September 11, 2014

Mummy Wars? Infuriating!

Bite My Bark Rants 5 Comments

Ok so I’ve started off the day with an Apple rant. Was never my intention, but someone pissed me off. So rants change and people must pay. That doesn’t mean that I forget original rant/post. It just means that it’s slightly delayed.

I always promised myself that I was going to keep this blog ranty but not in a predictable female way. The judgement of having four kids. Are you having more, you aren’t are you? You know what causes it right? And all that jazz. It’s been done to death. But since I’ve been questioned literally 20 times in 48 hours, I changed my mind!

The answer to these questions come simply under the category is of course I bloody know what causes it. I have four, but feel free to draw me a picture. Yes I might have better things to do, but I like sex. Sex causes babies and unless you are my OBGYN or somehow in charge if my uterus the rest of it is none of your fucking business. My kids are loved, fed, clothed, go to a good school and basically want for nothing. They are not spoilt little shits, I don’t raise spoilt shits but I fail to understand why ANYONE feels the need to judge and comment.

Unless you’re putting them IN there, carrying them, paying for them or taking them out, then your opinion? You can shove it up your fucking ass. I didn’t ask for it, I don’t want it and I sure as shit don’t ask you why you don’t have or don’t have more kids.

Just because you’re happy with none, your one, your two or your 3, then great for you. But the state of the occupancy of my uterus? I will not fucking discuss it with you. Unless you want to discuss with me your sperm count, how often you masturbate or why the fuck you chose your profession in life. Because frankly I find that as odd as your concern as to the state of my uterus. Which by the way is empty of all type if human life, for the moment. Will it stay that way? Who knows. Fun to keep people guessing.

Then we get to the Mummy Wars, where everyone has an opinion and will judge the fuck out if you if you disagree with them. News flash unless you’re abusing your kids, you’re ignoring developmental delays or being a cunt of a parent, I don’t really care.

Well unless your cunt of a kid is annoying mine, then I’m all up in your face. Though if like to think my kids can handle little cunts, they have my genetics. But other than that you know why I really don’t give a shit? It’s not my fucking business. Unless you pay me to help you, then it’s my business and you better listen.

Breastfed v formula fed. C-section v vaginal delivery. Painkillers during delivery v no painkillers. Not my fucking business and in 3 years no one is going to give a shit regarding the path you chose. Trust me. No one ever asks how Master 6 came to be. He just is. Trust me that’s enough!

Which brings me to birth and labour stories. Why do all women feel the need to one up each other in this department? Or scare the shit out of first time Mum’s to be? You had a bloody kid, we are physiologically made to do that. It’s not a special fucking gift. Deal with it, it’s not in your “skill set”, it doesn’t make you special or any such nonsense. Pretty much anyone can birth a child. (No offence intended to those who struggle to conceive here, I’m talking very generally). Women were made to have kids, the vagina is a in AND an out hole!

though of course there are emergencies and the wonder that is medicine has decreased both maternal and infant death rates dramatically. So no it’s not a medical condition as I hear anti-OB or medical intervention activists say. But it’s a body condition and while you’re not sick, I’d argue it’s a medical state or a bodily state. So most well have a medical/body expert there just in case a medical emergency does arise. Preventative measures. Seems reasonable given the stakes.

Being a parent, well that’s a whole other story. Yes you think your kids are special, they are to you, to the rest if us, unless we are close, not so much so. You’re crotchfruit are just like the millions of others out there. Same as mine are to you. Deal with it. I’m just not that into them. Actually my germaphobia kinda makes them creepy. Keep your sick kid away from me! Otherwise they hold as much interest as broccoli to me, really. Unless they need my professional help. I expect the same in return!

Which brings me to stupid pregnant women who think they know better than Obstetrician’s or Midwives. They disregard or avoid prenatal care and basically think they know best cause they have a obstetrics degree from Dr Google. I lost count over the years of the women who justified smoking, drinking, eating risky foods and basically poo pooed other woman for sticking to the recommended food guidelines. It’s not your fucking business if I choose to be more cautious than you. But if you’re stupid enough to take stupid risks, I have an opinion. I owe it to your kid! It’s not about YOU!

Yeah I know the risk are low when it comes to some “banned” foods, I know it likely won’t happen to you but in my mind my baby’s life is FAR more important than deli meats, soft cheeses, alcohol and the rest if the stuff they tell you to avoid. For that whole 9 months. Fuck it’s not a lifetime but it’s to protect a life. If it was my health at risk, then sure I might take a gamble, but with my child’s life, no fucking way. Priorities. I actually personally know TWO women who lost babies to late-term toxoplasmosis. They ARE real risks, you can calculate the importance to you if you like. But to me NO voluntary risk is worth the health of my child. This goes for not immunizing. The risks are greater not immunizing, than immunizing. Scientific fact and not up for debate. The foods ect your choice no impact on society thus I don’t care past the wellbeing of your child and the damage I’m going to have to help you deal with as they develop. Parent’s with kids withAlcohol Fetal Syndrome, I sure as shit judge the fuck out of you, addict or not. You permanently damaged your child, diminished their quality of life and gave them a disability. You’re lucky I let you breathe. Vaccination rates impact society and kids who can’t be vaccinated, kids I work with, so I care. A lot. I’ve lost clients to preventable diseases because THEY can’t be immunized but the next door neighbour googled immunizations and decided against them and the child with the compromised immune system paid the ultimate price. But that rant is DAYS long!

