even if you oppose gun control, that the 9-year-old should never have been there, that your child would never be in that situation. The fact remains that this situation did happen, it isn’t illegal and my bet judging on the venue is a common occurrence. So argue the fuck away “not my child”, because let me tell you every fucking parent on the face of the earth has said that about their kid at one point or another. They are and will always be wrong. The gun might not be at the shooting range, but it’s in your house, it’s in your friend’s house, it’s in their friend’s parent’s house, it’s in their piano teacher’s house or wherever. The fact is you can’t say never, because that would mean there is no scope for opportunity and there is plenty scope for opportunity, no matter how responsible you think all the aforementioned people are. That is fact. So deal with it. You’re child may never, but it’s well within the realm of possibility. That’s all types of fucking scary, so face the fact and step put of you bubble of denial. Do your kid a favour.

Now before I go any further I suggest if you didn’t read my initial piece on how gun control works, that you read it here and now and watch all the videos. Please and thank you because I’m not going to go all into that again. It been said. Facts and statistics in it and proven sweeping gun control can and DOES work. So take a hard fucking look. Read it several times if needed. Look up the big words and FUCKING UNDERSTAND it!
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Now back to this shooting and Burgers and Bullets or is it Bullets or Burgers? You know what it doesn’t fucking matter. What matters is this is a tourist attraction catering to bucks nights (god please tell me they aren’t drinking before they have the guns in their hands, ahh fuck it’s America of course they are), hen’s nights, weddings, birthdays and special occasions. You Americans think eating burgers and shooting guns is a suitable tourist attraction, a celebratory event or a family activity? Ok I’m just going to say it, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? It’s Gun Culture, that’s your answer. Can’t you just do dinner without the shooting? Go drinking or have a fucking party? Why do you need to include fucking guns? Does it make you feel like a big person or something? There has to be a psychological reason there, but I don’t have that hat on today and can’t be bothered with the fuckery of trying to work it out, you’re too fucking hard to understand when it comes to guns generally, so motivation for shooting targets for fun? Ahh fuck that. Gun Culture.

I do ponder however what the fuck do you actually need to know HOW to shoot for? Unless you’re a hunter and unless it’s for food, I hate you lot too. So if you’re not hunting, you’re learning how to shoot people? Do you expect you will be implementing a reality television version of The Hunger Games any time soon? Then it might be handy, but other than that you’re basically practicing to KILL people, right? You’re not learning to shoot for the limb or to stop an attacking; you’re learning to shoot to kill. Correct? Where the fuck are the bible thumpers right about now? Oh they have the gun under the Bible. Well what a fucking massive lot of contradictions you are. Thou shalt not kill, except where it might be implied in your second amendment rights and questionably backed up by the 14th amendment right. I will get to that point of contention later.

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Let’s actually look at the second amendment as written, not as how it’s been disseminated and bastardised, but how it was written. “A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”  Ok so it’s would be a fair conclusion in THAT exact context, given they are mentioning Militia keeping the security of a free state and the people being able to do so by means of having their own weapons is pretty evident. Nowhere does it say, against the rest of the population, in self-defense? We are talking invasion of state here. How is that NOT clear? Why all the debate? It simply says being the necessity of the security of a free state. It’s debated because of Gun Culture, that’s why and the clinging to the actual bastardised version of the second amendment and the dollars the NRA and gun lobbies prop it up with. They make a fortune, the gun industry makes a fortune. Americans are the first to jump on big Pharmacy for their evil doings but fuck add in guns and the story, which is not identical at all because big pharmacy is acting in the populace’s best interests, while the gun lobby and weapons manufactures? Their own. Simple. Why the fuck can’t you people see this? Blinkers. Add in the deregulated nature, why IS a waiting period bad? Why ARE background checks bad? Why? Because of your second fucking amendment and the clinging to the notion of loss of freedom. Fuck the possible loss of life. Push on second amendment.

I had a reader point out, that when I mentioned the actual inclusion of the second amendment was to stop the invasion of the British, way back when, when you broke free and that the British were never mentioned in the constitution. So that’s not the reason. It actually WAS and anyone with even a basic understanding of the history of American law knows this. Well since I can tell you I have read several constitutions and statute law in my time, they actually NEVER put the reasoning in. It what they like to call, leaving it open for interpretation and not accidentally making a law that excludes some heinous crime they haven’t thought about. Had they said “from the British”, then the Dutch presumably could stroll right in because hell you didn’t legislate about the Dutch. Not picking on the Dutch here, I’m sure, as shit they don’t want you either. They don’t pop in “if you kill you go to jail because….” or “the government has the power to legislate because”…. No fucking wheels on that argument… I refer you back to my comment about the Dutch. Or the Spanish or even “the Mexicans” that I hear so much about. It’s called border security, you have it, it’s pretty fucking good even. Though I’m sure could be improved, but hell you can say that about any legal institution or task force. What you don’t do is arm the population to do border securities job. Again argument fail.

