September 10, 2014

I NEED It NOW!

Bite My Bark Rants 5 Comments

So I’ve woken up in a foul mood, not only was it at the asscrack of dawn, just randomly but to find that I have to wait a whole 48 hours before I can preorder the new iPhone 6. I don’t know about anyone else, and yes I realise that you used to have to wait, and DO have to wait 10 days until they are in store, that this is tilting me no end. I can SEE it on the website, I can pick all the options, hell I can even pop it in my cart but preorder it? No fucking way….. See that’s the part that shits me, it’s in my damn cart and I can’t fucking have it! I WANT it and I don’t do waiting very well at all. Want an iPhone 6 Plus? You’re asshat and we can’t be friends. Go and get a Samsung or something. Sure the screen is a bit bigger, but the added “features” it has (like pixel something or other) are just to compensate for the bigger screen. It’s actually just a bigger crapper version of the 6. So you’re an idiot.

Yeah yeah yeah I’m having a spoilt first world crisis, but since I think its been a year since the last iPhone came out and it feels like it should have been sooner. In my mind they came out every 6 months. Not sure why, so another fucking disappointment for me for the day, it’s right on schedule. I want a fucking phone and I want it 6 months ago. To add to my woes they say you can preorder on the 9^th, which is great but would you please care to give me a specific time? Is it as soon as the clock ticks over to 12am and it’s officially the 9^th, is it 2am like it was last time or am I waiting for the damn Americans to wake up? If I am, can someone there, nudge nudge, order a spare and I’ll send you the money. Make it 128GB and it MUST be gold. MUST, MUST, MUST! That is not negotiable and a total deal breaker. Yeah I don’t care that it’s only a phone and the colour doesn’t affect functionality. I just want it to be fucking gold all right?

It’s not like I’m demanding a diamond encrusted one, which is just so damn pretentious that anyone who wastes money on that type of shit deserves to be mugged for the phone. Lets face it the diamonds are worth more than the phone, just pop the suckers off and ditch the phone. It’s going to have find my iPhone on it and they will lock it, but hey mugger you’re still winning on this one. Fucking diamond encrusted phones, now that’s just bloody tacky. I’m not even sure if it’s tackier than Swarovski crystals or not. Actually I’m going to call it as more tacky, based on the price and the sheer absurdity. So anyone out there who is stupid enough, and I don’t care how much money you have, its JUST a fucking phone and this is coming from me, it’s a complete and utter waste of bloody money in the worst possible way. Sure I like shiny and expensive things, but I’m not tacky. A diamond encrusted phone, tack, tack, tack. My advice is getting a diamond-encrusted watch, WAY more classy.

I’m also on an epic tilt because there were rumors that there would be a pink gold iPhone and this had me in a tizz, because it was a gold iPhone BUT a pink gold iPhone and I WANT. Turns out this are just a rumor and there isn’t it’s just plain gold, like last time. Now I’m fucking disappointed all over again. I wanted a pink phone. A pink gold phone, so while my gold phone will be much better than looking at a grey or white one every time I see the fucker I’ll think “It should have been pink”. So yes I’m thinking of taking it in to get the plating changed, though as sure as shit that would fuck up the warranty and the phone would die within a week, because if I’ve learned anything about Apple products, other than they will make you pay through the nose, it as soon as the warranty or the extended warranty wears out, the very next day something big goes wrong. Or never worked to begin with, if you even start me on the quality that is my Wi-Fi Card that’s in my iMac and the issues I have I WILL cut you. Yeah I know I NEED a dongle, but since it’s a Wi-Fi card and it’s job is to give me reliable Wi-Fi, you can’t blame me for being pissed that it doesn’t work so well and never has. Got it cheeked by Apple. Oh nothing wrong with it, that’s just the way they are. So there is something wrong with it, it’s just it’s crap.

I’d like to finish this mornings rant by sending a big FUCK YOU to anyone who got an invite to the apple event and got a FREE phone last night/today, depending on you’re time zone. I fucking hate you, that is all.