Thats just how I feel.

9 Comments

 

failbook

 

Two rants in one day? Oh it’s either totally glorious or something so totally craptastic has gotten right up my nose that the rage cannot be contained. Benadryl? Hell no! We’ve wandered in Xanax territory and not just one bar, I’m talking the whole friggin bottle. Or all the bottles in the largest drug store I can find. Oh and I’m on the hunt. RX be damned, I’m doing a dine and dash. If caught I’m pleading either temporary insanity or diminished capacity, depending on the tox screen levels.

 

So FB Messenger, I get the feeling you’re trying to drive me past the brink of sanity, which is precarious even on a good day. With you in my life, it’s a bad day. When you fuck with me it’s a homicidal day. Mark if I knew where you lived, man you’d be in trouble. I’d tie you to a chair in a silent room with nothing but the sound of a slow drip. For. The. Rest. Of. Eternity! Or until this madness stops…. Or you starve. Whichever comes first, problem solved. Unless you’re second in charge is just as big of a dick… On second thoughts, I’m taking all FB executives, developers and computer doer people hostage till this situation is resolved!

 

We all know my complete loathing for messenger. Privacy issues ect ect ect. No need to rehash, my nose is bleeding just thinking about it. Pass me a box of Kleenex. Actually pass me a few, cause I won’t stop till those fuckers are crying tears of blood.

 

Anyhow, revenge aside. Why the LIVING FUCK are you making me install the messenger app EVERY DAMN DAY? With that galling welcome message and making it seem like I had a choice, and I made a smart choice? Stabby, it makes me stabby. If I didn’t need my phone it would have become a projectile by now. Unfortunately I need it, so I need to find other shit to smash…. It’s like a Greek wedding, without the joy and well wishes. More voodoo chants than I like to admit to knowing. Yeah I’m constructing a MZ voodoo doll. I don’t sew, ever. So you’ve inspired me to take up a temporary hobby. If I suck at it, the OCD perfectionist in me is likely to get its whole own personality. Legal defence noted please, I’m no longer responsible for my actions!

 

So I’m forced to install your stupid app. On random occasions I can uninstall the app and proof it’s gone from my life. Until the next random chipper message tells me I need to install it. Today? This morning I had to install. Uninstall? Nope please reinstall. Argh! Instant craving to smash some skulls. Now? I deleted it, just to see. Magically, now I don’t need it. I’m titled so far that if I was a fault line, which I’ve often suspected, the Richter scale is about to spike. Along with my blood pressure and the elaborateness of my plans for revenge. Die fuckers, die, just isn’t cutting it anymore!

 

So what is going on? We know you have a SVEN group who HAVE to have messenger. That’s bad enough. We know you have the blessed group who don’t have to have messenger. So what?! Am I in a third group that you intend to mind fuck till the end of time. Granted it’s not beyond the realm of possibility your software is glitchy, actually that’s expected. But to have a mind fuck group? Oh man you picked the wrong “FB Pleb” to taunt! Cause I’m all kinds of crazy. That Xanax consumption won’t curb that, it will just slow me down enough not to exact revenge too swiftly, buying me time to best work out how to give it back to you in kind, so bend over!

 

I am not a good “test group”. In fact I fail most tests. The psychopathy test is a great example. I prefer to see the high scores as not failing but overachieving. The morality high score keeps people safe. Unfortunately FB, you’re not people. So morality be dammed. The psychopath killed it, it’s laying next to the unicorn.

 

FB you’re fucked. Messenger you’re fucked. You think we NEED you? Well we don’t, we only think we do because you tell us so. But you lie! Lie! Lie, lie,lie! MySpace thought we needed them too and where are they now eh?! Exactly. You’re not sitting on the lofty perch you think. I hate to break it to you but anyone with half a brain knows Google has plans to sink you, they WILL sink you and I sure as shit will dance naked in the street that day comes! That’s a promise; get your video cameras ready!

 

See FB your irritating, you have no regard for you consumers and somewhere along the line developed a god complex. Since it’s arguable whether god exists at best or at worst you’re a false deity, your fall will be great. You’re the annoying relative everyone puts up with because they have to, until they decide they no longer have the patience for you. Google is the cool cousin, who everyone likes but fails to live up to their potential. Well until someone lights a fire up their ass. Consider that fire lit!

 

To be clear FB you’re not cool, not at all and we will never be cool again. Google on the other had, cool! Effortlessly cool. You know this; you should have taken this into consideration. So FB my message remains, die, die die!

 

To Google? We want to love you, we are cool. Get it together, sink the Gonzo’s and let’s get this party started! Fireworks and all!

 

Oh yeah and I read the article: http://mashable.com/2014/08/12/facebook-messenger-workaround/

 

I don’t believe for a nano second you’ve let this glitch last this long. You’re dumb but not that dumb. It’s a smokescreen, cleverly constructed but totally transparent. You get to fuck with us under the guise we all know your stupid. It’s a stroke of genius. The fact remains that while genius, it’s also far too convenient. It would be the first time ever a “glitch” has lasted so long. Even you aren’t that dumb. So stop lying, making out it’s just a glitch and not some convoluted plan to gauge users patterns. It’s pretty obvious most people hate messenger. Can you read? Do you read the things posted about you? If not can you get someone to read it to you? I’ll summarise to make it easy “People hate it and those smart enough WILL work out a way that we don’t have to use it. After that we will work out a way we don’t have to use you”…

 

I wonder if I search for that enough on my browser whether I’ll get targeted ads for Google +?! Somehow I think not. Again, fuckers!

 

 

carl P

Cue song : Am I Wrong?  by Nico & Vinz