So let’s look at the history of the second amendment and Americans hold on to you hats cause you aren’t going to like this one bit. You fuckers didn’t actually write it. Nope, nope, nope. You paraphrased at best. Well fuck imagine that. It was taken right from British Common Law and the English Bill of Rights from 1689 by William Blackstone. So seriously, are you still proclaiming you KNOW why it was written and included? Because you sure as shit didn’t write it! Mindfuck, right there. Secondly it was put in as “no royal interference in the freedom of the people to have arms for their own defence as suitable to their class and as allowed by law (simultaneously restoring rights previously taken from Protestants by James II). You paraphrased, but the sentiment is the same. Motivation a bit different due to the fact there was no religious war happening. But still the same. Congratulations, you paraphrased and then bastardised it. Basically the Catholics were trying to disarm the Protestants in a religious war. The Bill of Rights Act, 1689 allowed for Protestant citizenry to “have Arms for their Defence suitable to their Conditions and as allowed by Law ,” and restricted the right of the English Crown to have a standing army or to interfere with Protestants’ right to bear arms “when Papists (this is a fancy word for church) were both Armed and Employed contrary to Law.” It also established that regulating the right to bear arms was one of the powers of Parliament and not of the monarch. Separation of Church and State people, Law 101.

Sir William Blackstone wrote in the eighteenth century about the right to have arms being auxiliary to the “natural right of resistance and self-preservation,” but subject to suitability and allowance by law. So CAN have guns, as long as the statute law says you are legally able to possess them. Again this is still based around the Catholic/Protestant war. Still rages today. IRA I’m looking at you. BUT the main distinction here is, this law isn’t THE LAW that ends all laws, its subject to other laws that restrict gun access. You seem to have missed that entire point, which is kinda fucking important.The difference is they took the fucking guns off them. Good job at that. Yeah sure there is the argument that you still have bombs and knives, but let face it bombs happen far less than shootings, cause they actually take smarts, large amounts of weird chemicals, chemical knowledge, ingredients most government agencies monitor and are much harder to pull of than strolling into a local mall/movie theater or school and shooting the place up. That argument is stupid, as is knives kill. Yes they do, but not 30 people in under a minute, so you can shove that one up your ass too.

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I might as well address the stupidity of the “well look how drug laws fail” argument here too. Lets remove drug laws and see what happens. You can’t judge failure, when there is no “test group data” to compare it with. Obviously fraud laws, rape laws, child molestation laws don’t work cause that all still happens too. Should we delegislate all of that too? Laws are a way to deter and punish, they don’t actually physically STOP crime. That’s why we still have criminals, police and armies. Fucking what? Yeah. Of course people will always break the law. While we are at it drunk driving happens all the time, right? Let’s make that legal cause the laws aren’t really helping there. Or are they? You can presume yes. Laws work, but they only are as effective of the time, effort, resources and the legal processes put into them. Also the amount of stupid people who think they can get around them. That argument is redundant based solely on the fact it’s not provable in a meaningful way. It has nothing to do with the fact that drugs ARE illegal. But there is NO data to show what society would be like if drugs WERE legal. It’s the people who argue this point and call those who take this stance as dumb, who really have no fucking idea. Let’s imagine a America with no drug laws…. Is it the same as the one you see out your window?

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But back to British Common Law, this was overturned by the sovereign at a later date, not much later mind you and parliament obviously because they had at least some fucking sense and could see how gun violence was out of control. To control gun violence, you need to control the sale, distribution and use of guns. The difference is they didn’t care, like here, the people felt entitled to guns, the government actually thought people are more entitled to life. Fucking bastards right?

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Lets just face it an armed society is a really bad idea. Unless you’re at war you really have no reason to have a gun. Unless you want to kill people that is, in self-defense I hear you screaming. How many of you have actually NEEDED those guns you have? Not just pulled them out cause something went bump in the night but really fear for your life and I’m going to shoot you fucker type defense? Yeah not many and you’re going to argue it’s because you have said gun. Well Assmunch so does your assailant (apparently) and they have the have the jump on you anyway. So good luck with pulling that trigger first. No really, good luck with that. Every Americans will argue this point but it’s the circular argument of they have guns, if you take them away only some have guns and we are defenseless. Yeah yeah circular arguments that really get nowhere and make no fucking sense, because the assumption is this change of law lives in its own little insular bubble and nothing else is brought to the party. Like stronger penalties for gun possession, gun crime, task forces put in place for guns, drugs ect. It’s all outlined in the post I citied earlier. I’ve added the link again, just in case you need a refresher. Take a good hard look at the facts, because we WERE you, we just fucking had the balls to change and weren’t so attached to our guns that mass shootings in schools were a necessary evil for self protection. For fuck sake, how do you sleep at night?

