Bite Me Monday!

photo 4-3

Mondayitis I’ve got you in spades. To be fair, I think it’s still Sunday punishing me for my date with Saturday night. A non diabetic menu and the choice was cocktails OR food. I’m no fool, cocktails won. Or a dozen or so. Who’s counting?

Seemed like a good idea at the time, I’m still backing that idea. The pain will pass…. Opiate painkillers help. Handfuls. I’m a quick study, but the lure is strong. We have a second date lined up already.

The biggest gripe is I didn’t end up in China. Note well must take passport with me at all times!

photo 2

So today’s real blog got shelved till tomorrow. Be warned haters I’m going after you, blood and tears will be spilled and if it wasn’t so gross, I’d want to taste them. You’ve been warned.

Today is Monday Migraine. A clear indicator my endocrine system truly hates me and is the ultimate killjoy and Sunday was a willing co-conspirator. Whatever Sunday, you can suck it and Monday? No one likes you anyways! Saturday night and I are going steady. Deal already. I refuse to admit at 25 (hahaha I can’t even type that with a straight face) I’m too old for shenanigans. Fountain of youth, need to get on to that!

To make matters worse the Xanax kitty, seems to be withdrawing or her evil genius is shining through. Is it wrong to hope for the latter? I wanted a Grumpy Cat. Now I see she’s an opportunist. I’ve got to respect that. Or maybe after 2 weeks I’ve taught her a thing or two. If this is the case, my white fluff ball of love might end up malevolent. Here’s to hoping. Malevolent Meow has a nice ring to it!

I endured 3 hours of face pounding, jumping from a chair on to my  head while trying to nap. The cat is committed, I’ll give her that. I guess if you name your blonde hair, blue-eyed cat (female) Elliott your tempting fate, laughing in its face. Screw you fate, cause I win regardless. Though since Mark Zuckerberg cunt’s middle name is Elliot (inadvertent coincidence, not that I believe in coincidence…) I should have realised evil would prevail. Most useful thing I can attribute to him.

photo 1

So today’s rant is postponed until tomorrow. This is a Monday Morsel.

I realise the usual flair is slightly missing. So to add some spice.

Shit, fuckers, FBcunts, bastard, motherfuckers, asshats, assmuncher’s, asstard, prick, whore, twat, piss off, plonker, Plonker, Ball Sack, Fudge Packer, ass hair, foreskin, fuck face, tosser, wanker, cunt face root bag (hmm instantly think all things FB, bellend, douchebag, septic, muppet, clunge, skanktard, nounce, wankstsin, hobknocker and clinger should level things out.

photo 3

Till tomorrow readers. Get ready, it’s s goodin’.