I’m the type who pays an OB cause he’s the educated expert. I have diabetes and a history of trying to bleed to death 3/4 times (after having the boys). Seems he’s the hands I should responsibly be in cause he IS the expert. Sane approach I think.

Midwives have their place but they are trained in textbook and not so well versed in when subtle indicators start to point things are going down hill. I was monitored during my deliveries during my labours by midwives who reported back to the OB. The first one would have cost me and Master 6 our lives. A heart rate falling to under 10 during a contraction IS a problem, even if you turn the alarm off! Yeah I noticed and I’m not stupid, so don’t fucking tell me I’m overreacting. Lucky I’m not backward in coming forward and demanded my OB walk the 20 feet from his office to come and check, turns our I was right. Cord around his neck twice, stuck and an abruption. Clusterfuck of bad that would have had us both dead in 10 minutes more.

With master 2, he was out in 30 minutes from start of induction and the midwife missed it (I’d had an epidural due to induction). I told her I knew the searing hip pain meant he was on his way out, third rodeo, but what the fuck would I know? Number 2 was born in a little under an hour, so yeah no shit I “go quickly”, I fucking told you that. It’s on my fucking chart! With a drip to speed things up due to induction, halving the time wasn’t impossible as you said. Bitch! luckily for me my OB was doing a random check and there was baby near out. As in, all but legs. I seriously can say I never pushed that kid out. I don’t think many women can say that.

With the last they tried to hand me a sleeping tablet 1 hour before he was born. Waters had broken, no real action. I told them I felt a real contraction. They didn’t see it, so I must have made it up. Even if it was, it’s not that quick. Yes, for me it fucking is. Try a push, women push for hours. No I don’t. 3 times max or not at all. I know this cause I’ve been here 3 times before. Fucking listen to me! Those kids run out! Wouldn’t you?

So I’m jaded, with good reason on Midwives and especially those who think they are equal to OB’s. Experience. But each to their own, I know other people who have loved their midwives. It’s pot luck I guess.

That brings me to home-births. Do I think they are “safe”? It’s a sliding scale based on if your pregnancy is complicated or not, that is the individual pregnancy but overall I’m going with no. Because uncomplicated pregnancy does not equal uncomplicated birth. Fact! Not because they can’t be safe but because the scope for disaster is just far too much for me to take on board. If something goes wrong I want an OB and a ER 1 minute away, max! My hospital is very good, I could move freely and be monitored if and when needed. Especially with Master 1 who busted out at 37 weeks, rather than being evicted at 40. Yeah surprise! I have diabetes so NONE of my kids, bar master 6 who I didn’t have diabetes with, stayed longer than that. For a kid that won’t sit still, it still amazes me he was hanging in there at 41 weeks. All near 10lbs of him. I’m a size 4 American. Yeah the fun. I shudder at the women who go over 40 weeks and think it’s ok without monitoring daily. I just know too much now. It’s a REALLY bad idea. Placenta’s can fail in 6-12 hours after 40 weeks, or can, did you know that?

But I’m for free choice, do as you please as long as you know ALL the risks! Researched proper risks, just not the random pleb you met on the internet!

I’ve had enough kids to know birth plans are useless, unless it consists of “have a baby as safely as possible and as agreed by myself and the medical team”. I have to shake my head at the blissful naivety of first time Mum’s who have a list of wants and don’t wants as long as their arms. If having 4 kids has taught me anything, it’s go with the flow cause you as sure as shit have no idea what’s coming. Any of the times. They are all different.

Except me trying to bleed to death, that remains constant and was underestimated by the on call OB with Master 1. He decided a public holiday was a good time to be born and MY OB was away. New OB read file and thought my OB was exaggerating my acretta risk. Well I sure as shit showed him I’m not to be underestimated! I did a good job of it FOUR damn times in 24 hours and 3 surgeries. Way to go eh? Point proven. It’s not a strategy I advise.

So this brings me back to know it all parents, know it all Dr Google OBs and people who just really judge to make themselves feel better. Honestly? I DO care if you choose to have a medically unmonitored pregnancy, a home birth with no medical assistance and choose to walk the dumb line of you know best cause you can Google. Not because I care about you, but that baby you are carrying. It’s a person. It’s a life and you are pissing all over it. Don’t you realise the responsibility you have to it? Do you care? Or is “your perfect birth experience ” more important than the safety of your child’s birth? That’s how it seems to me. And that is ass backwards. To me it’s NOT MY labour. It’s MY BABY’S BIRTH, huge distinction.

As for the rest of the “Mummy War” participants and the judging of stupid non life threatening things… Breast v bottle is a prime example. Go fuck that mongoose too. Don’t you have better things to do? Like raise your kids?

That is my thoughts on that. I said if never blog about things like this. Seems I found my exception!