So anyway, back to the history lesson. Did you know and I’m going to take a stab in the dark here the actual right to bear arms was not totally ingrained in your constitution until 2008, when it was ruled so by a federal court. A court that had been arguing the meaning of the 14th amendment? In short the 14th amendment is cited as the amendment that protects the second amendment. Technically NOT true. It is an amendment that stops the states from making and passing laws that are already governed on a national level. So the state law cannot override a federal law, like in DC where they actually banned guns (read that case, it was only overthrown by a minority majority of 5 -4, so there is hope). The MAIN points of the 14th amendment, which seem to fall by the wayside are that it legalizes abortion, abolishes slavery AND legislates state law cannot overrule federal law. See you Americans seem to have missed the major points and twisted it to hold on to those second amendment rights, you actually didn’t write and have bastardised. All constitutions have a section that says state laws cannot legislate enforceable laws over federal laws. It’s STANDARD. Again Law 101. (I really should be charging for this free legal lesson)

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Following? I know, I know, it’s a fuck load for you all to take in in one day. Even fucken harder from someone whom isn’t American. I will get the argument, well you don’t know our legal system so have no idea, Fuckers I scored 49/50 on your citizenship test, based on the history of your laws. I did better than pretty much EVERY damn American I know, I have studied your laws and constitution at a University level, so fuck off, I’m far more educated on this than the vast majority of you. Yeah I DON’T get the Gun Culture part, because that because it wasn’t indoctrinated in me from birth, I haven’t been brought up on bullshit NRA propaganda and had to live in a society where guns are everywhere, well not since I was 15. Let me tell you fuckers it feels great, cause I AM FREE of a lot of the burden you face every day, the fear and the hate. You know why, because MY country had the stones to stand up and say enough was enough. No more mass killings and innocent’s lives came before the right to shoot at will and “self-protection”…. If you looked at those statistics we have far little need for self-protection now than ever. Strong gang/bikie laws put an end to almost all our violent, drug and non domestic related crime. Yes we can still have guns, if we have a reason, yes we still have rifle ranges (not with 9 year olds with Uzis mind you) and yes there are a huge number of LEGAL guns in our society for people who truly need them. Self protection is not a NEED, you know why, cause they took the weapons off the fuckers who were a threat and if they still had them, into jail they went. They introduced sweeping gun reform, tougher penalties and special task forces. Basically they actually got their shit together, even with vocal disapproval from a large subset of the population. You know why? We got smart, safe and chose a life free from the violence and fear you just accept. Awesome way to live.

For shits and giggles I will list some other archaic common laws still applicable here, because they were never legislated out. It’s a waste of time and money and they were better off looking at the real issues. While still enforceable, I don’t think they have been enforced since their inception all those 100’s of years ago. Keeping in mind as a Commonwealth country, they are from British law, as are a lot of American laws, because it’s where you came from. So hell you might still have them too

 

1. No wearing of slippers in public

2. A pregnant woman being able to relieve herself of the need to urinate, even in a police mans hat if the urge strikes.

3. It’s illegal to drown but not swim in a canal.

4. It’s illegal to commit suicide but not attempt it.

5. It’s illegal to be in possession of a cow, horse, pig or steam engine while intoxicated. If you’re riding any if these things it constitutes drink driving.

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Oh how laws made in the 16, 17, 18 century, you’ve got a lot to answer for! The second and by default 14th amendment are prime examples of what happens when people fail to not only understand the history behind laws and the reasons for them but realise law needs to change with society. Gun Culture is what happens when people are too afraid of change and too selfish to realise that their opposition to change infringes on the personal liberties (freedom fuck yeah right?), such as the life, of others. But hey who cares, you’ve still got the fucking guns right? Well until it’s your kid’s school that is shot up, then lets see how far left you lean then.

I seriously have to believe the greater populace of America (as defined above) has diminished capacity or this is just natural selection at work, because otherwise my brain will explode. I also do understand that your mental health system is flawed and that you will blame the majority of shooting as someone with a mental health disorder. Well no shit, normal people don’t commit mass shootings, though they do own and shoot guns apparently. So your half way there I guess. But the fact still remains with gun control access to these weapons would be much harder, near impossible if gun regulation was put into place properly and the other law/regulations/task forces implemented. But healthcare will always be an issue there due to your anti “welfare state” capitalist mentality and strong push for capitalism. But that’s a post for another day.

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I dedicate this post to all the victims and the families of the victims of mass shootings (and gun crime), whose population has failed to not only protect your loved ones but also to act on the senseless loss of life. It IS unacceptable and hopefully in time, the next generation, will actually will be smarter and not ruled by fear and self-righteous stupidity when it comes to guns. To be able to see the bigger picture, a brighter fear free future and the future that your loved ones had snatched away.

*You will note the massive decrease in 2010. This is due to September 11 2009 terrorist attacks and when your fucking government AND people decided to act. Too bad you only focused on international terrorists and not the domestic type. See even THAT made a change. You still think Gun Control can’t work? Well you’re right, not until Gun Culture gets put into the black hole it deserves to be put in!

You really should have listened to this guy rather than pushing him back to Britain!

Here is a good site to put it all in perspective.