Oh my fucking god, since my last post it seems that the world has stopped turning, its imploded or something like this on the brink of happening. You know why? A girl dropped the C bomb, in public, on the Internet and hit the fucken publish button. Well, if we are gong to be technical, Karl Pilkington dropped it I just reposted it. But the point remains that because I dropped this word, with such magical powers, something catastrophic has happened to the world. Worse than Windows Vista….. Shit dude, this is serious stuff. You better pull up a chair and sit the fuck down.
Just because you all loved it so much the first time, here it is again….. Ahhhhh!
The totally ironic thing is inherently as a female I actually abhor the c bomb. See I can’t even type it in full…. C bomb… C bomb… C bomb. Just not happening. But the thing is that there are just some things that the C bomb follows that it’s impossible not to say it. Its an organic flow. Mark Zuckerberg Cunt, FB Cunts, Sean Ryan Cunt, Messenger Cunt, Sheryl Sandberg EPIC CUNT!!! Woah, yeah that’s right EPIC CUNT and yes I’m yelling it. You got a problem with that? That’s right I sure as shit thought not.
Sheryl Sandberg you’re thinking, what makes here an EPIC CUNT? For ease sake and laziness from here in she will be SSEC. Well let’s start with the fact she’s the Anit Christ. Obviously she is not the false messiah to Christianity, if she entered a church I’m sure she would instantly go up in flames (lets keep that in mind for future reference). But she is the Anti Christ of feminism. Now I know you’re sitting there, scratching your heads thinking this woman goes around preaching feminism. This is true, absolute truth and she makes a fortune doing it to (this is important to note). But its 2014, do women really need to be told that we CAN do anything? Like really? Didn’t we figure that shit out back in the 60’s when we burnt our bras, or back when we could vote or at some other indefinable point in history where the term glass ceiling came into use and like any good woman we had a temper tantrum that rivaled the blow up of every PMS’ing woman in the world running out of chocolate? Bur Ms SSEC goes around, educating young women; girls even, that they can do anything. FFS woman, they know this already, they have mothers, sisters, aunts ect who over the past decades HAVE been doing whatever they wanted. But we get to pay you for those pearls of wisdom. I’m sorry but other than selling out Google to head to over to FB cunts (more money I assume) and being the chief of staff the United States department of treasury (money money money, must be money) what have you really done for this world? Now I’m not saying this is a dumb lady, actually all evidence to the contrary she has a degree in economics and a MBA (OMFG did I actually just use that like its an accolade? If you can find me someone who doesn’t have an MBA I think Id drop dead from shock…. Lets face it it’s the Arts degree of the Business World) But I digress….. So she’s out there teaching feminism to impressionable young girls, making money off them and being all philanthropist about it (tax deductible I’m sure) So yes, SSEC!
No bitch, not every girl/bossy woman makes a good leader or has good leadership skills. Jesus christ any parent of a 16 year old female with hormones raging and so much teenage angst that is seeps out their pores wants to strangle you! Said teenager might have good leadership skills but its far more likely that she just being an overbearing, pushy and self involved bitch. But I guess you would call that good leadership skills.
Ok I gotta shake of the SSEC rage, because that’s not actually what this rant is about… I got a little sidetracked. Anything FB cunts and I tend to shoot off on a spiel of hot hate and molt and insult. I’m ranting about people ranting about my swearing, being female and publishing it on the bloody interwebz. I know right this is earth stopping stuff. So much so I got a phone call from my mother at 2am in the morning asking me, and I quote “what the fuck do you think you’re doing posting that shit all over the fucken internet you stupid bitch”. Well actually I lie, that call never happened because if my Mum rang me at 2am and wasn’t dying, id cut her and she already knows I’m going to hell, I’ve danced with the devil and guess what I fucken loved it! Though I guess if I’ve danced with the devil, then given the nature of duality there has to be a God. Ha! I’m betting they are one and the same, total mindfuck territory. Think about it, God smites a whole lot of people, plagues, famines ect. Sounds decidedly evil to me, no matter what way you want your PR spin doctor to tell it. Lets face it God had one hell of a PR team. FB cunts, you should see if you can afford them….. Not because I think they could save you, but it would be fun to watch your fukery tried to be spun even further.
Which brings me to the last segment of todays rant. The next person to ask if I’m Gareth Edwards WILL get fucken cut. Now there is nothing wrong with the guy, actually he is pure fucken evil genius, which I love. But if I’m being totally honest, I’m just a little more evil and just a little more genius. I’m sure he’d argue, I’m sure he will and I say bring it. What can I say; it’s our thing and a sport for us. Before you go there, no there is no “us” like that, it’s purely a mutual love of all things evil, mercenary, hate of stupid people and love of trolling. I’ll be honest here, I couldn’t handle the smurf thing, and the blue fuckers are creepy. Little craptastically smurfy fuckers are far too happy for my liking. Unless they have raided a pharmacy, are in Vegas or somehow fell in to a bag of opiates its just bloody abnormal. One female in the whole village that explains the blue balls at least.
But yeah, that and I think I should be afraid of the future Mrs Smurfy, she I believe would have to be a lot like me, or maybe that’s a wish, cause Id love him to be put in his place every second of every day for the rest of his life. So like me, but with a gun…. So much respect but with the obligatory dash of justified fear. I’m actually just hypothesizing about the future Mrs Smurf, cause its obvious she needs to be all types of (good) crazy to deal with “The Wolf” (I wanna add in a howling sound here, just for shits and giggles) and nothing short of a gun CAN stop him. This guy needs to be supervised at all times, his lawyer really need to take note of this. Get your shit together, you can’t sleep when you have someone like this to control! Trust me I know, my lawyers play tag….. It’s always a surprise when I find out who’s “it”…. You just know they are having a bad day, makes it’s a god day here. Torturing lawyers is also a sport, better when they aren’t yours though. Then its like shooting (rubber) ducks in a pond.
So today dear reader I will sign off with one of my most favorite sayings, translated from Hebrew… Which I stole from Gareth and will give him no credit for, cause the fucker gets enough credit that he doesn’t deserve. You know he didn’t have anything to do with Star Wars OR Godzilla right?…. Anyway don’t fuck with the whore with a dick…. And if you ever call me a whore or imply I have a dick, I will mess your shit so far up that it will become my shit and I’ll own you for fucken life. Try it…. I have a few random words for you. Banished. Gag Order. Turkish. Winning. Slayed. Make of that what you will.
Oh and a really big difference between Gaz the Wolf and I? I’m happy to mention my spectacular natural rack on the internet, his lawyers wont let him. I’ll be waiting for that letter that will be needed to be shredded.
FYI this post was indorsed by Gareth Edwards maker of Star Wars and Godzilla. Well not really but let him fucken prove it.
Oh and for those of you who need a good puke your guts up session: