I fucking hate today. You really think is must be some sort of record because it’s not even 10am and I’m calling it, today sucks big fat hairy donkeys balls. I’ve even had about a zillion cups of REALLY strong coffee and the day isn’t any brighter. No fucking scratch that it’s far too fucking bright! Burning the retinas in my eyes type bright and no I’m not a fucking vampire or anything like that.
Though at this point it would have been fucking handy since I was up ALL night. Voluntarily and no I wasn’t working, partying or doing anything remotely fun like that. I was sitting on my IPhone 5 crap obsessively refreshing because hell the new iPhone 6 goes on preorder TODAY! Now last time this happened it went on sale at 2:01am, being a night owl this wasn’t too much of an issue for me. But being the responsible parent that I am, I decided yesterday I’d call Apple and ask them what time the preorders start. That way if it some ungodly hour or even the next morning, then I could set my alarm or have a good nights sleep and then wake up at the appropriate time, for my little piece of handset gold. But Nope I was told 2am… so up I fucking waited. The time ticked over and over and over, if you follow me on Twitter (@bitemeybark) you can see me getting progressively more pissed and progressively more tired as the time wore on. While this was happening, Ms. Evil (I’ve changed it from Xanaxy cause in all reality the cat IS an evil genius and she had me fooled) Grumpy Cat, wants to sit on my chest and bat the light that is my phone. Yeah cause that’s not going to drive me batshit crazy as I try to order a phone that is still unavailable. Let’s just say, she was unceremoniously dumped onto Mr BmB (who ws sleeping hahahaha!), who she bit on the nose and I felt a little better. Till, she came back over, to swat at the phone. So there I was staring the “currently unavailable” on the Apple page and looking at her butt hole. By the end of this the butt hole infuriated me less.
In the middle of all this Twitter suspends my account, again. No real reason, just because I’m sure they like to fuck with me too. THREE times ,in under a week. They think I’ve been hacked. NO I haven’t. Stop shutting me down! I’m not doing anything wrong, posting things I shouldn’t or anything like that. On a total side note, am I the ONLY one to notice ALL the suspended and deleted accounts over the past fortnight? What the hell is going on? 10K of MY followers, or thereabouts, either suspended or deleted. What did these fuckers do? Seriously? Twitter, you seem to be a little hyper vigilant at this point, You really need to take a bloody chill pill. I don’t care if you’re trying to make it a more reputable site, but since I’m reputable and you keep suspending me because you think I’ve been hacked, I’m suspicious. Well in real life sure, on Twitter, not so much so.
Now we all know I’m all types of crazy, so it wouldn’t surprise you to know I’m as stubborn as hell also. So was I going to let Apple, the company that had pissed me off no end in the last 48 hours beat me? Yeah I’m still on tilt about the iWatch btw, fuken stupid thing. So I was going to out wait them, play a gave of “who will give in first. Guess what it’s 10am and we are STILL fucking playing. Yes you read that’s right, I’ts10am, I’ve been up for 30 hours and I’m still waiting for the fucking preorder to open. Yeah that will show you Apple you bastards, see I’m STILL waiting. Though I’m starting to think at this point I made the wrong call, in a very epic way. I should have gone to sleep at some point, 4am seems reasonable right about now. But hey, what the fuck would I know? I’m running on NO sleep and IV coffee.
But FFS it’s a damn preorder, it’s not like I’m even waiting to but the phone and have it shipped to me in the next few days. I will likely get it 10 days AFTER it’s available in store. Now I know you’re thinking, why don’t you just go into store on the 19th and get one. NO FUCKING WAY! You know why? We have 1 Apple store here and do you know how long that line would be? I most well start queuing up now, if I want to get a phone and we are talking 7 days time. That’s how fucking crazy it gets here. Ok, so waiting up all night and day is NOT the yardstick for normal either, but I am NOT camping out in a mall for over a week for a phone. Look if they were limited edition Fendi, Givenchy or LV bags that they were handing out for bloody free, then yeah I’d be there and using elbows. But when I can, or am supposedly able to do it online, a week earlier, NO FUCKING WAY. Plus do you know how many germs would be IN that line? After a week of sitting in it, no cutsies, I’m pretty sure everyone there is going to have to be admitted to hospital with some weird and wonderful bacterial infection that will cost them their fingers, so good luck using your new phone then, eh?
So of course I’ve been on the phone to Apple today and to be fair the guy was really nice, considering he’s been asked the same question literally a million times since the call centre opened an hour ago. The short answer is they have NO FUCKING idea when the preorder is actually going to go live. So pleb on the phone yesterday fed me a whole lot of shit. He even went as far to apologise and ask me if I knew whom it was I’d talked to, because they have been under strict instructions to not give a time. Which is helpful because they actually don’t know the fucking time. Like the rest of us they are sitting there refreshing their screens to the Apple store to try to purchase a phone. Yeah, you think that working at Apple, at any level would get you a first right to a phone. Seems not. So this poor guy has been doing pretty much the same things as I have, operating on the assumption that like with thee 5s it opened at 2:01am. Well he fucking joke is on both of us buddy. So anyway, whom did I talk to yesterday? How the fuck am I supposed to remember their name? All could say was “they were American”, as are 90% of the people in the department. So that’s as helpful as saying to PayPal “I was talking to someone American yesterday”, it literally could be any fucking person that works in the office. At least he was giving the entire American population of the office the stink eye for me, that I appreciate. At least he was doing something, which I wish I could have been doing. Though I would also like to have been swearing and finding the fucker who gave me the wrong information and cutting them so bad. But I think that would be frowned upon. Not that I really give a fuck because the asshole deserves it, I’ve been up for over 30 hours, I have 4 kids and it’s Friday. So that means I have the whole weekend to become more sleep deprived.
So I’m still sitting here refreshing my screen and hoping to be able to purchase the elusive iPhone 6 NOW. Latest news is the preorder won’t open in Australia till 5pm, to line up with the rest of the world. Fucking American’s can you please catch up time wise, your time zone difference is really pissing me off today. Plus 5pm is right on kids dinner/shower time and just when I WON’T be able to get on to the computer to get the damn phone and sure as shit, by the time 6:30 (bed time for the kids) rolls around I WILL be able to get one, it will have to be black or space grey, not even a fucking white option. If it goes that way, I will kill anyone who even looks at me funny. I’m having gold and that’s the end of it and NO I’M NOT WAITING! DO you know who the fuck I am? I don’t do waiting.
MrBmB you have ben warned, if my ass is NOT in front of the computer at 5pm purchasing this fucking phone because I need to deal with our spawn, I will come after YOU for this entire clusterfuck. Fair warning.